I lost my hubby 2 weeks ago,he was very poorly in the last few weeks,and I have moments when I think oh I must tell Jim that,then I suddenly remember he’s not there for me to tell,and once again the tears flow,I dread meeting people,I dread his funeral on Friday as he was a very popular man in our town,I’m not sure how I will cope,and I’m not sure if I will cope,I wake in tears most days,this is just a living hell.
Hi Ginnybailey65 I am so sorry for your loss. These are all natural feelings. You’ve had someone taken away from you who you love very much. My hubbie died in January and I still think I need to tell him something or has he texted me but that will always be the way. You will get through the funeral but you will do it for your husband. Your life has changed forever. Please don’t be hard on yourself this is a path you haven’t chosen, didn’t want and absolutely hate it. You want to scream and shout and say stop messing around now joke over but it doesn’t happen. Read the contributions on here and you will see you are not alone. Some weeks I’m OK other weeks like the week before last I couldn’t stop crying all week, in work at home anywhere. I think about Phil every minute of every day. Our son texted me to say he wanted to get hid dad a card for fathers day like he’s always done and put it in ours and would I mind. I told him of course I wouldn’t because his dad was here. I haven’t been able to read the condolences book or cards because I’d be crying for a week. When I’m ready I will. It will also be something for the grandkids to look at when there older because they miss him and cry at family events because he’s not there x that is a testament to how Phil was. Big hugs. If you ever want to pm me please do. I work during the day but I will always get back to you. Cry when you want to sleep when you want to. Do what’s right for you xx
So sorry for everyone who has had to join this horrible club.First time I have posted anything to this site.My darling husband and I managed to get to our 50 th anniversary last year before he was felled by a massive stroke on the 14 Dec Never spoke to him again and he passed away on the 29 March this year after terrible 4 months of hoping he would be coming home.Never felt such despair and loneliness, grief and constant crying.Just wanted to say that you have to try to take little steps and accept that life will never be the same,just so hard.take care everyone and we are all thinking of each other.
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Hrmountable,ello Gilly, I’m so sorry about your loss and your awful despair. You are so early in the process of grieving the pain is so raw. My husband died in July last year at only 59. He had never seen a doctor in his whole life and never had a day off sick. The shock of him dying so suddenly from an aneurysm has left me in shock, He was my best friend and soulmate. I’m not sure how you’re supposed to suddenly start a new life. Ican’t talk to anyone about him I don’t even allow myself to think about him as the sadness becomes overwhelming.
I work about 60 hours a week and go home and start again, just to fill every minute My brother who lost his son 7 years ago told me in answer to my question " When do you start to feel better?" it doesn’t get better you just start to learn to live with it. I’m still waiting for that day to come
Hi Bluemoon
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and the pain your going through.
I lost my husband 7 weeks ago today. I’m heartbroken. He just turned 58 in April, he also never visited the doctors, never had time off work.
He passed away suddenly with a blood clot in his heart. Steve was my best friend, my soulmate. I am still in total shock, we had so many plans for our future.
We had just returned home from a lovely holiday in Spain together on 5th May. We went to the city match together on the Saturday, City beat palace 5. Nil, Steve was over the moon. We went out with friends Saturday evening, we both had a lovely time.
Steve passed away in the early hours of the Sunday morning. I found him on the floor. I just feel so incredibly lost without him.
We worked, lived and socialised together. The grief is so overwhelming.
It is truly heartbreaking to see so many lovely people in so much pain. I never ever imagined losing the love of my life.
I spend most of my days in bed I just can’t face anything outside these four walls.
He was the kindest man I have ever met, life just feels worthless without him.
Take care.
My husband died nearly six months ago after being very ill for just over a year. He had started to be ill with a neurological disorder 25 years ago. In a way the illness prepared me for what was to come, although I thought he would be with me a while longer. So I can’t speak as someone whose partner died suddenly and without warning. What I can say is that things do get easier and the best remedy is to keep busy. Of course eventually you have to accept that you are alone regardless of how many friends you have and how good your family is, but being with others and finding new meaning in your life is essential and will come at some point.
