Thats interesting joules.
My house is only 9 years and I’ve had so many issues.
When Ellis was born and I was single I bought a Victorian 2 up 2 down.
It never brought me a day of worry.
Today’s rain has not been normal. Ive rarely seen rain like it and it’s coming at an angle to my front door so I dont think this will happen frequently.
Good to hear I’m not the only one x
Thank you ! Honestly I know your both grieving too!! It’s do crazy what it does! Right I’m going for a v quick shower and brush my teeth ??? And hair is that a start ?? I can’t eat everytime I try I’m sick… I have blisters all over my tounge and throat did you experience that??? Xxx
Its all stress ilene
My tummy was so bloated I looked 9 months pregnant. I lost 10 lbs the first month.
Try and eat even if its half a slice of toast. You will be ill x
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I’ve had a cold shower and brushed my teeth! I can’t eat but I’ll try tomorrow! I just want him back for 5 mins even ??? I plan to go and scatter some ashes next week so I need to get it together for then !? I can’t afford to lose weight I’m thin at the best of times !
Ilene
Dont put pressure on yourself to do anything. I knew I wanted to scatter my mums ashes asap but I still held onto them for 8 weeks to make sure i was happy with what i was doing.
You arent eating, washing or looking after yourself but you are planning to scatter ashes.
We all understand and have been there so please listen to us xx
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It sounds like you are very run down, as you’ve got blisters. Your heart is going through enough stress with grief. It really does not need the added stress from not eating.
I have my Mum and Dad’s ashes tucked away in a wardrobe in the house.
Really, there is no rush to scatter ashes.
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Your right absolutely right !! I just keep thinking I’m going mental ??? Is that how you all felt?? I’m separated so I don’t have the support constantly! I have a very loving 24 year old son but he just keeps telling me to get a grip !! He’s scared I think xx
And this has been an amazing comfort at least I’m not crying anymore 
thanks everyone xx
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Of course. I was very scared for my mental health.
I went from being someone with a full on job, a house to run and a child to look after. Overnight I became a wreck, unable to work, crying all day and unable to cope with everything. I left my door keys in the front door hundreds of times and couldnt buy groceries for more than a day at a time for 6 months.
Even now little things stress me terribly and I still cant meet friends or go out socialising.
This isn’t going to be a quick fix ilene. Expect to feel like this for a long time.
This site has really helped me through some very dark times and thoughts. For your sake and your sons. Have a little bit of toast tomorrow. I didn’t eat for a week barely either. Then once I started eating again i couldn’t stop it will make you feel less ill. Also low blood sugars from not eating can make you feel a little insane too
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You are not going mental, you are just under considerable emotional strain.
Have you got some sweets or chocolate in the house? A hot chocolate or a hot milk drink? Anything, is better than no food at all. Food will comfort your body.
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Honestly thank you so much you have helped me so much tonight wish I’d found this sooner!! I’m really going try my hardest to get out of bed tommorow! My house is a tip lol!! Who knew we would feel like this ?? It’s horrendous!! Xxx
Hi Ilene,
Sorry you are with us on this journey. My father who was pretty healthy amazing dude up and died on us in his sleep last summer from cardiac arrest. He was in his 70’s and we would have never ever expected this. There were no symptoms or signs or anything. We all suffer from shock and ptsd from our situations here. The flashbacks are horrible and the sooner you can put those in a box in your mind the easier this starts to get.
Its very important that you eat and stay hydrated or else you will wind up with an illness. Your son is also grieving and probably cant handle the added stress of worrying about your health. Its ok to be super sad and even introverted, we have all been doing the same. Do you have something that can motivate you like a job or a pet that requires your attention? I am pretty sure that if I wasnt forced to get up because of kids and work, I would have been hiding away. I also didnt eat much the first few months, lost tons of weight, had heart palpatations, etc. and I was trying to force myself to eat 1 meal a day! If i made eggs, i would eat 5 because i knew it was all i was going to eat that day.
