Hi I lost my husband suddenly on 31st January. He died in hospital age 52. No chance to say a proper goodbye. I’m also the executor of his will so having to arrange funeral sort paperwork etc. I’ve not been to see him yet as coroner held up his body being collected by the undertakers. That’s next week. I’m off work. This week I’m having annual leave as my compassionate leave has run out. Can’t even think about work as my job is a psychotherapist. I’ve no children, if it wasn’t for the dogs he has left me with, I’d have given up completely. We were very self-contained and known as one unit. Both lovers of life and know I’m just existing and wondering what the point is. We were always talking about plans for retirement etc. it’s so cruel. He was a wonderful kind gentleman who made me feel safe and protected. Now I just feel sad and vulnerable. Never imagined I’d be in this club at 52. Just feel like I’m in some kind of parallel universe. It’s when people say that he’d want me to be happy and look after myself. I wish we’d died together in an accident I really do.
Susie71
I’m so saddened to hear of your sudden loss . It’s a living nightmare that you were not expecting and to say unwelcome is an understatement .
Nothing can I say prepares you for this no matter what our occupation and skill sets and life experiences are.
Keep reading everyone’s posts it really is like a parallel life you’re living in .
I was married for 40 yrs and we were a team. The responsibility of not having him alongside is overwhelming isn’t it.
One step breathe Susie71.
Hiya. I’m so sorry that you are in this awful situation. Having to deal with the mountain of admin is like something they came up with to torture the bereaved! I wonder if it would be a good idea to see your GP so that you could be signed off work with a sick note? You really shouldn’t be having to use your annual leave in this situation. The doctor may be able to help with other stuff too: counselling maybe or something to help you sleep. I was off work for about eight weeks in total and could have had another sick note had I needed it. You are having to cope with so much on your own at the moment and its just vital to take care of yourself as best as you can. Perhaps some of the people who are telling you to be happy would be able to help? If anyone offers please try to accept. Not always easy I know. I remember the parallel universe feeling ! Very well put. I felt like I was playing a role a lot of the time. I doubt that you will be able to imagine but it does get easier. Be proud of yourself for surviving. Everything you do at the moment is a triumph. And you are not alone believe me. Take care x
Thank you for your kind words xxYeah problem is I had a lot of sick leave off last year and not sure how much of that will be paid anyway. And as you know SSP is shite lol.
We are all going through the same emotions and i can see that you and your husband were devoted to each other.
When people say he would have wanted you to be happy and look after yourself, believe it.
Its normal to be angry and feel that there is no future. No couples want to see each other come to harm and you know that lovely man of yours wouldn’t want it for you.
I know you’re feeling alone and vulnerable just now but honour your man by carrying on.
Hi susie I am so very sorry for your loss I know exactly how you feel esp with being over loaded with paperwork. You should try your doctor for sick note I was signed off about 4 months. Grief has no time limit we just have to take one day at a time. My husband passed in October after short illness and I felt like I was in a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. I’ve now started back at work but only 3days as I only feel safe at home. Take care 
@Susie71 I am so sorry for your loss of your husband… I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly at 53 years old. Never thought I would be a widow at this age of 56. Life is certainly unfair and cruel. Have you got any family or friends that can help you with the paperwork. I went back to work after 6 weeks and couldn’t manage it so had a few more months of with a sick note. I have now cut my hours temporary until I am ready for more hours. I get bereavement support payment… have you applied for this? Hopefully you have a supportive colleagues and employer.
You are still very early days, take one hour at a time and try not to look into the future and keep reaching out on here. Take care and big hugs xx
Hi @Susie71 so sorry for you. Similar situation here. My partner died suddenly and we were both 54. I’ve also been left with our 2 dogs. I have no children, but my partner had a daughter who had not been in his life for several years. I’m in a stressful and responsible job as m manager of a care home so have had time off and not sure how I will cope when I return. Thinking of you.