The way I am coping is to make myself do things, however difficult it is and I have done that from the start. It has been physically painful to move forward. My stomach is where I have felt it, but recently it has not been as painful, physically or emotionally. You must talk to those you trust, but be aware that not everybody wants to talk about it, however much they love you. People who care about you often just want you to be back to normal, and it is pointless expecting conversations with those people about your grief. I am having counselling with Cruse, and can say anything to the counsellor including things about my relationship with my husband, which I could not even share with my closest friends.
It is dawning on me that I can go one of two ways. The first is to retreat from the world. At first I had to grasp the mattress to drag myself out of bed. The second is to tackle what seems insurmountable. Fortunately for me, I have always known how to manage my finances, drive anywhere (my husband stopped driving in 1999 because of his illness) including abroad, and do simple diy jobs in the house. So now I am also doing things I could never do when we were together including travelling, changing the house so it is the way I want it, making new friends, starting a course of study and doing voluntary work. Don’t get me wrong - I would go back to my old life with him in a heartbeat, even though it was hard sometimes. But that isn’t an option so I have to move on.
I am dreading the first anniversaries, although I recognise that my responses are within my gift to alter. I accept that the unexpected comes at you all the time and it hurts but even that becomes manageable. Today I was by the sea with my niece and her family. I thought about the many times my husband and I had done the same thing, had a meal, gone for a walk etc But it didn’t hurt as much as it has done in the past because I have done it before, since he died and each time it gets a bit easier.
I don’t kid myself. I miss him dreadfully and I am still not very good at being alone. We did nearly everything together, as we both retired early. I am 67 and he was 67 when he died. But I am determined to live life to the full. I know he would not have wanted me to mourn for the rest of my life. He was a kind and generous man (not a saint, however!) and I know he would want the best for me. We loved each other very much but nature was unkind and whisked him away. I am gritting my teeth and getting on with life.
My heart goes out to those of you who are newly bereaved, or still finding it hard to move on. It will get better, I promise you, but working through grief is very very painful.
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Hi SGC
Thank you for your kind words.
I lost my mum 5 years ago of cancer. Although she was being treated for a slipped disc in her back,The cancer was never diagnosed. The postmortem concluded it was very aggressive.
My mums death was such a shock, she had so many visits to the doctors with back pain. The diagnosed a slipped disc Were
were very angry as a family that she was so badly misdiagnosed, my mum was 72. .
Steve helped me through my grieving, he was always there to listen. We would get in the car every weekend, he would drive me to all different places to keep me occupied.
Now that Steve has died so suddenly, he isn’t here to comfort me,
The grief for Steve is different from when my mum died. don’t get me wrong I love my mother and was crushed for over a year.
But loosing Steve has hit me like a bolt of lightning. He was my husband the person you expect to spend the rest of your life with. I feel like half of me died with him.
I’m holding onto what you said, uh that things will easier in time.
Sorry for your loss
Take care x
Hi Colleen , My Wife Janice, who passed away in December, was a Spiritualist medium, I totally believe in spiritualism, I talk to her all the time, I know she is around me, but sometimes, when I ask her to help me, I don’t always get a response, I have been to the Spiritualist church and have so far had one message from her.
So, I understand exactly how you feel, I can’t bring myself to part with any of my wife’s things. We have Daughters and a son, but only a Daughter close by with the two Grandaughters, I don’t seem them for weeks on end, and when she does ask me how I am or how I am feeling, I tell her exactly how I feel, all she says is " You have got to snap out of this " Grief is not something that you can just snap out of, people have grieving differently. I just feel so isolated as there is no one else I can talk to.
I am frightened to go out, as I hate coming back to the silence and emptiness.
This is a very hard road that we are having to go down. I hope your family are more supportive than mine.
