The last couple of days all I have done is cry. Cry for the loss of Phil, my hubbie, my soul mate, best friend and my life. I cant see this getting any easier. Sorting out bills hasnt helped and I find myself crying more times during the day than what I did a couple of weeks ago. My boss has said, when I asked about doing a four day week, that she needed a full time secretary. Maybe when I get back to work it will be my salvation and maybe I will want to work full time but if not I will look for another job on part time hours or sell our house and buy a business on a lease until a retire at 66 which is so annoying as I have worked full time for the past forty four years so by the time I retire I will have worked full time for 50 years! I hate this life with a passion I just want Phil and only Phil. Please show me the way because I am so lost at the moment without you
Hi,I have just brought my husband home from Hospital to die.Hes fought cancer for 1 yr now but its so aggressive it comes back.
I cant believe this is happening and I have lost so much weight with worry .I look at him and try to talk to him but because the cancers going to his brain I can see his personality changing.
We had so many plans like you had and get so angry when I see people getting on with the lives happy holding hands and think you have no idea whats going on in my life.
We have been together since school days and just cant imagine him not hear.
Its so sad and unfair when there are so many bad people walking about .
A hug to you Sue
I am very sorry to read your very sad news.Its devastating for you to watch your husband and feel so helpless.
When I brought my husband home 5th January he had 15 tumours in his brain. They told us he had weeks to live.It was 10 days he died at home with me at his side.
The only thing that helped me through to the funeral was the fact he wasnāt suffering anymore. He couldnt speak to me st all and couldnt do anytime for himself in the last 5 days.
I cared for him better than they could in hospital because I was there at his side 24 hours a day. I would wheel the hospital bed over to the sofa so i could cuddle up to him.
All you can do is be there for him and try not think of afterwards.
I didnāt cope very well after the funeral. I have been on antidepressants for two weeks now and waiting to see a bereavement councillor.
The tablets do help.
My husband was my world and my life revolved around him.
I feel so cheated he was only 56 and didnāt even get a chance to fight.
Take all the help you can get and keep yourself busy. I bought two puppies 2 days after the funeral. They give me a reason to get up each day.
I wish I could take the pain away.I know exactly how you feel.
Take care of yourself.
Sharon x
Hi, Iāve just read your very sad message and Iām so sorry. I know exactly how you feel because I was there 7 months ago. My husbandās personality changed too and itās very very hard to see and deal with. You know why though you know thatās not really your husbandās true personality. If I can help in anyway I would say, Try and see beyond that, do and say exactly the same things you used to. Hold his hand and cuddle him and soothe him as much as possible. Keep telling him you are there by his side. Keep telling him as Iām sure you already are, how much you love him. If he is constantly asleep talk to him all the time, stroke his forehead and make soothing noises to him. Get him to squeeze your hand in any answer - I said " if you know how much I love you, squeeze my hand" and he did. Such a comfort to know that even though he could no longer communicate he could hear and respond. Your husband will also find it a great comfort too.
My heart goes out to you, because I know what you are going through. I hope you have a lot of support for yourself too, donāt forget you need to look after yourself too. Itās very very hard, life can be so incredibly cruel and unkind and we never know why. Try not to think about how many days you have left, just take each day as it comes. if you need to talk, please do get in touch. Viv.
Hi,Thank you for replying ,Did your husband know he was dying ā¦Im not sure about Bob because although they told us a few weeks ago chemo not working they offered him Radiotherapy .Until Mon it was still going ahead and thats what Bob thinks but heās going down hill and everything been cancelled.
I try sitting on the bed and talk but heās not interested and just smiles then surprises me with a question some time later in the day.
We have so much paperwork around the house regarding bank accounts its frighteningā¦Bob was a Bank Manager and fanatical about keeping everything.
Last Autumn he was in remission (but only for a month) and treated himself to a great big Range Rover .I suddenly remembered it was in his name and panicked . Today I phoned our son how to change it over to mine name and was shaking signing my name on the form.
