48 days have passed since my dad died, I’m still in a state of shock, every day is a struggle to get up and get through. My mum has come to stay with me but she is still struggling. I think she is slipping into depression. I have a holiday next week - well two
Nights in a hotel which was booked ages ago. Not looking forward to it will force myself to go. My daughter tried on her new school uniform yesterday and we all cried as my dad would have been so proud of her. She did look lovely and he missed it.
Hello Mellymo, I lost my father in law very suddenly nearly 3 weeks ago. It has hit me very hard. I can’t function and cry all the time. I feel as if the last 3 weeks are a blur and sometimes I think it’s all a horrid dream. I’ve read all your posts and responses and it helps to know I’m not the only one. The shock is terrible I hope it does get easier or I won’t be able to carry on. People are full of it gets easier but every day I wake and shake and cry. We were going on holiday the next day and I still haven’t u n packed the cases! I have young children who are struggling g too. It’s just an awful awful time.
So sorry for your loss Amacon. There are no words which can ease your pain. I used to cry for four hours a day but now I cry just now and then when I need it. I went on holiday at the end of July and it was very hard but being busy helped. We didn’t have a relaxing time as I wanted to keep busy and occupied. I have a diary in which I write to my dad. I used to Skype message him every day. Remember you still have your father in law in your heart, he’ll always be your dad in law. It’s just your relationship has changed. I hope you can enjoy your holiday a bit. Mine was very up and down, but it was nice to get away. X
Thank you Mellymo, we had to cancel the holiday. It was the day after he died. Instead we had two weeks of limbo. No school no work just shock disbelief and sadness. I’m supposed to be back at work but I can’t function at all. Just shake and cry. Feel so useless and can’t see any light.
Just take little steps. Grieving is hard work but it can’t rain forever.
Hello everyone,
I just wanted to pop in and mention our new user’s post, if that’s ok:
Tabitha lost her dad two days ago and I’m sure many here can relate to those initial feelings of numbness and shock.
Thinking of you all,
Kate
Yesterday was two months since dad died, it was a very bad day indeed. Words cannot describe how lost I feel Without him. It’s like being trapped in a horror film that never ends. Spent most of the day in tears recalling the horror of the phone call from the police to tell me he’d gone.
I couldn’t go to work yesterday as felt unable to do anything. I’m sure work are fed up with me making mistakes and being miserable. I need to work to pay the bills so have to go. Hope everyone else is coping better than me at the moment.
Hi Mellymo,
I’m sorry that yesterday was a particularly hard day for you. I know you mentioned before that you felt a bit better at work as it was a distraction. Do you still find that it’s helping you?
Have you spoken to your manager about the situation? I’m sure they understand. Making mistakes when you are grieving is normal, our minds wander and it can be hard to concentrate.
I also noticed that getting out your house and doing normal things has helped. Do you think you could have a go doing these things again and see if it can help you feel a little better?
Take care,
Kate
Hi Kate
I think before I had my holiday I had something to focus on, now there is nothing. No dad to cheer me up with his words of wisdom. All I think is another day to get through. People are sympathetic up to a point, I’ve been very disappointed with some so called friends who haven’t bothered to even say ‘I’m sorry about your dad’ My manager is ok but I can sense they are thinking ‘just get over it’. I’m going to try and get out today. Dad loved being outside in the sunshine. He was always sitting in my garden when he came to visit. Even in winter he’d sit outside with a cup of tea. Thanks for your reply
Hi Mellymo,
Taking things day by day is important, and also having something you can focus on like you say. Even little things - is there something small you can look forward to? Such as spending the day outside in the sunshine today?
Being outside in nature can be very calming, just noticing the little things around us can help bring us to the present moment. Do you think that’s why your dad liked sitting outside?
I’m sorry some of your friends haven’t been as supportive as they should have been. Think about those who have been there for you, and spend your time and energy on them instead.
You mention that your dad had many wise words - you could perhaps put together a notebook of all your favourite things your dad said, his advice in tough times? Your dad can then help you cope when you’re having a tough day.
Take care,
Kate
Hi melly-mo,
Sorry to hear you are having a bad time I really feel for you I feel like a really struggling well not feel I am . I’m physically not very well at the min so feel straight exhausted and I’m on my own and have puppy Susie hope so I’m not coping well at all I feel so low and very vulnerable I lived with mum so we had each other one I have no one and it’s scary. I too feel like I’m in a horror film . Grief is exhausting in itself do u find that? You are doing well getting up for work I know you prolly don’t feel that but you are .i also like you think another day to get through its awfull isn’t it . I’m waiting for dr to hopefully ring me I fel that bad but I thought just send you a post just to let you know u r not alone in feeling what you do even if that’s helps a little I know grief in itself even if you have hundreds of people around u you can still feel the only one and it’s beyond words how painful it is. I had dream last night of mum calling too me and woke up thinking she here then reality kicks it and the pain is just heartbreaking I’m in pieces and feel like I’m going mad and the littlest thing can seem like a mountain and cry in a instant. I’m rambling. But thinking of you .
With love and hug sent. Tray xx
Just found this post again. Well I was doing ok after losing my dad last June then on Nov 19th we went to see my parents in law aged 72 and 75 and they were both dead in bed. All hell broke loose. Police thought they had been murdered then it went to murder suicide. Now they say it’s natural causes. Inquest is happening next month. My children were with me at the time and their grandparents had been dead for 3 weeks and no one noticed. They were supposed to have carers in but when my in laws didn’t answer the door the carers didn’t report it. Losing my dad is still the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I know that I’ll never experience true happiness again. My children are heartbroken. Life is very cruel. I hope that one day I might be able to get back to
Normal but I doubt it.
Oh Mellymo, I am sorry, that is terrible. It sounds as though it must be very hard to wait for the inquest for answers, after the police have suggested all those different possibilities.
I’m not sure how old your children are, but we have some advice on our website about supporting a child with bereavement and supporting a teenager or young person with bereavement, which might be helpful.
Thank you my children are 10 and 11, they didn’t see their dead bodies as I pushed them out of the room and went outside with them. They’d been dead for 3 weeks so it wasn’t a nice sight. Then a kind neighbour took us in. I am watching them closely but childRen seem to cope better with grief.