I know how you feel i lost my lovely wife von in december 2025 41.5 years married &50yrs together unfortunately when von was 3months pregnant twice she had both ectopic pregnancy so we didn’t have children but not only the best wife but also the best auntie it’s so hard von not being here i now volunteer driver for the local hospital in Coventry it gets me out of the house i go to the crematorium every Monday @ 3pm von died on a Monday & we got married @ 3pm & vons funeral was 3pm all the best take care
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I’m sorry, i know it hurts like crazy.
I think he did visit you last night, checked on you, he’ll always be with you 
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Hi
I survived another day yesterday but with a brain fog
I continued my kitchen cleaning, decluttering and hoovering the cobwebs. Until now I have not finished cleaning the kitchen cupboards. Its now Day 4 of this cleaning, I am too slow.
I used my husbands winter jumper yesterday as I was cold and I stared on his jackets and his favourite one which remains unwashed. I needed to change the humidifier in that cloakroom and took the old one and went to the kitchen to continue my cleaning. I found 2 x corncobs inside my microwave which I think I heated 2 nights ago. Then completely forgot what I needed to do as I remember I need something in the kitchen. I retraced my steps back to remember what I needed. So went back to the cloakroom and realised I needed a new humidifier. I went back to the kitchen and found the humidifier on the work top and hanged it inside the cloakroom. This is not my normal. My memory is always sharp but this time I cant explain it.
I did a quick laundry for my cleaning clothes, the weather was breezy and sunny- well until around 4pm when the clouds started to darken and the rain poured.
At 1145 am I rushed driving to attend my booked hairdresser appointment. I also took 2 sets of my husbands DIY framed spearheads. We did the design of the neolithic spearheads together but the frame needed changing as this was long overdue . I parked my car on the street and walked 5 minutes to the hair salon. My husband normally cuts my hair and we do this in the garden- just a straightforward straight cut and to remove the split ends and he cuts my fringe as well. Yesterday was my first haircut with a real hairdresser since Covid Lock down. After my haircut I went back to my car and realised that my front passenger car window was rolled down. How can I forget closing the car window? I normally check everything but yesterday I can not remember nor explain it. Lucky all was well wih my car as I got my hair cut in a small town- more like a military town. If I have done this in London, well who knows what will happen.
I went to the framers after and sorted the design and 2 new special glass frame. This will be ready to collect on Oct 27.
I went o to do a quick shopping, bought 2 x china blue paint, dog chewies and a new squicky dog ball. One of my dogs loved his ball since he was a pup, he is now 8 1/2 years old and nothing has changed on his character since he was a pup.
I went home after, collected my hanged laundry of cleaning clothes. I removed 2 of my giant sunflowers. My husband and I planted this sunflowers from seeds earlier this year and went so tall- as it reached our main bedroom window upstairs. I saved the flowers and drying it up to collect the seeds. I will plant this next year.
My furry pets seemed happy yesterday, played with my furry pets for an hour in the garden, changed the garden ring camera and got tired and slept for 4 hours. Woke up at 7:45 pm as I was hungry. I realised I only ate 2 x boiled eggs in the morning, a very small side portion of my home made pickled tomatoes at 4pm. So cooked a whole chicken in the oven and asked Amazon Alexa for the timer. Once cooked it does not appear too appetizing although it was pre seasoned, however it did taste nice but too much for me, I cried as no one was there to eat with me. So I fed the dogs with the remaining chicken.
I could not sleep last night as I decided not to take my sleeping tablet. I took a selfie photo of my new haircut and sent it to my siblings in New Zealand. My siblings have been very supported, they came over for 2 weeks and left last September 25. My husband would normally say “you look lovely with a little naughty smiling smirk” That was his character- he was very kind and he was a retired nurse. I slept from 3 am to 7 am. I will need lots of coffee today.
Today, I will finish cleaning the remaining 2 kitchen cupboards. And I will start decluttering the main bedroom. Well thats my plan and I will see how my day goes by today. I probably will need 4 cups of coffee today to help with my brain fog.
Thank you everyone. Every advise and kind words mean a lot to me.
I am crying again whilst writing this……
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Dear RaEun you seem to be doing a lot of cleaning for someone sleeping so badly. I spent the first month cleaning too and walking. I think it helped me being active and the house was in a bad way after two years with my wife being ill everything else was of little importance. I also wanted to eliminate anything that reminded me of her illness. I hope you managed to sleep better soon
Thinking of you and sending hugs
Wishing you all the best Tom
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Hi RaEun, i am also sorting out the house, packing items in boxes, going to the recycling centre, cleaning. I try to do an hour or two per day, that is all i can manage. Some hours are better than others, some days better than others, keep going
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@RaEun I’m exhausted just reading this! You are an inspiration indeed! 
Cindy
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@RaEun I’m sorry that the day was so difficult. The Brain fog is very real 
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Beautiful 
place Tracey wishing you all the best Tom
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Hi and sorry for your loss, the memory problems are common in early loss. I couldn’t remember conversations I had with people and was constantly losing things. I had a notebook where I tried to keep track of things. I didn’t sleep well and had terrible anxiety which still persists. The brain fog does get better but the grief stays. I didn’t do much cleaning as I could barely motivate myself to dress or shower.
