I’ve got recent WhatsApp messages from him, and then they just stop. Sometimes I see something in the news or something funny and go to share it with him, and then I stop.
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Hi,
How have you been these last few days?
I was quite bad on Tuesday, crying a lot and then unable to get out of the spiral. Today I was a bit calmer, a bit more numb, but I am starting to understand the cycle of this now. I know that the shock and disbelief will be back again sooner rather than later. Another hard thing is seeing others in my family at a different day in their cycle to me (if that makes sense). How about you?
I haven’t been sleeping too well… hence the early hours of the morning reply. I wake up with a feeling of dread because I have to go through another day without my son here. This time last week was the funeral service so I know today is going to be difficult.
You are going to have days when you want to scream and others when you can just push through it. It was almost 2 years before I could look at photos of my brother without breaking down.
It doesn’t seem like it now but you will have better days and the gap between those and the not so good ones will get bigger. I would speak to your family too because even though you are afraid of upsetting them, you are also grieving and need support.
I hope today is a bit better for you.
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The week after the funeral was hard for me, as all the things you need to do just stop as soon as it’s happened. And the loneliness sets in.
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Hi how is everyone doing today? With all such recents w matt and anne and luan… i wanted to check in and know that been thinking about you. Its been a rough week for me (working on some other self help) so i apologize for late response.
So, again, how are you?
Watching the superbowl was tough and thought about my brother. But i do every sunday when our buffalo bills play i put his ern right next to me and put his weed bowl next to him haha. Of course i think about him every single day! Football and hockey were a bonding thing w me n him.
I was a little better last few days, and then spent half the morning crying today. I went to a football match at the weekend. But it’s just not the same without him. I started crying when the club song started.
Hi
Not had a great weekend. I’m exhausted and I couldn’t motivate myself to get washed or dressed today. Hardly hear from anyone since the funeral and feeling sorry for myself 
I felt that too.
I’m going to his house to take some stuff tomorrow, and dismantle things. Will be very hard for me to take pieces of his things away.
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I guess some think once the funeral is over you have closure and things get easier…if only it was that easy.
Do you have anyone helping you tomorrow? I haven’t moved anything of my son’s belongings…too soon.
Hope tomorrow isn’t too difficult for you.
I’ll have to do it on my own. I feel like I want to have some of his stuff, as I don’t have anything direct from him. But it will be hard to undo stuff he’d put together for his life there. What will you do in your situation?
It doesn’t get easier after the funeral. You just move into another phase. Which isn’t that different in reality. I felt incredibly alone and felt guilty that I’m still here. I feel that now too.
It’s understandable you would want something to keep of your brother’s and I’m sure he would want you to keep something personal of his. I have one of my brother’s tops as it was all that was left after his girlfriend took everything… but it’s his so I don’t mind.
I know I’ll have to sort my son’s belongings eventually. He still lived at home so it’s everywhere. It’s just too soon for me.
I feel worse after the funeral than before. I’m on a break from work too so I haven’t got the distraction… hopefully tomorrow/ today is a better day 
I think your situation is terrible. I know mine is. But I think yours is worse to cope with. That might make you feel worse, me saying that. But that’s what I think.
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Ugj. Im so sorry. It seems no matter how we push ourselves to live life for them… always always something or someone and/or memory thats Heartbreaking every time
Our minds after such a loss just dont operate that way (like my therapist says it should yea right)
Awe im so sorry! That hurts! I feel people think we need our “space” or “time” , which is complete opposite of what we need
Oh i cant imagine having his stuff everywhere. Its gotta be a double edge sword… you dont want to let go of it but yet not dealing w it keeps it so fresh. I have no words. Someone can maybe help you sort n save what you want? It was soooo hard just to go thru my brother’s clothes! I kept some hoodies i wear way too big n some stained but love them n such memories. Getting rid of some other stuff was SO hard n we boxed up n still have cuz too hard to let go or feel like its letting go idk. The clothes was really really really tough believe it or not. Matt… how’d you do having to go to his house? Sending big hugs to you both. And baby steps… just a suggestion. Its all so overwhelming i know! Even after 3 years. Getting a notecard or flyer from hospice care even this much longer and i fall apart and cant fathom what they think by doing so. It breaks my mom for days when she receives xmas card from them
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Idk if closure is even possible to be honest w such a loss im so sorry n dont mean to sound harsh, please. Especially w losing a child ugh i just cant even fathom. There will always be a hole and an empty spot in our hearts and souls. Just wish there were some kind of comforting words. Again, im suffering and been over 3 years. Both of you… your pain is SO fresh. I feel guilty to have even shared my grief
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Thank you @Seester 
. You shouldn’t apologise for sharing your grief… that’s what we are here for. Your brother was a huge part of your life just as mine was 
. I had a bad day yesterday and no motivation to get washed and dressed but that’s part of the grief journey…ups and downs. I think it’s too soon for me to start emptying my house of my son’s belongings but people tell me I’ll know when the time is right. He’s in every room and I want it to stay that way for now.
I kept a t-shirt of my brother’s and I have all the cards he sent me… plus we have our memories and they are more important than possessions.x