How are you doing today ?I can imagine myself in a few weeks sat by myself sobbing for him and thinking I will never see him again its just to much
kind regards Sue
Iām thinking of you at this very difficult time. Itās heartbreaking. .sending you strength x
Hi Sue,
I donāt know is the honest answer. We never talked about it and he never gave me the impression he know but sometimes I think he did. I think they try and spare you as they know how much it will hurt you and they donāt like to think of that. We never really said goodbye even. It happened so quickly. You might find that Bob does know but he doesnāt want to say it aloud to you, Iām sure thatās what my Pete did. If thatās the case donāt force it. You donāt have to admit it to each other if itās just too painful. There are other ways of saying goodbye to each other without actually saying it out loud if you donāt want to. Talk about the fun times, the good times, the kids, make each other laugh again. Smiling is good. Just sit or lie with him, you donāt have to talk just be with him. Hold hands, cuddle, tease him a bit if you can find the strength to, speak to him as youāve always spoken to himā¦ try not to talk about sad things unless he wants to, he probably wants to act as if everything is ok and he just needs to get better. If thatās the case, go with it. Gauge how you should act by how he is acting. You donāt have to pour your heart out to him even if you want toā¦ It might be too painful for him. I know thatās what my Pete did. He waited until I had to leave the room to actually leave me, and I was devastated to begin with then the nurse explained to me he didnāt want me to see him take his last breath because he knew it would be too painful for me.
I can sense your panic in thinking of what needs to be done paperwork etc etcā¦ Donāt. Take a deep breath and think this can all waitā¦ None of this is important right now and I will be able to deal with it when I need to. Only deal with what is absolutely necessary right now. All the rest can wait. Deep breaths until you feel the panic dissipate and then focus solely on your husband and yourself and your family.
Donāt think about tomorrow, donāt think about the unbearable future, think only of nowā¦ This minute that youāre in, the next minute that youāre in etc etc and thatās all. Push everything else away, you donāt need to think about any of that now.
My thoughts are with you Sue, let me know how you are. Viv
My thoughts are with you all. My husband died recently and I am going through a nightmare but had to show my sympathy to you xxx
Oh Im so sorry it really is a nightmare cant believe its happening.My biggest worry at the moments if I care for him till the end.
My husband was diagnosed with cancer on Friday 16.2.17 and died 19.02.17.
He was 45 loved life, family, workā¦ he was part of a football youth association. .
We have four children .
I can pull off the Iām ok look for the children, friends and family but inside Iām brokenā¦
I need to work out how to live broken now for the children my husband and I love more than words.
Sorry for your loss ā¦ whatever the circumstances are love us the most powerful emotion and when you canāt express it anyone it leaves you empty.
Hi everyone.My husband just died and I am devastated .
Hi, I lost ny husband last week also 67.He had cancer for 1and half years and cared for him in and out of Hospital all that time.Like you I could go in kiss and cuddle him take favourite food etcThe stress on me was enormous and I have lost a lot of weight but I would do anything to have him back.I have so much paperwork to do its mine boggling and I walk about in a daze being guided along with our children and friends.
I dread the funeral next week and would to run away and come back to a normal life wth Bob,
kindest regards Sue
I am so very sorry for your loss. Its very difficult for you right now and will be up until the funeral amd a long time after.At my husbands funeral I didnāt even see who attended the church because i couldnāt look up. I know the church was packed out. He had the best send off i have seen. It made me very proud to have been his wife he was loved by many.
After the funeral 3rd feb when everyone went back to their lives it got very lonely and difficult for me to cope. I have never cried so much. I ended up going to my doctor and asking for antidepressants. I have been on them 3 weeks and they help me so much. I still have down days but the crying isnt as intense. I can focus a lot more on our memories together without my brain clouding . I just take each day at a time. I have no idea what to do in the future. My children and grandchildren live 300 miles away.I moved down south with Steve 13 years ago.He was my life I miss him with every breath.
I wish I could help you with your pain but there is nothing anyone can say or do to take the hurt away. I really do feel for you.
Take care of yourself and take all the help you can get.
Sharon x
I am so very sorry for your loss. Its very difficult for you right now and will be up until the funeral amd a long time after.At my husbands funeral I didnāt even see who attended the church because i couldnāt look up. I know the church was packed out. He had the best send off i have seen. It made me very proud to have been his wife he was loved by many.