I just wish, that now my wife is in spirit, that she could give me all the answers
Take care Colleen
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My husband died five weeks today. Suddenly in bed. I am devastated and cannot believe it has happened. Don’t know how I will go on without him. I love hi so much. I wish we all lived near each other to talk and share feelings face to face. Feel really really sad
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Hello Lynne
Yes it’s a club we all belong to but no one wants to be in. Your grief is extremely raw and at the moment you can’t see anything except pain and utter devastation. You cannot imagine a life without him in it as basically what is the point? And more to the point it’s a life you don’t want. That’s all normal Lynne. Of course you’re going to feel this way as you’ve just lost the love of your life. I was there Lynne, I felt that way a year ago. My husband died on the 16th July, we didn’t quite make it to September to our 30th anniversary. I was utterly, utterly bereft… in fact I didn’t want to live. But I knew for my family’s sake I had to. I could not inflict such pain on them. So, a year later and I am sad, I cry, I still don’t sleep well, but I also can go out for the day or the evening and not dread coming home to an empty house. If it’s going to be dark I make sure my timer light is on… if I’m at home during the day then I turn on the radio or tv for background noise… silence is a killer… don’t do it. Your grief is your very own grief and you have to do what is right for you. Don’t listen to people who tell you, you will get over it or come to terms with it, because it won’t ever happen but you will very very gradually find a way through it. I was told to get through one day at a time, and that’s how I still live my life, day by day and on particularly bad days, hour by hour. I would recommend you talk to a grief councillor as mine has helped me a lot. She said don’t be afraid to feel the pain… don’t shut it off or pretend that it doesn’t hurt like hell, but feel it. It’s all part of the healing process. And so I don’t shut it out, I do feel it…Tears are cathartic remember so don’t be afraid of them. Going through this , You have to take special care of yourself Lynne because the grief process is extremely draining and that’s when you’ll be more susceptible to illnesses yourself so eating little but good nutritious food is vital. You have to treat yourself as you would your best friend, until you see that tiny tiny speck of light starting to appear at the end of the tunnel, which I promise you, it will. I could see nothing but total blackness and despair and never believed there would be any light again but I can enjoy things again now, meeting friends, shopping with my sister etc., little things that can make you happy again for a while… do what is right for you, because any way you take to deal with what is probably the worst feeling in the world, is ok.
I miss my husband every single minute of every single day still, I write to him every day in a journal that I keep by my bedside and I talk to him. That way I still feel close to him and know he’s with me watching over me. Yours will be too Lynne. My heart goes out to you because I know exactly what you are feeling right now, as we all do in this club, but hang on in there day by day and remember you are not alone. Viv x
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SK and all the others just found this page like yourself my fiance passed away with a brain tumour he was diagnosed on 18th of February 2017 he passed 22nd of March 2017 he was 54 fit healthy nothing wrong thought he was having a stroke took him to hospital they diagnosed the brain tumour stupidly I sat there thinking ok we can fix this and then they tell us that he has just months to live 32 days later he fell asleep and never woke up again . For the first 10 weeks I just couldn’t believe it happened didn’t eat much the little sleep I did get slept was on the sofa couldn’t face going our bed couldn’t speak to people other than close family just kept looking at his picture thinking has that really happened or what the hell happened
… now 5 months on I found myself struggling to want to open up to friends and family about how hard this because I don’t want to upset them .we worked together for 20 years on the same shift we spent every day together we were the best friends,had a good life , we should have been married on the 15th of April 2017 myself his two daughters his granddaughter my son my daughter went on to Great Yarmouth Pier let off balloons and drank champagne he loved Holidaying in Great Yarmouth …I find keeping busy helps during the day I struggle with when people say are you ok because you don’t want to upset them . I try every day to live to Stu’s motto which was from Shawshank Redemption get busy living… in my bedroom on the mirrored wardrobes I’ve written a note to myself which states start living the life you were supposed to share together and make him proud …some days it works some days it doesn’t but as my WhatsApp group to his daughters is called " one day at a time "and that’s all you can do because they would be cross if you did something stupid and cross if you completly wasted your life on grief and not started to live life … I know Stu would be he loved life … but it is so hard at times We have had recently the birth of his second granddaughter the wedding of my son and I’ve just found out that I’m going to be a real grandmother (although I am step Grandma )for the first time all of this is wonderful stuff it does make it harder for the fact that he was so looking forward to having a new granddaughter and to be at my son’s wedding and he would have loved the news that I was to be a grandmother myself and I know these should be all times to celebrate but I want him here to celebrate with him I know / hope this is going to get easier and it will for us all … but it’s flipping hard I miss him so much… I don’t cry as much during the day I find night times are the worst and Loneliest … sure you’ve all been there . but i have likened this Grief to sitting by the sea it can be very calm and your doing ok and then from knowhere a great big wave can come and hit you and it doesn’t matter where you are …