Lost Irene after 44 years

Losing a partner
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She’s gone thats it she’s gone, 44 years and all I have apart from thousands of memories is a box full of ashes. The pain I am living with can not be measured there is a huge weight on my chest, I cry 20 times a day over stupid things like a jar of mayonnaise

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Hello @Gerwyn ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your wife, Irene. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Naoise

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Thank you for you kind words

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My wife too was taken from me on the 7th of February but in 2023, I can’t offer you any decent advice to heal the pain.
The only thing that I can tell you is that you have to get your mindset into survival mode, don’t forget to eat and drink,try to get enough sleep,get out into nature (a park for example) instead of sitting in the house pondering on what has happened, try to live for one minute at a time.
Convince yourself that you must survive whatever it takes until the pain of loss subsides,and it must, believe me when I say that it is impossible to be in as much pain as you are in now for a long period of time.
Your loss will be with you for the rest of your life and you will learn to live with it, take no notice of the people who tell you to think of the good times and memories with your loved one,they still hurt and just make me angry.
I wish you all the best in this awful journey that has been forced on you.
Vic.

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Thanks Vic your the first person I have spoken to that seam to understand the pain I am in

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Hello Gerwyn i am sorry for yourr loss, my darling husband died last July 7weeks after being diagnosed with a rare cancer. The diagnosis was a shock and i spent those seven weeks in disbelief. I brought him home from hispital and looked after him at home which was what he wanted. We had been married for 52 wonderful years. Please not think anything you feel is stupid, i sobbed ans sobbed because i couldnt get the lid off a coffee jar. Cry when you need to and if people tell you you will get over it just ignore them. If they havent walked in your shoes they have no right to tell you how to tie your laces. Grief is love with no where to go and the harder you grieve the harder you loved. I get through by counting my blessings and the wonderful times we had. The days will get a little easier.
Keep posting on here you will get lots of support x

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Thanks for your kind words and advice, I know how hard it is to care for someone at home I’m in Scotland and Irene asked me to care for her at home , that’s what I did until the end we had a hospital bed on loan and NHS carers calling 3 times a day they are angles, but when Irene passed that was it on my own I have to much time to think and remember , in the 4 months of caring for her out love found another level sorry can’t continue

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I am in Scotland as well, I see you are from a lovely part, we spend the last 10years not far from you in our static caravan in Fochabers during the summer months Our daughter and daughter in law helped me or I couldn’t have managed on my own. The district nurses were fantastic as well. I hope you manage to find your way through each day x

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Thank you glad you liked Fochabers if you are ever up this way call in for a coffee

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Hang in there. We are all here for you, 24/7. This is a club we never asked to join, but here we are, taking one day at a time. It’s tough, it’s soul destroying at times, but rest assured you can reach out to us on here at any time xxx

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Thank you ever so much for you kind words, I would find it a great honour if you could send me a little message of encouragement now and then

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Gerwyn how are you today? You have made it to the end of the week I always tell myself well done when I have got through another week but I don’t think about the upcoming one. You are never alone on here there is always someone to give you words of support and a friendly hand to help you up x
Jane

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Crying my eyes out can’t hold it in today, Saturday morning were special to us just a stupid thing we used to watch a TV show called Sharp every Saturday, we new every word to every episode but it’s what we did now it has no meaning anymore

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Mate, all manner of things will become special to you and remind you of your girl,last week I got emotional over a vinegar bottle that I broke, it was a cheap pressed glass one from the 1960s probably given to her by her mother when my girl set up home,I had known that bottle as long as I had known her, and I broke the bloody thing.
I can’t shop in the same shops, I just can’t, during the pandemic we used to take walks into the countryside, I still take the same walks but it hurts me slightly less each time I do.
Take it from me, grief is a form of madness, until I found this forum I thought I had gone round the twist, when something like a tv program ,that you and your girl used to watch together,
causes you to disolve into a gibbering mess say to yourself “it’s just the f##king grief, I’ll be ok later”
Anything can trigger a terrible emotional breakdown, even years later, it’s a real shit show.
Vic.

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I know what you mean I broke down over half a jam of mayonnaise, thank you so much for you kind words and advice

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What a coincidence we did the same and like you knew every word. I am weepy today as it is coming up to my birthday on Monday the first without my husband, I have to go the the hospital that day as well and I haven’t been back since I brought him home to care for.

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I still can’t go to our usual shops, I tried but had to leave I do online shopping now.

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I know exactly what you are going through as I’m in the same position. 48 wonderful
years of marriage and now I’m left on my own. So many plans for our future all dashed and destroyed. How do people cope with such devastation, I’m trying hard to be strong but know i will never get over such a huge loss but will have to learn to live with it. People say hang on to the memories, I do but how painful is that thinking of all the lovely times we shared for there never to be no more. Also friends have said keep busy and go out and about, I do, but they do not realise that awful grief goes with you. Not to mention going home to an empty house, getting through the night and waking in the morning with that gut wrenching feeling in the bottom of your stomach my soulmate has gone and I will never see him again. I hope I don’t sound full of self pity; I just feel so lost and lonely and in a strange world. My heart goes out to all in my position :heart:.

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You are not full of self pity I feel exactly the same, but in my chest It feels like it has burst and can’t be repaired xx

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Its going to be a hard day for me on the 16 th of April it’s Irenes birthday xx

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