i, I’m illana I lost my 21yr old son six weeks ago very suddenly. His heart just stopped and we don’t know why as the postmortem did determine the cause of death. Now waiting on the coroner to do their tests on samples taken.
I’m devastated and barely holding on. I have two other children ages 13 & 4 and feel I can’t grieve cause I got to hold it all together for them. My husband is amazing but he is handling this differently to me and I feel at times he doesn’t get me as hard as he tries.
I don’t know what to expect from this group but I thought I’ll reach out and give it a try. Many thanks x
Sorry to hear about your son. It must be so hard losing a child no matter how old they are there still your baby. You will get support from this site and lots of positive comments. I’m been on hear since i lost my husband 2 years ago, so keep on reading about other people’s journeys and hope it provides some comfort to know you are not alone .
Thank you so much and I’m so sorry about your husband. I’m hoping being on here can help me start to make sense of things and to definitely start the healing process x
Hi,
I too lost my only son 9 months ago from a cardiac arrest at the age of 31.
It’s devastating and heartbreaking.
It’s not in the right order.
I am struggling emotionally and physically,every day is a challenge and constant reminders of his beautiful face cause me such pain.
I miss him so much I find it hard to put into words.
You are not alone,stay strong.
Jayne x
I’m deeply saddened to hear of your loss and can easily understand how not knowing why your son passed away just adds to your pain. My pain and loss is for my wife but the one thing that we all have in common is that we lost someone that was precious and loved more than our own lives.
We all grieve in different ways so I’m not surprised that your husband is dealing with it in a different way to you,the simple fact is that you are both still feeling the grief of losing your son.
If you are both struggling to find common ground then you may need to look at ways that help,counselling being just one,there are different ways to do this such as online,face to face etc,
Make no mistake, what you and we are all going through is trauma on a scale most of us have never experienced before.
Tonight I spent the evening walking along the seafront in tears unable to stop them and feeling a pain like no other,hiding so that people don’t see me,drying my eyes and within minutes they come back. This isn’t something normal for any of us but for you it may be that much harder as there are two of you going through the same trauma.It’s hell,sheer hell.
I hope that you find support on here and send you all my best wishes and thoughts.
I want to reply and I want to support you but I don’t know what to say,I just feel for you because I know my grief but it’s for my wife not a son.
I know it feels like hell with no let up in the every day mental and emotional torture,I just want it to end for all of us. x
Hi larn so sorry to hear about your loss its truly heartbreaking i lost my boy last year on my birthday he were 20 i know exactly what your going through. Do try stay hydrated and breathe its terribly mind numbing were thrown into this world we never expected or ever imagined the early days are unbelievably painful. Im sending you strength x
Hi
Even though it’s 16 years since we lost our daughter suddenly. We had a post mortem and an inquest.
We found out she died of SUDEP, and her fit caused the breathing mechanism in her brain to stop,
I t just devastated us, my husband tried to carry on for me but he was breaking inside.
It was only when I made him sit down and stop working that l got him to talk properly. It all came spilling out it actually made us stronger as a couple.
We just felt we were in a bubble life was going on around us and yes the pain is unbearable. In time you learn to live with it but l still get ambushes even after 16 years.
Unfortunately what it did to my husband physically is another thing xx
I am so sore for your loss of your lovely son. A site we never thought we would be in. I am new to this site having lost my son aged 35, 19 weeks ago. I keep counting the weeks but I think it makes it worse. I have found this site a god send. I hate Fridays and last Friday I was horrendous. I actually thought was I going to make it. I ended up at my friends next door, knocking the door and crying my eyes out. I e re grouped again, lots of walking, bike riding and feeling ok at the moment until the next wave hits….whenever that will be. I’m waiting for an inquest which is not easy. I hope you find this site as good as what I have as it’s one place I can write my feelings down and not be judged by others who don’t have a clue about how you are feeling xx
Hi MJG,
I’m also struggling getting through each day and I to count the months but don’t know why,you’re absolutely right it doesn’t help.
It’s coming quickly up to 10 months since we lost our son,he was 31 years old and still lived at home with us,so not having him walk through the door everyday is heart wrenching for us.Seeing his beautiful smile and laughter is so missed but I try so hard to convince myself that he’s at peace now and no longer has to struggle and navigate his way through life that he found so so difficult.
Keep sharing your thoughts and keep taking.