My mom found my dad and is suffering horribly. Luckily she has tons of friends and had a full schedule of retirement activities, so she just kept doing that.
We are 8 months down the line and it does get easier to cope with. We first go through shock, then eventually we realize that our bodies are not built to last which helps ease the understanding of why / how could this happen, and at that point you are free to grieve the loss of the person who is no longer there which is actually easier to do when not encumbered by the shock and the ruminating on the event.
Its a hard road.
We are all here for each other.
Wishing for you a peaceful night.
Ell
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It’s comforting to know it will get easier! But I was doing so well!!! I struggle with weight issues always have and I lose it very quickly… Think I’m about 7 stone I’m shaking constantly and can’t sleep at all if I do I just replay the last couple of days… I stayed at hospital with my dad for the last week and I’m so grateful of that!! My son is very strong and your right he is worried about me I also have a 16 year old daughter and I’ve kinda shut her out?? I literally want to be alone!!! I feel so selfish!! So should I go to my GP and explain? I don’t want medication but I would like a sleep!!! I have a partner that I really only see at weekends long distance and I finished with him last night ??? What the hell am I doing ??? I want someone to look after me for a few days and tell me it’s ok!!! I sound mental writing this !!! I’m so sorry for all your losses! Who knew it would b this hard!!! I’ve text my dad every day since he passed when do we stop doing that ??? Xxx
If anyone is still awake please chat away !! If not night night xx
Hi llene
I think you just have to take each day as it comes to be honest. I lost my mum New Year’s Day, just gone and I constantly think about her and wish she was back with us. I remember just after it was really hard to get out of bed but I think it is important to try and push yourself to get out of bed. Those actimel drinks are pretty good if your not feeling like eating although like the others have said it is important to eat and drink something.
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Thank you !! .so sorry not long ago for you either !!! I’ve got these build up drinks but I can’t stomach them either!! How old was your mum and how did she pass away? I just really want to sleep but as I said Ive got blisters l over my throat and tongue it’s agony I reckon I’m going to the doc tomorrow!!! Hope your ok xx
Ilene, so sorry to hear about your loss and what you are going through right now. It is absolute hell, there’s no denying that. It will get easier although I expect that is hard to believe right now. When I look back, now 6 months for me, I sometimes wonder how I managed to get through it but I did and I am here talking about it today. It sounds a little odd but when I think back and almost see myself in the days following the loss of my mum, I find it upsetting, not just thinking about her in her final days but also me and what I was thinking at the time. The mind can be a horrible place and some memories simple very painful to relive, almost like they are just happening again now. My mum died while on holiday with my family, it was not expected so even now doesn’t make sense at all and I still get waves of disbelief like I did today when I looked out of the window at the rain.
I can’t remember what I ate exactly when my emotions were at their most extreme but I know it was simple food and basically enough to get some calories into me. Sadly I went to other way with food and ended up eating lots of rubbish, cake, chocolate, biscuits and the put on a load of weight. I have now just lost it all again and got back into exercise. So yes, things will get better, just look after yourself right now and don’t worry about how you are supposed to feel both now and in the months to come. You are in a fantastic place here and you’ve already found a whole load of friends.
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My mum was only 73. She died of COPD. She had it for a good few years and was struggling mainly with severe back pain. We just thought that was osteoporosis as that is what the doctors were saying and when mum mentioned it to them they did not seem to acknowledge the pain she was in. We just thought she had at least another 10 years, even more. Then she got rushed into hospital as she was struggling to breath and everything went downhill so quickly from there.
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How lovely ! Thank you no one really knows the pain until they have experienced it so thank you everyone talking helps !! For sure I knew he was dying but it doesn’t make it any easier! What pisses me off when people say at least he’s not suffering anymore?? I’m so glad I found this forum it had helped me dramatic and getting out of bed tommorow for sure xx
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