Lost my dad last week

Me and my dad were best friends, I spoke to him every day and saw him loads. He was always helping other people. Last Wednesday my mum found him dead in bed at 74, cause of death was haemopericadium and ruptured aortic dissection. Not even sure what that is really. I am broken, can’t eat, sleep or function. Not sure I can handle this grief. Just feel numb. He wasn’t ill, it was such a shock. My question is how long will I feel like this?

Hello Mellymo, I want to welcome you to our Online Community - I really hope that you will find some comfort from talking to others here who are going through similar tough times as you.
It must have been a terrible shock for you and your mother last week, when your dear father suddenly died. I expect it all seems unreal to you at the moment, as you struggle to accept what has happened.
During the next few days and weeks, you will go through lots of emotions, and I hope that you and your mother can support each other. I will be thinking of you, with kind regards, Jackie

Thank you Jackie, it’s been 10 days now and I’m still in turmoil. I’m trying to be strong for my girls but as soon as there are at school I spend the day crying.

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hello hun,

i lost my dad in feb to cancer at 64… its bern almosr 5 months., true answer were all different im still struggling but this site is helping… i have my good days and my bad days… it will get better in time , i hoe but we will never stop missing them after all thata why we are here and breathing cus of our parentsxxx

big hugs x

Today I feel nervous like in sitting an exam. Does getting out help? have been talking to dad a lot today and not crying just nerves.

yes im a single mum with 2 kids and the worst time is when they are in bed. keep busy and try to be around people but only those who allow u to talk about him x

Thank you, I have my husband and two daughters but I don’t like to keep mentioning him as they get upset. Funeral is in 12 days, not sure how I will get through it.

Hi mellymo, firstly I am so sorry for your loss and it must have been such a shock for you and your mum. I lost my mum on may 16th to cancer she was my world we were peas a pod and I nursed her throughout it was heartbreaking but I was with her every step of the way. I can fully relate to what u have put in your posts! The first days weeks are really tough and you are in shock and your mind and emotions will be all over the place! It’s so very painful losing a parent ESP as it sounds like you were so close to your dad. I still wake up feeling so anxious you described it as exam nerves and although all of this is awfull it is at the same time normal if that makes sense? And you are not alone in how you are feeling that’s the main thing I want to get across to you you are not alone with these awful mixed gutting feelings of grief pain and missing them so much it’s all very heartbreaking!!!. I got help from my gp I am lucky that my gp who was also my mums is very good. I also had have help from the crisis team if you feel like you are really too overwhelmed and can’t cope that maybe that could be a option for you. For me it has been very much needed and has been of good support. The funeral I organised it all my self for mum and I dreaded the day and I’m not sure how I did get through it it’s quite a painful blur but I wanted to be with her for her final journey every step of the way I carried the casket to the grave her resting place so that’s what I mean by literally every step of the way as far as I could go with her. You will get through it .it will be hard painfully but you can do it. Be kind to yourself . I’m always talking to my mum and find it helps. I feel she is still all around me. At the min I’m having a bit of abetted hour but in 2hours time I could feel so overwhelmed and so anxious again that it makes you feel I’ll you go through all these waves of emotions. Take it hour by hour or 5 min by 5 min if a whole day can seem too much. I hope some of this helps just please remember you are not alone in these awful gutting feelings as I know what that feels like and that is where I have found this site helpful as you relies you are not alone and grief and pain are the worst things in the world!!! I miss my mum painfully and wish I was with her I would of given her my life as I loved her so so much beyond words so every day is such a struggle!! I hope I’ve not made you feel worse . I’m dyslexic so excuse any mistakes. Sending you love and hugs and if ever you wana chat I’m here. With love. Trayx

Thank you Tray for your kind words.

Been for a walk this evening to the shops, kept thinking of my dad and the fun we had when we went shopping. He was a very young 74, was in a rock band for 40 years. Found getting out helped a bit and doing normal things. Haven’t cried today just feel nervous. Looking forward to bed now.

you will get through it i promise…thw funerals ur chance to say goodby and talk about the good times xx

I’m dreading the funeral, hopefully I will make it through the dad without collapsing. Thank you for your kind words

Today has been very hard, I left my mum on her own overnight felt so bad about it but she wanted to see if she could stay in their flat on her own. She said she slept with the light on and got a few hours sleep. My heart is breaking as I live 50 miles away and I have to go back to work this week. Feel very nervous today and been very tearful.

ah hunny , i feel that totally your still grieving and its a long process, i had an okaay weekend only cried once but only because i was busy. your mum knows you care and she will be ok x

Hi. You must be kind to yourself and it was your mum wishes as she wanted to test how she would feel. I too live on my own now as me and my mum lived together so I like your mum sleep with light on and have the tv on for background noise . My sleep isn’t great but it’s all part of the grief process as gutting as it is. She knows you are there for her and only a call away if she or you want to chat. Is there any other close family or does she have any close friends? You are both going through the loss of someone you loved with all your heart and I know it hurts beyond words!!!. Please look after yourself and find comfort in each other. If things really do get too much then go to see yr gp maybe or maybe your mum could . But that’s all very personal to what’s best for each of you. Best wishes and love sent. Tray x

Thanks Tray, my mum has a friend next door who has been staying with her also my brother lives closer and he has offered to stay the night. My mum is in poor health and I’m so worried she might get ill. My dad used to take care of her. She is totally lost.

It’s good that the neighbour is able to help and your brother at least it is not all on your shoulders. Would your mum use a site like this? As maybe it might help her find some comfort. There is no magic wand for grief and all the pain and hurt it brings maybe it would be a good thing to go to her gp maybe you or your brother or neighbour could go with her. I understand that might be difficult for you with you living away and work but you and you mum needs all the support you can get esp as she is in poor health. I know how she feels in being totally lost as that is how I too can feel as I am on my own and it’s such a horrible place to be please tell her she is not alone in that feeling I know that doesn’t change anything but sometimes it can bea comfort to know you are not alone. It’s easy to feel so stressed and like your going mad as the littlest thing can seem so so big. Be there for each other as much as you can even if it’s just a phone call or card in the post it all helps. And look after yourself as much as you can. Grief takes a lot out of you. It’s just heartbreaking. Thinking of you and your mum. With love tray x

Hi Mellymo
10 days isnt very long. Its been 5 weeks since my Dad passed suddenly and I struggle everyday. Im crying most days too at least once a day. Lots of people have tried to give me advice but I guess we are all different and even tho you and i have both lost our Dads we wont feel the same because we are different and our Dads were different. When Im having an off day and crying I try to think of the daft things my Dad would say and do and it always brings a smile after the tears. Im not terribly religious but when I saw my Dad after he had passed he had a smile on his face like he knew something I didnt and I like to think he knew he was going to a special place…either that or he knew the punchline to a joke I didnt. Either way its that smile that takes me into the next day and being able to open up either talking to someone or now on here. Take your time…theres no magic spell I guess.
Ang xxx

thats strange dad my dad had a smile too x

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Angelapa I cry every day, I drop my girls at school come home and cry sometimes for 3 or 4 hours. The sadness is constant. I’m hoping in time I can look back and smile at my dads antics. He was a character that’s for sure.