Stay strong,
Jayne
I am so sorry but not sure what to say as we are all on the same boat. I lost my 24 years old cancer all sudden. I can feel him in the house, talking to me and get night sweat and cry in the middle of night. I miss him all the time , driving, cooking and listening to music. I used to tell him that I would never let anything happen to him as long as I am alive but nothing worked, I have locked his room since he died, Unfortunately we have to live with this grief for the rest of our life xx
My 19yr old daughter died 21 days ago from a massive seizure and cardiac arrest but the passers by re started her heart ,she ended up in intensive care in an induced coma ,but she also had cystic fibrosis ,which had made her lungs weak over the years ,she got pnuemonia and died two weeks after being admitted ,she hadn’t woken in all that time ,the pain is unbearable and I just don’t know how anyone gets past the pain I’m sorry for your loss xx
You won’t know at the moment it’s still too raw.
When our daughter died suddenly from SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected. Epilepsy Death) at nearly 22 it was her breathing mechanism in her brain that stopped.
Our world stopped that day, the pain is unbearable l would just scream and cry all the time like a lionesses who had lost her cub ( sorry it’s the only way I can describe it )
Me and my hubby talked and talked even now after 16 years l still get the sensation of screaming on her birthday and holidays.
After 5 years l learnt to live with the grief and at the age 50 l went to university and got my PGCE for my Lizzie)daughter),
It sounds silly but I felt her with me on my graduating day xx
I had never heard of sudep before ,& that was what my daughter “should “ have died from of it hadn’t been for the quick actions of the passers by ……I don’t understand if she was brought back to life in that moment ,why she had to die a few days later I can’t deal with the pit in my stomach feeling that I can’t ever see /touch/talk to her properly again! It’s so utterly devastating and not fair for any of us losing a child
Losing a child of any age is truly devastating and heartbreaking.
I to find every day difficult especially not being able to save my son.
I was with him on the day he passed away and tried tirelessly to save his life with CPR until the emergency services arrived which took 45 minutes and therefore unfortunately he couldn’t be saved.
My daughter was there also and that is just so unbelievably awful.
My son was 31 years old and my daughter is 27 years old.
How do you support your remaining child when they and you are going through so much trauma and pain?
It’s completely devastating.
I miss my son every minute of every day but try to stay strong for my beautiful daughter.
Life is so hard and unfair but we must try to find strength in the fact that they are now at peace.
Jayne
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son in March 2023, I hate Fridays. I too did CPR but new in my heart it was too late. The co responders, ambulance crews and police were all so fantastic to myself and partner. I am amazed that on this site how many people have had to do CPR on their own child. Something you never think you would ever have to to do, but in away weird sort of way it gives me some comfort that’s others have had to endure this experience. No one else gets it apart from everyone on this site. Take care and be kind to yourself xx
I lost my son 21 , just 6 weeks ago . It’s his funeral today .
I am broken and can not see a way forward at the moment .
Like you though I do have a lovely daughter 19 and have to believe there is hope for the future for her sake .
It’s difficult to help siblings with their grief when ours is all consuming . It’s as if our roles have reversed and she’s now looking after me instead of the other way round and I don’t want that .
We lived for our children and now one has gone half of us has also been destroyed but we must survive for the sake of ourselves and other child .
It must have been hard waiting 6 weeks for his funeral ,my daughters was a week ago today but seems like it was in a nightmare a long time ago now I’m so sorry for your loss ,and you make it through the day ok ,the only thing that kept me going that day was making her final journey one that she would have been proud of ,and all about her Thinking of you x
Hi Tilly13,
I am thinking of you today and know just how difficult it is going to be for you,your daughter and all your family and friends.
I found it most difficult to just leave the house once I saw the funeral cars in particular the hearse,knowing that my beautiful boys body was laying there inside.
I did however gather strength once I saw the amount of people who filled the church,half of whom I’d never met before.At least half the congregation were my son’s friends and I spoke to every single one of them as they left the church.
I realised just how much he was loved,and he truly was.
I hope you draw some strength from today and let the warm envelope you.
Take care
Jayne x
It is the most horrible feeling a parent can feel, it is not natural a parent should go before there children.
But I think that’s why it hurts so much.
My daughter had a autopsy and inquest and they told us it was SUDEP.
There is a a really good support group called Bereaved Epilepsy which can support you xxx
i lost my boy last year on my birthday he were 20 i know exactly what your going through. Do try stay hydrated and breathe its terribly mind numbing were thrown into this world we never expected or ever imagined the early days are unbelievably painful. Im sending you strength x
I’m sorry for your loss xx