My partner died suddenly a year ago, his anniversary was last Saturday. On the run up to it I felt I had regressed back to the early months. I was doing silly things like leaving my key in the door all night, forgetting to take the bins down, not locking the garden gate and the worst was taking my friends handbag by mistake. We were in her car and she’d driven off, she didn’t realise until she stopped at a shop. Thankfully she came straight back. My anxiety levels are through the roof but I m hoping that I settle down again.
Grief is the most horrible emotion, it strips away your previous life and plunges you into a nightmare you can’t wake up from. What you’re feeling is normal and hopefully the coming months will give you a little respite.. Take care.
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@Lightmary68 Good morning Lucy! Hope you have a better day today Cindy
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Hi Everyone
Thank you for your advises.
I felt very low since I got the call from the funeral director last week, informing me that my late husband cremation is scheduled this Friday.
I had a horrible weekend as well.
Saturday- Oct 3, I roasted the chicken drumstick for my dogs for 1 hour as normal, put it out after to cool and when it was feeding time, I realised it was half cooked, and managed to figure it out that I got it straight from my chest freezer, so it ended up in the bin and fed the dogs with burgers and sausages mixed with their dry food.
Sunday Oct 4, I got locked out of my house. I was clearing my garage and putting everyting in my car, locked the house, inside garage door, and put the latch on my outside garage door as normal, went to my car, looked for my phone and realised I left my bag in the garage with the house keys, purse and phone.I only got my car keys. Tried to figure out how to get in the house but failed, so I knocked on my neighbour at 0800 am and asked for help. My neighbour called an emergency locksmith and the locksmith came within an hour, drilled my outside garage door and fixed it and put in a new high security lock.
My sister called and I told her what happened
I reflected on this particular event and hypothesized, perhaps this is more than grief. So self referred myself to talking therapy online.
Monday Oct 5- my auto immune inflammatory arthritis flared up, my fingers were like sausages, it was a timing that on this day I got a pre booked appointment to see my Rheumatologist who changed my oral drugs to injectables and I got an high dose injectable steroid on this day. I was hoping this steroid will make me hyperactive but it was the opposite, I slept instead.
Today- Oct 6, I received a call from talking therapist, I was assessed for 1 hour and was diagnosed having PTSD, moderate depression and mild anxiety. She will arranged a cognitive behavioural therapy in the next 2 weeks, a 1:1 face to face session for me to learn new coping skills to manage flashbacks and mental lapses.
Today I also started replying and talking to my close friends. I was not able to do this previously without constantly crying.
I managed to cut the grass today, removed my dried tomatoe plants. I got loads of house clearing and gardening to do still but I will get there.
Tomorrow- Oct 7, I have a booked telephone appointment with my doctor.
Friday Oct 9- cremation
I got a lot of paperwork to do next week
I am trying to be ok but I am not ok
I have a lot of mixed emotions, hopelessness, emptiness, flashbacks and mental lapses but I will try to be Brave.
It is now 2216 pm, I know I will not be sleeping but I will try to be productive.
Thank you everyone 
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Dear RaEun I am so sorry you are suffering so much. It’s terrible that you have so many things going on at the same time. I hope and pray you find the strength you need this week.
Thinking of you and sending hugs
Wishing you all the best Tom
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@RaEun Hi! I missed this post. You have a lot on your plate right now, and the mishaps you are having sound familiar!
I am glad you are getting counseling and talking to friends again, and I hope talking to the doctor today helped. Will be thinking of you on the 9th
Cindy
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Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me
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Hi I lost my husband 4 weeks ago and the funeral is tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m gonna get through it but i know I have to. I’m constanly in tears and I feel very panicky all the time. I miss him so much and am struggling to believe he’s really gone
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I’m so sorry for your loss marmy56, tomorrow is going to hard but you will get through it i promise you . Your like me in the very early days of grief, I lost my husband in july, and it’s a struggle some days to get out of bed but somehow we do. Take one day at a time that’s all any of us are able to do. Have you family and friends to help you. I don’t really have family so just keep talking on here it will help you can say exactly how your feeling because we all feel it. Do what you need to do when you feel you can there is no timeline. There are a lot of lovely people on here to talk to we all help each other as much as we can, you can write anything you want and someone will answer. Sending g you hugs 
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Hi Marmy56
I am so sorry for your loss and having lost my wife after 48 years of marriage in December 2024 know what a devastating loss it is.
My wife and I were partners, best friends and soulmates. I firmly believe a soulmate will never leave you. I don’t know if you have noticed this but in the run up to her funeral little things just slotted neatly into place. I felt she was with me throughout and still is. At the funeral she was beside me giving me the strength to see it all through. Like you I was dreading her funeral but when I got home I realised the day had been perfect and I had been given strength just when it was needed.
I’m sure there’s more to life than this earthly existence and there are amazing things we don’t understand. Look for little signs that show he is helping you and, even if it’s only for the day of the funeral, believe that he will be there for you.
Look after yourself.
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Oh thank you that is such a comfort to hear those words and to know there are people who’ve been through this and are willing to share there experiences with other’s. I will look for him tomorrow and do my very best to make him proud
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Thank you so much for your kind words and hugs it’s lovely to be able to talk to people who have felt this loss. I am very lucky to I do have family near me and they are so supportive. When I write to my husband which I do most days I tell him how special our girls are and how they are so like him .
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