Sorry you have lost your partner. 6 months ago I lost my wife to cancer, she was57. I know how you feel. Keep going as well as you can and stay strong. I do wish I could have taken the pain and cancer for my wife/ I would have if we could have swapped places- but it doesn’t work like that does it. It’s not easy and you’re not alone in your feelings. You will find a way - maybe you haven’t found it yet to be able to carry on with any normality. It has changed and you need to find a new normal. Just like I have to, and so do the rest of us now in this club. Try and keep busy. Don’t give up.
Susie71, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I too lost my husband recently (23rd January). He died aged 34 (I’m 32). We’d been married for 9 years. Although he had been battling depression for a long time and we were working hard to get treatment, nothing could have truly prepared me for such a horrible loss.
I completely understand the intensity that accompanies sorting all the paperwork etc as I’m also the executor of his will. Having to do all of that while also dealing with the grief of losing the person closest and most dear to you is just overwhelmingly heartbreaking and stressful. I have found it helpful to take as much pressure off as possible - whether that be requesting more time off work in whatever way possible, and/or asking for help with paperwork, it all helps lighten the load slightly. Even having a friend sit with me while I make a phone call or type an email has been helpful - just to feel that someone else is holding some of that weight with me and encouraging me to finish the email, then have a nap or some food, for example.
I don’t have children either, just a cat who we both adored. We were also a self-contained unit, us against the world, completely trusting and deeply in love. We were building our futures together. I too feel as thought I’m ‘just existing’ - I completely relate to that, you’ve said it so well. And even ’ just existing’ feels like I’m trapped at the bottom of the ocean. I feel your pain as do many others here.
Do take up any support you can get - practical help, GP letters, counselling, etc. It won’t be perfect, but it will all help to cushion and cocoon you during this terrible time. Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings with others and here on this site. Definitely worth applying for the ‘bereavement support payment’ via gov.uk. It all helps. Thank you so much for sharing your struggles here. Although it may feel like it, you are not completely alone on this seemingly impossible road. One moment, one hour, one day at a time. X
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Hi Susie 71,
So very sorry for your loss,Take care,
Not a easy journey to be on
Lost my husband October 2022 to a cardiac Arrest ,
I walk a lot and try to go out once a week
With a friend,shopping or for a meal ,
Sometimes it feels like a bad nightmare .
Hi corindar I’m so so sorry for your loss and I know the feeling I lost my husband in oct after short illness and my world crumbled we had been together 44yrs he was my best friend but now I feel like I’m in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from but just taking one day at a time. And as for all paper work it’s very overwhelming I got a solicitor to sort all mine which has taken a weight off my shoulders. Take care❤️
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I know how you feel. I lost my soulmate in January & I feel so lost. I am not alone but I feel so desperately lonely without him, He was 56 and we have been married for 31years. I don’t know how I will survive without him. I just wish i could be with him. I would give anything for just one more kiss & cuddle 
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It is so very hard but just take one day at a time that’s all I can do at moment. Like you I wish I could have one more kiss and cuddle 
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Alli2
One more kiss one more holding each other . Isn’t it devastating . I don’t want to grow old without him alongside me .
What a nightmare .
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Yes it’s devasting some days are better than others. But it’s a struggle
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Wilderness, yes it’s the worst pain ever! It’s just a n awful feeling all the time, nothing or no one can ease it . Now the funeral is over everyone is going back to their lives, but mine will never ever be the same. I feel like screaming at them, don’t you know what I am going through! I don’t want to go on without him
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I lost my husband suddenly last May. After my condolence leave , my doctor signed me off so didnt have to use annual leave so i eould definitely contact your doctor. I was 59 when i lost him. He was my soul mate and best friend. We had to wait for a post mortem so that delayed funeral. I would also recommend counselling.
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Yes everyone going back to their normal but we are left standing alone in a pit of distress . Our grief becomes invisible but to us it lives on. 4 months for me very few ask now . Responses are short or subject quickly changed . It’s a cold wind that blows around us , our pain carried by the same wind with our voice.
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@Hazell @Alli2 @Julie130 @wilderness
I feel the same; I’d settle just for holding his hand; I so miss holding his hand😢.
It’s been nearly 6 weeks for me and I know what you mean - it’s beginning to get very quiet out there (and in here). I think people expect you to have got used to it - no chance! 
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Hi therese I’m so sorry for your loss it is very difficult everything around me is getting back to normal but my normal has gone and finding a new normal isn’t happening for me so for now all I can do is a day at a time
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@Julie130 I know what you mean. I feel my time with him which was 26 years was so compressed now, gone in a flash and the future seems long and empty. I tick off the days and quietly acknowledge that I’ve got through another. I hope you do too. It’s incredible that we are making it through these very painful days. He knew how difficult this would be and I’m sure he’d be so proud of you for coping. X
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Yes each day is a 
sometimes easier than others but getting there and that’s all we can do take things slow everything in our own time
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Hi Susie, so sorry to hear how you are feeling, but you are definitely not alone. I lost my hubby 16 months ago and miss him every single day. Like you I have no children and we were very much a unit - he was my support and best friend. We have to go on in this parallel universe - it’s a strange land, but just reach out to whatever or whoever offers support. It does help to get out every day if possible and talk to others. Thinking of you x
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I don’t feel that I’m getting there. I feel worse now that the ‘busy’ period is over. I’m in tears most of the day and just can’t function without him. I just want to get into bed, go to sleep and never wake up again. I just want to be with him
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Dear Susie…
Good morning and I am deeply saddened to be reading your words today
Believe me lots of people on here well and truly understand where you are at
And what you are going through.
More so than people around you.
I do hope you take some comfort from the words they give you.
The one person who can take away all this pain is all you need.
That’s how I still feel.
Never thought in my life that I could feel such pain and loss…(just like you).
I am left in rural Ireland with a cat.
My partner of 25 years died last September…stage four cancer…and given 2 years to live…we married at a very tearful ceremony in July …a marriage that lasted 8 weeks…
Think about her and miss her every waking minute…
I still have pillows on her side of the bed,so it feels like she is with me ,when I awake…
I don’t know how I am doing this…(getting on with life)…
But I seem to be …
It is hard…I am trying to cook these days…with disastrous results…(never cooked for 25 years…)
I will not give you any buzz words…
It doesn’t get easier…it just changes…
And along the way you start to realise you are coping…
The ones left behind are the ones who die…they die each day…
You take care…!!!
I will think about you today and hope you get some comfort from replies you get.
Jimmy 75
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Alli2
I’ve experienced what you are going through . Crying all the time not wanting to get up or if I managed to , I couldn’t wait to get back into bed.
I can’t say I felt better going with whatever I needed but it didn’t make me worse. I did get a feeling of security a safe place . I also thought when I was in bed a lot it could turn into a slippery slope of a deeper withdrawal which could add to my low mood . That on top of everything else not helpful in the medium to longer term.
But for now , try what feels right for you.
There is no rule book with grief.
Seek lots of things that comfort you .
Jimmy 1975,
So very sorry for the loss of your wife,
Lost my husband October 2022 to a cardiac arrest ,still feels like a bad nightmare
I have been up to the cemetery today ,
Not a journey we all want to be on
Take care
Sue
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