Our lives will return to joy. But I think it will always be tinged with sadness and heartache. I’m not being pessimistic just realistic. Its a bit like when you are a child and believe in father Xmas. Once you know he’s not real. It’s never the same again
Bad analogy. But you get my drift
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It’s like for me the magic has gone. It won’t come back. So I will form a new life. But this new life will be a bit broken and sad. But I will live it. And smile and laugh. But my heart will never be complete
After my dad died, 30 years ago, my mum practically lived in her garden, she would be out, early in the morning and stay there until dusk. She told me that she felt so much closer to my dad and she felt more at peace.
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I was just as close to my dad as my mom. We were the 3 musketeers. Losing dad has also broken me. He was one of my closest friends x
MaryL, I think a great deal of comfort and pleasure can be found in a garden.
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Hi everyone, how are you all doing today? x
How are you Sam? How’s everyone?
It’s was the first bright day here for at least a week. For a while I felt much more optimistic than usual, but the sadness crept in after a couple of hours. I miss chatting to my Mum, so much.
It was nice to have a brighter day.
We’re ok. Wadding through the day I guess. Still crying everyday. His very much missed. I must admit the weather doesn’t help when it’s dreadful. Let’s hope for some brighter days x
I was at lunch today with a few friends discussing their summer plans to greece and africa and france etc. It made me reminiscent because my mom and dad love to travel. they always come home with funny stories about their trips that could literally only happen to them. It hit me that this small enjoyable part of our lives is gone. Their stories were so funny we would retell them over and over - distorting it more and more each time it was told.
Its so hard to understand how this will never happen again.
That is how I am doing today.
Blech
Ell
Hi ell,sam, all
I’ve sat with my daughter tonight choosing her options for GCSE subjects at school. In the UK children drop some subjects at school and choose optional ones plus mandatory ones which they then do exams in when they are 16. The results of these exams affect their education to 18 and then university so it’s a pretty big deal.
All I could think was, how is mum not here discussing those options with her granddaughter? How is this even happening to us?
That’s how my day went. So j guess not a great one for some of us x
Hi everyone. I have yet another cold along with a twitchy eye. Really just deeply deeply missing her. It’s an awful ache in my chest. Today I took a dog out for a walk. And I have a squeamish tummy. And I was gagging so bad when he did his business. I swear I heard my mum laugh. She always used to laugh when I gagged. I have a terrible gag reflex that used to make her crack up. Anyway I suddenly realised I’ll never hear that laugh again except in my head so I burst into tears whilst walking the dog.
Happens to me all the time joules.
I laughed at something at work yesterday and then I got upset because I imagined mum saying to me ‘I love hearing you laugh cheryl’
I dont want to laugh ever again but I know that would make my mum unhappy.
There is no winner here is there x
I think we are all living with constant daily reminders. But it’s because they we’re so important to us and very much loved and a massive part of our lives. At least we all know how much they meant to us and they know that as well. Let’s hope for easier less painful days x
I’m so fed up honestly so fed up of feeling like this. But I feel guilty if I’m not. Can’t bloody win.
I keep hoping sam but I think its going to take a very long time. Probably a couple of years before things start to improve x
To be honest I’m glad I wasn’t just over it in a couple of weeks else what would that say. I’d rather it be a long hard journey because at least they meant that much. When someone has such a massive impact on your life that’s not going to be forgotten anytime soon or so quickly x
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Jooles, Cheryl, Sam
I got teary eyed reading about your day.
Then my mom called and started talking about my dad when he was digging up the yard last spring to divert water from their basement.
I am no good today.
I will never understand how a person can dig up a yard and do all of things my dad did and then die a few months later in their sleep!
My mom said she was visiting with her accountant and the accountant told her that there are 4 other people that literally had popped by in the same situation and that her own dad had also passed away the same way. I know there is a medical explanation for cardiac arrest but it eludes us. As Cheryl has said, humanity is far behind medically - we should know more than we do.
My good friend’s dad passed away a few weeks ago after a long illness. I had a dream about him last night. He was healthy and talking to me about houses and a gigantic screened in porch as big as you could imagine. It was so weird to dream of her dad. Never dreamt of him in my life and was not thinking about him.
Ell
Jooles
I am just an internet doctor but…
I have not been sick in long time. I take vitamin C a few times a week and if I feel like I might be catching something, I drink a smoothy mix called Spirutein. You can probably find it online. It somehow makes me not get sick.
Twitchy eye could be dry eyes?
Ell
Thank you Ell. I do need to get some vitamins as I keep getting colds. My eye is ok today. Think it was twitching because of the cold. Laying on the sofa currently watching friends. Just had a lemsip. Thinking about my Choice to move away to the coast and the impact it had on my parents. Mum died and now dad is alone. He’s thinking of moving here. But I have a brother who’s fairly complex and can be difficult. And my dad doesn’t want to leave him. Butmy brother keeps himself to himself and only sees dad once a month. Dad has COPD and will need looking after one day. He’s fine at the moment but not sure how long that will last. Our lives are upside down now
I am the least selfish person and I can say that confidently. So my decision to move away from them was not easy but I did so for my children. And also I thought. Mum and dad are young and in good health and have each other and my brother nearby . I also kept on gently nudging them to move here. I thought It will all be fine. 4 months of me moving here dad was diagnosed with COPD and then mum died.
You’re right sam x