Hi Nikki, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost both parents and your father-in-law, and that your dad sexually abused you as a child. Even though you weren’t in touch with your dad, it is understandable that his death has affected you and brought up some old feelings, and the other two losses on top of this must have been overwhelming.
Here are some links to conversations between people who have lost both parents:
And here are some conversations where people discuss losing a parent they were estranged from - these are all a few months old now, but might still be useful to read:
And some recent and very active conversations between people who have lost their mums:
Please feel free to post a reply in those or any conversation, if you see someone you’d like to talk more to.
I hope that you’ve had the support that you need for the sexual abuse you went through, but if you need to talk to someone about this, NAPAC offers a telephone helpline and email support for adult survivors of childhood abuse: https://napac.org.uk/