Lost my estranged dad

In March my maternal grandad passed away which was so sad but he’d been so poorly, then 10 days later my dad died from cancer which was such a shock.

I grew up living with my aunt and for a while I was told he was my uncle. Then when I found out he was my dad my life was made hell. Like it was all my fault my parents didn’t want me. I stayed until I was 17 as my grandparents were amazing but it got to a point I couldn’t take anymore so I ran away and found my mum.

Turns out no one really knows the full story of how I came to stay with my aunt but I know it was more her doing than my parents. My dad syltill didn’t try hard enough though and I turned away from him.

Now I find myself randomly grieving for him. I can be fine for weeks and then like today I just can’t cope, the thing is everyone around me is like well it isn’t like he was a dad is it. But he was still my dad and I never denied that.

I think what makes it even harder is he didn’t live in the country and his wife had him cremated with no funeral so now I have no way at all to say goodbye

Hi Ryder, He was, and always will be, your dad - don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. They don’t know the circumstances that led to you being given up to be looked after by your aunt. They don’t know how many times your dad must have thought of you. Maybe your dad did want to get with you but he had so many problems in his life that made it difficult?

It is understandable that you are upset that you did not get to say goodbye, and that can make closure difficult. Maybe you can arrange your own goodbye - maybe you can get a photo of his, put it in a frame, wrap it in a cloth, and then go with someone who cares about you and bury it somewhere. It won’t be the same as being part of his funeral, or having a grave to visit, but at least you will have done your own goodbye.


Dear Ryder, I am so sorry for your loss. This article has been posted on here before if I remember correctly. It may be of help to you.


That’s a lovely idea thank you.

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Thanks for this I’ll give it a read.