Thinking of you. I had to wait 3 weeks for my sons celebration of life. The day before I had no idea how to make. The morning I went for a long walk chanting in my head strength and strong. When the hearse arrived I was first out to look at the flowers. I had no tears, the crematorium was packed. I knew the service word for word. I know it sounds unreal but enjoyed every single moment. I knew he was at peace and resting. I kept it together until we got home, then I cried and cried. However when his ashes were returned that was a different story, I lost the plot completely. My poor partner didn’t know what to do. In the end he had to be so firm with me. I have my sons ashes in a beautiful home made large pot all made out of wood. It gives me peace and I can talk to him whenever I want. We all deals with things in our own way but do what you can when you can. I have found there are no set guidelines for this grieving process. Take care, be kind to yourself xxx❤️
Hope you got through today okay!
Xxx
I have today thank you. I broke today into segments which really helped. Started the day with a coastal walk, 6 Mile bike ride, food shopping, the. Went to see my friend next door. Her son came round later with a bunch of flowers for me which was so kind of him. He saw me in meltdown last Friday and wanted to make me smile today. It worked. I wrote my private journal with no tears. I have no tears today but tomorrow is another day to get through, I find I have a massive meltdown then come back stronger, my partner says I show the same signs when I lost my parents however this is totally different. The pain I feel sometimes is crazy and I ask myself why did you take those drugs. Thank you so much xx❤️
Try to just get through everyday,we have to be kind to ourselves and remember the good times.
It’s so hard I know but that’s all that we have.
We are all struggling with the worst pain imaginable and that will take a long time to even process it let alone move forward.
Thoughts with you
Jayne
Thank you Jayne, I’ve had to start breaking the day down instead of looking too far forward, it’s too painful to do. Like you say remember the good times and happy memories. I think the weather helps, it’s lovely and sunny where I am today. Take care and be kind to yourself, little steps for us all, even though we go backwards, then have to move forward a bit again 
xx
MJG,
Thinking of you.
Look after yourself.
Jayne x
Thank you Jayne, I hope you are as ok as you can be, I’ve actually had a good day, put the sun loungers out for a few hours. Actually relaxed, felt guilty then. See what tomorrow brings I guess. I had a memory tattoo done few weeks ago, now sat thinking about my next one…saying strength and strong. Need to occupy my head. Big hug to you xx
Hi MJg,
I’m thinking of you and hoping that you’re coping ok,
Life is so difficult for us as parents and life without our child can never be the same but we just have to keep fighting and hoping that they are at peace.
I pray everyday that my son is now restful and he no longer has to struggle through life.
I know he told me that life was difficult for him and therefore I pray that he now has some kind of healing.
Stay strong
Jayne x
Thank you Jayne and you seem to understand having been in this awful situation. I think the same my son is at peace and not fighting the cravings he used to say he had. I had 14 years of some very difficult times, but he was kind caring and loving, just like your son, until probably the demon drugs changed them. I lost count of the times the police would be involved, I worked hard to provide a lovely caring home, my parents hime was his home as well, and spent lots of time living with them to give me a rest. I think why have I busted my gut….for nothing. It is only me and my partner. I’m lucky to so many people I have two houses and quite comfortable however it all means nothing as I have to change my will and make decisions eventually of where my money goes when I’m not here. Oh well. We have to take it hour by hour some days. I don’t even think about tomorrow. I have booked a swim this morning, hopefully I don’t see anyone I know. Take care, be kind to yourself, big hugs xx
I lost my 47 year old son suddenly with gastric bone mets cancer, he had no symptoms . Suddenly got pains in hips that he could not walk could not find primary cancer .died within in 3 months. So I know how you feel .so how we have to go on
I’m so sorry for your loss my son died almost 2 years ago, he was 28. For a long time afterwards me and my other son, who was 30 then didn’t talk about our loss. After a few months I decided to talk to him about it, I felt like I’d almost pushed him away. It doesn’t take the pain away but I think it helped us both xx
Hi Gill1960,
I lost my son 10 months ago now, he was 31 years old and both me & my daughter (27 years old)were with my son when he suffered a cardiac arrest.
He struggled for 20 minutes before his heart stopped and I began CPR.
It took in total over 45 minutes for any emergency services to arrive.
Both myself and my daughter are completely traumatised.As yet my daughter still can’t talk about the events of that day with anyone especially me 
It’s so difficult and heartbreaking for me but watching her suffer is the worst pain ever.
I hope that in time she’ll be able to talk to me about it and that it may help us both.
Take care and thank you for sharing your experience.
Jayne x
MJG,
We have so many things in common and parallels.
Our sons struggled with life and thought they’d found a way to cope with the difficulties they faced in their lives.
I can connect with you so much regarding our painful loss and the years before of dreadful desperation trying to get help to make our sons lives better,to know avail.
I yearn for my son and the fact that I couldn’t help him or get the support he needed.
However we have to forgive ourselves as we did everything we could to help them,but sometimes there is no more we can do but love them.
You take care and forgive yourself as I’m trying so hard to do the same.
Jayne x
Yes I do believe we have forgive ourselves. It’s so easy to think of the ‘what ifs’. I’m not sure I could’ve done anymore. My main regret is, I never thought of my son as an addict, he’d been off drugs for so long (apart from cannabis) but looking back he was, it was part of his life. I wish I had been more understanding of that but unfortunately we can’t change what’s happened in the past x
Absolutely,
No regrets.
Life is too short but that will never stop us from missing and loving our son’s so much.
I physically ache for him.
Love Jayne
Yes we do seem to have the same things to deal with. No one actually realises until it happens how hard life is prior to this. I read a really interesting article at the weekend about addiction, it’s such a shame other people don’t understand how much people with any illness or addiction struggle. I had a melt down yesterday, couldn’t even pin point the trigger point. We would do anything to have our loved ones back but all I think is they are at peace and not fighting the demons, my son used to say no one realises how hard it is. Like you I did everything even to the point of offering to remortgage my home to go to private rehab…I don’t need help I’m not always on it🤷♀️. Yes we have to forgive ourselves but it’s not easy, little steps when we are ready. Take care xx
I lost my daughter just over 2 years ago on my birthday. She was 45 and had been diagnosed with a brain tumour 7 years previously. So my husband and I had been her support, as she had no partner. No matter what age, losing a child is devastating. As you say, it’s the wrong way round. Some days are better than others, but every day I usually have a little cry. Might only be a minute , but it’s there. I don’t know how long this will last, it’s a process, i suppose that I’ve got to work through. One day at a time.
It is so difficult. I lost my son in March, and still can’t get my head round it. Waiting for the inquest in October. I was watering my Mums pot on Saturday and all of a sudden I was crying my eyes out…I needed my Mum to hug me. I don’t usually cry watering her pot, but always my sons, and sometimes my Dad. I feel I e lost everything some days…nothing eases the pain. We somehow have to find the strength each day to get through it. Big hugs xx
Some folk have said creating some kind of memorial can help maybe a garden, photo album, drinking water and taking care of yourself. Hope this helps.
Today has been a really rough day for me,then every Monday will always be a struggle as that was the day I lost my son nearly 11 months ago now.
How can that be nearly a year ago.
He was only 31 years old.
It’s not the right order.
I miss him every single minute of every day.
I try so hard to tell myself that he’s at peace but truly I just want him back so that I can fix it for him.
It’s not easy but listening to others heartache helps and knowing that I’m not alone.
Love to all suffering the same.
Jayne x