It’s been 3 years. The manifestation has grown instead of getting better. I can’t talk/refuse to my mom due to her unimaginable pain. I have 2 other brothers, cant talk to about our loss. They deal with their own way i guess. Many think/say oh you have 2 other brothers. He was my oldest brother he and I were extremely close. I never ever thought I’d reach out to a group or forum but worth a try. Im hoping for advice, tips and tools from others with such a loss.
P.S. I’ve been in therapy way before his passing
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Hello @Seester,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hello @Seester . I lost my youngest brother just over two years ago and like you have two other brothers. My brother’s death was unexpected and I had never known heartbreak like it I had brought him up from his early teens…it was like losing a child. That first year was tough and I was not in a good place. It took just over a year before I could look at his photo without crying. His absence got easier to accept and although anniversaries are upsetting, I have to accept that nothing can bring him back. You just have to take each day as it comes and remember the happiness you shared.
My youngest son passed away Christmas Eve and I am feeling that awful heartbreak again. My son’s funeral is approaching and that has kept me busy and I am trying to be strong for my other son. Part of me wants to shut myself away from everyone but I know torturing myself with what ifs and locking myself away isn’t going to change what happened. The grief will be with me always but it will get easier to deal with.
Be kind to yourself and remember your happy memories with your brother. I think accepting what has happened helped me. I have to go through this all again with my beautiful boy now and pray that that feeling of dread I have every Day eventually eases off and that my son and brother are together with my dad up above 
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I too have just lost a brother age 52, im 50 on 6th dec 23, i know what you mean about your mum, i see the pain in her eyes everyday, i cant see anything getting any better, worse time of my life xx
My brother died unexpectedly in December whilst abroad with his family the day after his 50th. There were no signs. It has hit me and family so hard, we are devastated.
He was the middle brother, but the most important member of the family (if that makes sense without going into detail).
He has a very young daughter and a wife.
I have spent the last 6 weeks helping to get his family back from abroad, bring him home weeks later, arrange the funeral, and all around Xmas and new year (which aren’t important), and console family, all this in utter disbelief, the thought of having to accept this and grow my life around it is so far fetched.
Our parents are in their 70s and can’t understand what’s happened. The have lost their superstar son. I am worried for their health.
I hate cliches but it seems they are right.
Everything feels pointless. Reaching out to this community is difficult in itself. I don’t want to admit he’s gone, I find myself thinking of how I can bring him back, or if I can’t talk to him or see him. When someone says he’s died, it makes me wince.
I sleep fine because of the mental exhaustion, but I wake up and it starts all over again. I describe the feeling as like a mixture of terror and misery wrapped up in a real life nightmare that has engulfed me.
I don’t take enjoyment in anything except a very very small bit of satisfaction in somehow helping people he loved. The feeling of misery lasts all day, and gets worse or stays the same. I find the usual distractions like tv have hardly any impact. I can’t even watch drama tv or anything involving death.
Looking at photos or videos of him is what I want to do, but then the grief gets worse.
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Omg omg omg! My birthday is December 6th also! I turned 48. My brother was 7 years older than me (oldest) so long story short he practically raised me
How long ago did you lose your brother? Not that it matters but it does because i feel so bad about whining when my brother has been gone 3 years and 2 months and has not gotten much easier
Oh omg SO heartbroken for you! Oh how dare i weep of lising my brother. If i could just give you a HUMONGOUS HUG! Even to a stranger i wish just 1 SPLIT SECOND some kind of comfort. The loss of a child unfathomable to me. I have 2 children and 2 grandsons
Tips in coping? But i dont expect a response. there’s just no words when lost a child.
Ive lost many many close ones, some more than than, too young too. So the “mental spine” if you will, thought would help in time w my brother, and has not.
Im rambling im sorry. God bless you! I mean that in sincerity (because ive lost my faith)
Hi Matt, you share the same name as my brother. I’m so sorry you have lost your brother too.
I’m not going to lie… the first year and a half was hard for me after I lost my own brother. I just sat looking at his photos and videos I have of him on my phone. His was the first death in our family that really affected me… because it was unexpected and he was only in his thirties.
The first anniversaries were hard and I thought the pain would never end… but it did. I accepted he was gone and torturing myself with questions as to what I could have done differently didn’t change anything.
All I can say is you need to grieve yourself and also try and support your parents in any way you can. Be there for each other and support each other during this difficult time.
My son’s funeral was 2 days ago and I am going through it all again but this time I’m not going to ask myself what could I have done for him… because I couldn’t have done anything and as much as I want to… I can’t bring him back.
I’m grieving and also trying to be strong for my other son. He’s carried the coffins of 3 close family members and he’s only 26. His strength is my strength
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Not sure how you have managed to cope with everything you have been through.
I’m in the void after the funeral, when everything goes quiet and life seems hollow.
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I find that I can’t convince myself that my own advice is right
I’m honestly not sure myself how I have coped as I’m quite an emotional person at the best of times. Being in work has been a distraction and stops me going insane. My eldest son has been so strong and I’m so proud of him… I have to be strong for him too.
I get what you mean about the void after the funeral but I have good friends who have planned days out…a coffee or a visit somewhere. Friends like that are also helping me get through each day and my son has a good circle of support around him too. I’m just taking it day by day and some are easier to get through than others.
I did some work last week but focussing for more than half an hour without going back to thinking about it is hard. I’ve had to take lots of breaks.
With friends, I want to talk about it but don’t want to as well, it’s impossible not to. I feel like a shadow of myself.
There’s no real grief template to follow as situations are unique for each person.
Yes exactly, everyone reacts differently and it’s about knowing what is best for yourself.
There are lots of lovely people on here who are supportive and understanding when you do want to get your feelings down.
I find just typing things down can be help to me.
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Each time I bump into some one and tell them what’s happened, it all starts again. I can’t be bothered telling anyone anymore.
Tell people in your own time. It took me weeks to tell people about my son and my eldest son has friends he hasn’t told. There was no big announcement on social media. Just those closest to us know. It’s upsetting having to repeatedly explain .
How are you today? I’ve been down again this morning.
I’ve been at work today as the distraction helps me. People have been lovely but I have the odd few who avoid me… I get they may not know what to say. Being at home makes me feel worse and my son’s belongings are where he left them as I’m not ready to move them.
Have you been able to do anything today…or have anyone you could talk to?
I can talk to my mum but I can’t too much or I risk upsetting her even more than she is too.
It’s difficult isn’t it.My eldest son is the same with me and I have to think about what I say to him because I don’t want him upset any more than he is already.
I’ve just taken the bins out and got upset as they aren’t as full as they usually are… another reminder.