Ell
Thats probably what gets me the most. How can somebody function so well and then die? Like your dad, my mum was strong as an ox putting together flat pack furniture shortly before she died. We did all the potted plants the week before and flopped down with a glass of wine afterwards absolutely shattered.
How could they be doing all this?
My aunt is 87, very frail in a nursing home, has dementia and just wants to join my uncle who died nearly 2 years ago.
Why is she still going when our perfectly capable strong parents succumbed in a day?
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Jooles
You did what you did for your children. You just cant make everybody happy. One of these days your brother will have to let go. I bet when he realises he will be the one looking after your dad he will happily let him come to Cornwall.
My sister used to joke that we were now responsible for doing all mums care in the future now she had moved in with us…
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Morning all, I’ve not been ill for some time now so I must be overdue for something. I rarely take time off work and that isn’t helped by being a home worker where there is a tendency to continue working while suffering something nasty.
At last a sunny day which somehow feels a bit more cheerful than recently. Times like this I want to just get outside and go for a walk so I may force myself to do that at lunchtime before the weather decides to revert back to what it’s been good at over the last few weeks.
Well a couple of things to note in the last few days, firstly I’ve had some mother’s day emails, e.g. from Moonpig and Scilly flowers. Of course the emails contain a bit of text saying that this can be a sensitive time of the year so I can opt out of getting any more mothers day emails. Just reading that rather than actually receiving the email in the first place is more upsetting! Unsubscribe? Just feels like saying goodbye again! Can’t win.
We did have a young couple lined up to rent my mum’s house starting very soon but they have gone to ground on us and stopped communicating with the agent so we have pulled the plug on them and given the second person the option to move in. The second option is a lady in her 70’s who wants to move to be closer to her family. How ironic? She is very excited as she’s just been in to measure up and wants to keep a few bits a furniture that we were going to remove. I find myself dealing with emotions that I didn’t think I’d have. It’s almost like my mum is moving back in, except she is not my mum and is a stranger to me. It’s difficult to explain how that feels. I in two minds about it but I think I’ll just have to get used to it.
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Thank you Cheryl. I love your wise words. Xx
Shaun. That must be so difficult. I also get what you mean. I looked at a photo of my mum yesterday. (Poked the wound). and she felt so different. Just so distant.
We keep poking those wounds don’t we? Yes, I feel the same, more distant, not too comfortable with that.
I agree with what Cheryl said, you cannot make everyone happy in a family. It just causes stress in trying to do so, I thought I could make everyone happy, not just my mum but it never worked out despite my best efforts, I just have to let it all go. I will be nice hopefully if you can get more family to join you in Cornwall, I know I would if you were my family!
Good morning everyone,
I’m pleased to say it’s a lovely sunny day .
Shaun, I can image it does feel rather heart tugging knowing an elderly lady is moving in. One good thing, she is perhaps more likely to look after the place.
Jooles, I’ve got photos of Mum out in a two rooms. I talk a large almost face size one, during difficult moments. I suppose I will eventually put them away. Very, occasionally I turn them over to not see the face.
An very elder neighbour in her late 80’s had a party on Sunday. Loads of senior citizens turned up. Part of me just thought “why didn’t my Mum get longevity?” It seems unfair that one person gets a short life, whilst another considerably longer.
I’ve got two people coming tomorrow to do house valuations for probate. I’ll be house tidying part of the day. To be honest i’m not going to over-fuss.
Shaun
Ive got exactly the same eith the lady ive employed to do my childcare. She is about 70 and turns up at 4.30am for my early shifts, is here from 4pm till 11pm fir my late shifts and sleeps in my mums room when I’m on nights.
Its just like having mum here and it’s so painful. I know I’ve been lucky to find someone to do this for me but it feels like we have replaced my mum and I hate it.
Not looking forward to mothers day. It’s likely my mum would have spent the day with my sister as she was always at ours but even so. I’m avoiding the card section in Tesco like mad.
The worst thing for me is hos fast time is going. 8 and a half months tomorrow since she left 
I missed Mother’s Day last year because we moved away. Had never missed a Mother’s Day before. But I saw her a week later for her birthday. It’s things like that that I regret moving. Her last year and I missed dates I would have not normally missed. But thought we had more years to make it up. This year They has already planned a holiday in January. I was going back in Feb half term. Then I go back again for Easter and her birthday. They were going to have their 50th wedding anniversary here in Cornwall in may. I hate she never got to do it all.
I understand, there is so much I hate about what happened. We just have to get on with everything as best as we can and hope for better times to come.
I look back at when my parents lost their parents but it’s no comparison. My mums mum was 91 and so ready to die. Such a lovely lady but she was suffering the effects of such old age and had to leave her beloved council flat of 50 years for a nursing home. She only lasted a week
My dads mum died of cancer aged 74 and I’m sure my dad was very upset but he wasnt the type to talk about it. He just got on so we just got on.
I’m sure my daughter is never going to forget my mums death. It’s just been the worst thing to happen to our family x
Cheryl maybe your mom sent the childcare lady for you as she knew you would need someone x
I dont think my mum would want anyone else looking after her granddaughter. She would be devastated that she is no longer around to do it x
I’m feeling very angry and bitter today. I hate my emotions. They are so erratic. And irrational. A friend has just hold me about an amazing trip she is going on. Her mum is looking after her kids. All I feel is anger and jealousy. I’ve cried solidly for two hours after her telling me that. I would love a break away. And I would give anything for mum to be here to watch the kids for me
It doesn’t help that it was told to me in the middle of a conversation where I admitted I was very depressed and low
People are very insensitive jooles. It’s quite unbelievable.
I miss my mum being around to look after my daughter. Not that I did things often without them but options of doing anything now have gone so I just wont do much x
Jooles, it sounds like your friend could have been a little bit more diplomatic.
I thought it was insensitive too. But she’s very much like that. The trip is all paid for by a rich friend. She’s going to LA and Vegas. She has 4 kids and is always going away and leaving them with her mum. But complains her mum never does anything for her. Her mum is 76!!!
I had literally just said how low I was feeling. And thinking of mum. She goes “ooh I must look for Katans and beach wear have I told you about my trip”.
Omg jooles!!
Sounds like someone is taking something for granted there!
What I would give to have a babysitter again. Not just any babysitter but the best babysitter in the world who had the best relationship with my daughter you could imagine. Oh what times they were.
My mum used to do loads with my kids. Take them to theme parks. Zoos. Picnics. She would sit on the floor and spend hours doing arts and crafts with them. Not as much in the last couple of years as she broke her leg. And I wonder if that’s also when the cancer started as even when her leg was better she never had the kids over again. Which always puzzled me. I asked dad the other day why that happened and he said she just used to say she was really tired. It did upset me at the time as it was so unlike her. But now it makes more sense.
Our lovely mums and dads. People don’t realise how lucky they are to still have them in their lives.
Definitely shaun