In March my maternal grandad passed away which was so sad but he’d been so poorly, then 10 days later my dad died from cancer which was such a shock.
I grew up living with my aunt and for a while I was told he was my uncle. Then when I found out he was my dad my life was made hell. Like it was all my fault my parents didn’t want me. I stayed until I was 17 as my grandparents were amazing but it got to a point I couldn’t take anymore so I ran away and found my mum.
Turns out no one really knows the full story of how I came to stay with my aunt but I know it was more her doing than my parents. My dad syltill didn’t try hard enough though and I turned away from him.
Now I find myself randomly grieving for him. I can be fine for weeks and then like today I just can’t cope, the thing is everyone around me is like well it isn’t like he was a dad is it. But he was still my dad and I never denied that.
I think what makes it even harder is he didn’t live in the country and his wife had him cremated with no funeral so now I have no way at all to say goodbye