Heartbreaking - I lost my husband on 14th Jan and have no kids and only one elderly dog now. She’s nearly 13 and has instructions from me to hang in there. I don’t have any wisdoms; I’ve had weeks of “what’s the point” as it’s so impossibly hard but I’m right there with you. X
I know that parallel universe feeling. I lost my husband in January. I never thought i would cope without him because we did everything together. We dont have any kids, and no family live close. So i have had to do everything, but for me its my way of coping. If you are struggling go and see your doctor. If you have people who offer help then take it. Even a coffee with a friend helps.
I lost my fiancée at 56. I miss her so much, but it does seem to be getting slightly easier maybe the anti depressants help. Take every minute slowly look after yourself x
You poor love, you are in deep shock and have experienced a huge trauma.
I advise that you go straight to your doctor who will sign you off from work for at least another two weeks. The doctor will also arrange grief counselling for you. Try to eat even if its a tiny amount. Take each hour and each minute as it comes. You need your doctor, but not for drugs, dont take those, just the letter to sign you off of work and the grief counselling. Keep writing on this site, people care here. Big hug to you xx
Hi Susie,
I’ve lost my husband the1st Feb and I’m feeling exactly the same as you. He was 47, so young. Life is so cruel. He was my soulmate, my best friend. So kind, so fun,. We had 25years full of love and adventures.
I too wished it was me instead of him. Life is so cruel and so unfair.
Hi Vero I lost my husband in Oct after short illness and my world crumbled we had been together 44years and I feel like I’m in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from but just taking it one day at a time grief has no time limit. Take care
Hi @Vero64 , so sorry for your loss. My partner was 54 when he passed away in December. I’ve asked the question why wasnt it me or both of us as this is so painful. There’s no answer to why they have been taken from us. I’m not able to tell you it will be ok as I’m still having very bad days and have been off work since I lost him which is coming up for three months . Look after yourself x
Hi susie
I lost my husband very suddenly at the end of September. Although he was 60 I’d just turned 51.
Similar circumstances in term of me being executer of the will and having to find and deal with all the legalities alongside the grieving. If there’s anything If I can help you with anything please let me know, I’ve felt it’s such an isolating time.
Christine xx
Goodness 40 plus age range up to 60 so many life partners and this is just one group/site. All of us sharing what that feels like it’s so painfully difficult each day.
My husband was 58 I’m 62.
I miss him so very much . I’m very sensitive about peoples words around me. I really don’t like it when the new normal is used . Who wants the new normal without your loved one alongside. I don’t .
I find day to day social conversation challenging to . Does anyone else? I don’t want to join in anything that involves things about what others are doing or planning . I’ve become anti social except for those few who understand .
Yes @wilderness I feel just the same. I’m 56 and lost my husband 6 weeks ago. I find I only really want to talk about him so like you say, I’m not interested in people’s daily chat and their plans and hopes for the future - it all seems so irrelevant and pointless and leaves me feeling like such an outsider. Yet, I hear it’s good to try to meet with others but it’s so hard too. I’m thinking of attending a walking group with a grief focus organised by Hospiscare. I wondered if you or others had tried a face to face group. I feel I completely understand your anti social feelings.
Hi Susie, I really relate to your post. I lost my husband very suddenly and unexpectedly on 26th January. I am his executor too and dealing with so much bureaucracy just now. I completely understand what you mean about a parallel universe, this is exactly what it feels like to me too. It’s impossible to believe what’s happened. I’m so sad to see that you wish you had died too, but I get what you mean. These early days are so hard, so very hard. I’m still negotiating the rollercoaster of emotions myself. But one thing that I was told by a friend who lost both his brothers makes sense to me and that is that he feels a duty to live his life in a way that would have made them proud. And that’s all I can offer you by way of advice. Live your life in a way that would have made him proud. Much love.
Therese1
A walking group sit grief understanding sounds good, as they will be understanding and it’s much easier to talk when walking . Or you can walk and be silent.