Totally get that the three of us were like peas in a pod. Knew each other inside and out. Shared everything, was always there for one other. Dad had some tricky operations over the years and bounced back every time. We went through all of it together. I miss him so much. All the banter and in house family jokes and sayings. I miss him hiding my phone, tags, lighter etc. Hiding in the cupboard from me ready to jump out. I miss having someone always there for me. Telling me the truth knowing he was there if ever things went wrong. My voice of reason. My dad x
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Yes, True love, no matter what.
It’s rained heavily all day here. It’s very dark too.
It’s been an emotionally hard week and a hard difficult day. It feels very raw and painful. A lot of tears.
I so wish I’d told her what she meant to me. We just weren’t that type of family.
Grief today has made me feel unwell today. I’ll be hiding under a blanket later.
I completely get you Daffy as I feel exactly the same. We were not the family to say what each of us meant to each other. We were such a close family and there was always only my dad, mum and myself and we were happy with that. I too thought that I would have my mum for at least another 10 years. Looking back I can now see that mum was getting worse with her health but we just did not see it at the time, I guess living so close you sometimes miss what is in front of you. Wish I had paid more attention to how mum was feeling when she was saying that her back was hurting etc but it is a really helpless feeling you have when someone is not well, especially with COPD because there is just nothing you can do to make it right and you have to just trust what you are being told from doctors and health workers. Wish I could turn back the close but I know I cannot but although both my dad and myself are making the best of things, nothing will be the same and I enjoyed the life I used to have.
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I think actions speak louder than words. We didn’t need to say I love you and that you mean the world to me because we all know that deep inside. I’m sure if they didn’t know that then, then they sure do now x
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Daffy
We werent the type to tell each other what we meant to each other. My mum would have told me not to be a daft cow.
You didnt need to say that. Everything you did for your mum told her everything she needed to know.
We loved them so much
Ive been for an ultrasound on my shoulder today. Very quick.
Results back in a week or so.
The wind has driven the rain under my front door today and there is terrible flooding here in kent
Definitely sam.
Everything we did for them and the way we were with them told them how much we loved them. I dpnt come from a lovey dovey background
Barrie
My mums rheumatoid arthritis masked her more serious health issues. We saw mum was looking rough but we put everything down to arthritis or the medication that she took for it.
I have felt such guilt over not noticing mums rapidly declining health but we werent to know.
I need help nowhere else to go! Feel like I could happily throw myself in front of a bus I never thought it would hit me this hard. My dad passed away I was there with him until his last breath he was my best friend!!! 13th Feb he was 75 only diagnosed with lung cancer 4 months on my birthday 13th nov… I miss him so much I can’t stop crying !!! I’m supposed to b going back to work next week picking up his ashes tommorow! I’ve shut myself away friends children and my mum ! Been in bed since Monday not washed or brushed my teeth!!!
Hi ilene1,
I’m sorry to read about your dad. It really is the worst thing. My mum was 74 when she suffered a sudden severe bleed on the brain in june. She was so normal until the day she died and I’m in complete shock still.
However I am coming up for 9 months down the line. But for you this is so recent.
Please look after yourself. Dont rush back to work if you cant handle it. I was signed off for 12 weeks. I was such a mess. I went back to work on 8 hours a week for a couple of weeks and increased my hours each week until I was back full time on 14th december. This was 6 months after my mum had died.
See your GP if you need help.
What has kept me going is my daughter who my mum adored. She just turned 13 at the weekend. My partner has been great even though he has suffered. He loved my mum and they had a special relationship.
Also my work has been my saviour. I understand the feelings of despair but could never hurt myself. For a start my mum loved me so much I wouldn’t hurt her memory.
Please keep talking to us. There are a group of us who chat every day and it has also been a top reason for keeping me going.
Cheryl x
I’ve laid on the sofa today very tired and fed up. What a state!!! I’ve put on weight. No make up on. Drinking too much eating too much. I need to sort myself out.
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I think the weather doesnt help jooles.
After all the damage to my roof, I’m literally mopping up rain coming through under my front door.
The rain has been torrential in kent. I couldnt even get to work because the bridge by the railway station was impassable. The water was so high.
We will get there. I’ve also put on most of the weight I lost when mum died x
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Thank you for replying it’s so true you will never feel pain like this ! I’m hurting so bad! I was actually coping I even spoke at his funeral but it’s just hit me so hard I don’t know what to do?? I can’t eat or sleep xx
Ilene1. It’s such early days for all of us. But particularly you. I didn’t go back to work and gave up my main job. I worked 8 hours at another job. Which is all I could cope with. I’m just only now 6 months on ready for more hours.
I was numb and a little drunk at my mums funeral. She would have told me off. Looking back. The funeral was just a surreal weird day. The pain and sorrow didn’t come until after.
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Cheryl our front door is leaking and we have water coming through it. We are in a new build with warranty. But trying to get the builders to replace is like trying to get blood out of a stone.
Ilene
I look back at my mums funeral and I wonder how I didnt collapse with grief. Somehow some inner strength gets us through. I think I probably dying believe it to be honest because I still struggle now 38 weeks down the line.
Take things hour by hour, day by day and you will start feeling just that little but better.
I still have days that I sit and cry on and off. I miss my mum so much. She was my best friend. My dad died 21 years ago when he was 53 but being with my mum, we got through.
Without mum her, I cant get through her death if that makes sense. I need her here. But I cant have her.
I still dont socialise. If I’m not working or with my partner or daughter, I’m at home alone.
My next door neightbour stopped me for a chat today
I cried through the whole thing. X
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IIene, Have you eaten today? My doctor when i visited her shortly after my Mum passed said “make sure you eat!”, as I left. Try and get up and eat, preferably something warm. A toastie? Or convenience food if you have it in the house? Second, try and have a bath or shower, as it makes you feel more human afterwards. If you can manage both of those things you might feel marginally better.
It’s certainly not at all easy, but you must look after yourself.
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Thanks For all your kind comments! I haven’t eaten since Sunday and I’ve the same clothes on since then also? Ive been in bed since then too apart randomly drove and sat in a supermarket carpark for 3 hours ??? I just want this pain to go for at least a couple of hours ! Please tell me this is normal and im not going crazy ?? Xx
IIene1, your self preservation needs now to kick in! Find something to eat, before you end up in hospital. Your body is under enough strain with grief. Feed your body and mind.
Go and have something to eat and tell us what you are having.
Take the first steps to feeling a bit better.
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Ilene
You are completely normal!
I remember sitting on my landing and screaming. I cried to a door to door salesman that knocked on my door. I’ve never seen anyone run down the path quicker. I wanted to tell mum and she would have wet herself laughing.
Daffy is right. You need to eat and have a shower and dress. It wont bring your dad back but you will end up ill and there are still people that need you.
I dont mince words anymore.
We are all here for you. I’m often awake at 3am on this site x
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