After the funeral 3rd feb when everyone went back to their lives it got very lonely and difficult for me to cope. I have never cried so much. I ended up going to my doctor and asking for antidepressants. I have been on them 3 weeks and they help me so much. I still have down days but the crying isnt as intense. I can focus a lot more on our memories together without my brain clouding . I just take each day at a time. I have no idea what to do in the future. My children and grandchildren live 300 miles away.I moved down south with Steve 13 years ago.He was my life I miss him with every breath.
I wish I could help you with your pain but there is nothing anyone can say or do to take the hurt away. I really do feel for you.
Take care of yourself and take all the help you can get.
Sharon x
Hi everyone.iām new on this site and just finding my way around it.I hope this is a general reply because I can identify with so much of your stories.or at least bits and pieces out of them all. My heart broke when my darling of 28 years died in January this year.time seems to have stood still although everyone and everything carries on around me. I find myself getting resentful when people try and tell me it might be better to get back to work.or work will take my mind off things!!! I donāt want my mind to be off him.Dont get me wrong my family and friends have really stepped up to the mark and are very very supportive in every way.Just the odd one or two donāt know how to handle it. I cry every day for my darling and for what we had to go through.We must do what our hearts and bodies are telling us.Rest upā¦weāve been through the worst thing that can happen to usā¦ Eat when our bellies tell us to and let time carry us along until we find out what to do nextā¦because I really do not know what Iām gonna do next. Just now I rest a lot and walk a lot.take care and my heart really does go out to all of you.xxxxxx
I have already posted about my husband dying suddenly on 5th January after a long illness. Since the funeral on 25th January, (I felt I was in a big protective bubble until then) my mood has been very variable. Some days I cry and others I just feel flat and down. Sometimes I feel very vulnerable and lonely and the strangest things can start me crying. Other times, normally at the end of the day I am ok. I tell people that my emotions have a life of their own. I have been taking Sertraline, which treats anxiety and depression, for about a year. It has helped a lot, and I have had no side effects. I have NEVER taken anything like them before as I am a coper. I have a lot of friends and a great family including a daughter I adore. But my husband was my best mate, my confidante, my supporter and champion and I miss him more than words can say.
My love and thoughts go out to all those who are grieving. Grief is the price of love, I know. It has struck me that this common experience has a very special feeling of isolation for all of us as we go through it. Seeing others whose lives seem to be normal I can think that was once me. A friend who was widowed over two years ago after nursing her husband through cancer at home says she knows happiness is behind her but she is content. I wish that for all of you and for me, but have no idea when I will get there, if at all.
Thank you for replying.So many people on hear who have lost the love of there lives.So many people say sorry and I use to say it to people also who have loved there husband never thinking how they feel.
Our daughter staying with me from America but after the funeral will go home and I dread it.
The pains unbearable and I can see Bobs face all the time taking his last breathe.I dread the funeral thinking heās in that coffin and it will probably be in a daze.
Thank you Sue
I donāt like to think of the future.not just now.tomorrow is far enough for me.I lost my darling on jan8 after 11years with cancer.I can say hand on heart that he never once moaned or felt sorry for himself.i am so proud of my strong,brave and selfless man .I didnt think things like that happened to people like us.thanx for your reply and thinking of you with a heavy heart.xx
I dreaded my husbandās funeral and cried a lot. The Chapel was heaving; he was a lovely man and it did give me some comfort that others thought that too. I spoke at the wake, with a microphone, about what a wonderful husband he had been. I knew I could not have done it at the funeral itself. In the days after he died, I think he was showing me he was still with me. A few things happened that had no logical explanation. I am not a Christian, but do now believe that I will see him again. Sue and all the others who are in our position - I can feel the pain you are feeling. I know it will get better, but I also know that is of little comfort now. With love Linda x
Thank you for replying.Its funny but one day last week perhaps 2 days after he died I woke up smiling.I walked into my daughters bedroom and said dads happy I couldnāt explain to her but I had a feeling.A few weeks before Bob died I coudnt find my glasses and I got it into my head if I found them Bob would be ok and get better.I turned the house and car upside down but couldnāt find them.The day I said to our daughter dads happy she was sat having breakfast at the table and on the table were my glasses she had found them down the side of a chair.