My son died on the 17th July a Monday a month ago . He died of Cancer aged 47 , we don’t expect our children to go before us. Take care
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My daughter died on 13th July 
I can’t comprehend it ,it’s so overwhelming and has completely changed me as a the person I once was 
she was only 19 …I’m so sorry about your loss x
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Hi Jayne, how are you today. Like you I hate Fridays, and play a game in my head so I dont have a Friday in my week…sad but the only way to cope. I’m sure you reflect where the time has gone and how difficult life is, I certainly do. Yesterday I wanted to go for a swim, I wasn’t fit to drive and so restless, just pacing round myself like a caged animal. I’ve had a really good swim today so pleased with myself. I started to sort out photos last night, backing them up yet again, icloud and memory stick…it’s all we have. I find some days I can look at photos and another day….no way. Well the inquest date is set for October…it won’t change anything…drugs overdose. I have even distanced myself from my best friend at the moment….she doesn’t get it, never asks how I am, just assumes I’m ok. All I have to do is listen to her moaning about her adult kids….how lucky she is. We would give anything to have them back and we know we did everything for them. Sorry rambling on, take care, big hugs❤️ xx
Hi mjg,
I feel just like you Infact Virtually everything you say resonates with me totally.
We had our son’s inquest last May and it was,apart from losing him,one of worst days of my life,listening to his life replayed with no warmth or emotion.
However none of that matters because we knew our child better than anyone and their overwhelming love and compassion.
I’m sending you all the love for that day.
Once it is over you can celebrate their life instead of focusing on their death.
Much love
Jayne x
Thanks Jayne, looks like we follow similar paths. I will be going to the inquest, dreading it, but no good worrying about it yet. I have asked for the bundle to be sent to you prior to the inquest. Like you say whatever is said there we know the truth about our boys and mist of all how much we loved and love them. Yes my son made a fatal mistake that night, and I have to live this hell because of it but I would change it all, like you would….if only we could. We know we did all we could and should not beat ourselves up, but we do. I’m trying to sort photos out, got in such a pickle … try again tomorrow .
Sending big hug xx
Hi mgj,
Set your expectations low for the inquest and you won’t be disappointed,remember that it’s just format for them,they never new are sons and therefore it’s only ticked boxes.
We know who they really were and just how hard they struggled through their demons,always relentlessly and with resilience.
I sometimes think that I sound together about all this but believe me I am absolutely not.
I share your pain and anguish.
Take care.
Jayne x
Hi, yes the demons like my son would say to me. How I wished I could have helped him more. I guess it’s an everyday job to the people about the inquest, a tick in the box, probably enough to destroy us even more, I will hopefully rise above it. I look on it as another bit of closure which has to be done and out of my control. Just been looking at photos…tonight they have made me smile and listened to a few silly videos he made,just hearing his voice tonight helped. Take care, tiny steps….we have to keep going for our boys xx
Hi mjg,
I to watch videos and look at photos of my son knowing that there will never be any more.
As I’m sure you will be suffering from the same thing,
they are limited as our sons had another life going on along with their family life.
They are so few especially in the last years before his passing.Life was so difficult and he very rarely attended family gatherings and occasions.
I know he loved us and wanted to be with us and extended family but his troubles and demons wouldn’t allow him to.
Hopefully we know that they are at peace and no longer have to fight.
Much love,
Jayne x
You do change as a person. I’m not the woman I was before our daughter passed in 2021 . To be honest, I don’t really like the new me!!! I’m anxious, angry and so many other emotions . I do wonder if the old me will ever return.
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@Aquarius i think the people we were goes when we lose our children .
We have to try to start a new horrible life without them . Almost like being reborn .
It’s not surprising we are angry and anxious . We have lost our precious children .
I feel i am just existing at the moment although it’s only been 7 weeks for me .
I keep reading that eventually I will have moments of joy again albeit ringed with sadness so I will just wait .
Take care xx
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7 weeks is no time at all, Tilly. I still get the actual physical pain in my chest at times when I think of her. But it’s not as often as it used to be. I don’t think that will ever fully go away. We have planted a tree for her in a memorial forest. So I go and sit and talk to her there. Although I talk to her all the time anyway. Give yourself time. There’s days when I’m really bad. But again, they’re not as often as when she first passed. I still long to see her and speak to her and hug her. I always will. Take one day at a time.
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Sorry you sound like me, angry anxious. I also have no patience for anything or petty little things. Yes it does change you and I have always had a strong outlook but find when I have a meltdown which is loads. I seem to come back harder natured, and sometimes don’t think that is so good. Oh well if people weee going through what we go through they would understand. Take care xx
Yep life was difficult with them and especially when the demons were there….the dreaded drugs would change them. Walked with my so called best friend……moan, moan, moan, I cut the walk short, couldn’t take anymore. I know I’m the same person but she couldn’t even be bothered to say did you have a nice swim yesterday. Maybe I can look at some more photos later. Take care xx