I’m sorry to burden other people with my issues but I lost my dad yesterday afternoon. He had two different cancers that had spread and he was given months to live in January. I travelled down to see mum and dad yesterday (I live 3 hours away) and it was to see him, hold his hand and he wanted to chat about finances and what we should do when he’s gone. He wasn’t a well man but still eating and drinking and talking, albeit he was in pain. I was downstairs yesterday with mum making scrambled eggs for him as he wanted them for his lunch, then we went upstairs and dad was struggling to breathe… we lost him within an hour. An ambulance cane to him although they were such a long time and mum and I had to witness 30 mins of torture for dad- screaming, yelping, gasping for breath and shouting ‘kill me off, just kill me.’ The ambulance crew settled him eventually and he drifted away peacefully in the end but he was staring at me with huge, desperate eyes when he took his last breaths. I don’t know how I can deal with this. It’s all I can see and it’s consuming me.
I’m so sorry for the long post…