Hi Leo,
It’s so hard isn’t it, I’m so sorry for your loss aswell.
We were also married 30 years, I met him at 17 he was 22 , I’m struggling without him.
Have you got family around you, I’ve got one daughter at home and two daughters living with partners.
It hasn’t got any easier since November, I still can’t believe it, it doesn’t seem real.
My daughter is struggling she was so close to her dad it’s so heartbreaking to she her in such a state.
Thinking of you x
I have a 22 year old daughter at home and a 23 year old son who lives 2hours way because of his work.
Yeah it is all very surreal just now. Cant believe he won’t be coming though the door. Cant touch any of his things and have still not unpacked his bag from the hospice.
[edited by moderator to remove personal details]
We lost 2 children and they were caught up in the ashes scandal in Edinburgh at the crematorium.
Love you to and your family xxx
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I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s awful so sad. My heart goes out to you.
I’m not on fb.
I also had a stillborn daughter, what have we done to deserve all this.
Sending love
Steph xx
Dear All
I don’t come on here very often now
I did in the beginning back in the summer of 2018 when I lost my husband to a sudden cardiac arrest . He was 60 and I was 58 . He got up to go to work , collapsed and in spite of CPR, paramedics, air ambulance doctors , stents and ITU , died 3 days later , never having regained consciousness.
The shock is tremendous
You will keep going for yourselves and your children and elderly parents and pets and any other responsibilities you have , because you have no choice . But it is hard . Very hard
This year , 18 months after losing him , I have started more intense therapy with my bereavement counsellor because of flashbacks . Like someone said in one of the posts we can be suffering with some sort of PTSD. The eye movement therapy and tapping have helped to settle the memories of that shocking morning but it is hard work and emotionally draining reliving it in detail again but worth it to try to get rid of shocking , intrusive thoughts . I wouldn’t say I just have good memories of my husband now though because I yearn for him everyday . I don’t just want him back I feel like I physically need him back to be able to function as a whole person . Part of me has gone missing and it’s hard .
My post is not helpful I’m sorry but it seems you have to get deep with grief because you cannot run away from it by keeping busy , thinking things through or whatever other stuff keeps you going . Believe me I have tried . No you cannot get rid of it . You have to feel it and then feel it again and then again until it starts to loosen its grip on you . Do everything you can to take care of yourself . It is a rollercoaster ride . Get help from those who love you so you can keep going and be there for your children . It is tough but you will do it and other people on this forum will help and support you because they understand your pain . Wishing you well . Weekends can be very difficult I know and sending big hugs to everyone . Keep going . It’s what our husbands would want us to do
Romy xxxxx
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Hi Romy,
Thank you for your post. Our stories seem almost the same, my husband had a cardiac arrest at work, cpr, stents, icu and died 3 days later, they had to turn off the machines , I laid next to him while he slipped away, it was the worst moment of my life.
I’m still in shock, can’t sleep can’t eat lost so much weight, but got to keep strong for my daughters.
I do see what you mean about you can’t run away from grief by keeping busy, that’s exactly what I try to do but you have to stop at some point and it hits you hard again. The feelings are so overwhelming sometimes you just hope you don’t wake up . I hope it does in time loosen its grip but I know it will never feel normal again.
Weekends are the hardest especially sundays, but will try to keep strong.
Thank you so much for your words and thoughts and experience of how it has been for you…
Sending love
Steph xx
Hi romy
What you wrote is so true it will be 2 years in may I lost James so sudden to a heart attack. It happened right in front of me. I feel I have lost a limb I’m not the same person any more. I keep going for my boy’s but as you say it’s so hard.
Take care of yourself
Christine x
always so very hard when we lose a loved one and we have to adjust to a new life, I joined the Way Up widow group all over the country along with JDs widow group and such a support of friendship and understanding, going on holidays, coffee meetups, day trips, cinema some find it hard at the start but you can dip and out whenever you feel like once you’ve joined up. Take care. x
Hi Romy so good to hear from you again. We have been travelling this road for nearly the same length of time so I thank you for coming back on the forum again.
Your post is most helpful as well as interesting. Yes we yearn for our loved ones. I call out Brian’s name, I want answers as to why he left me. Acceptance is hard although I sometimes feel I am getting there.
You make sense when you say we have to feel the grief and I will accept this and hope it will release it’s hard grip on me one day.
Take care
Pat xx
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Hi stephtim,
I hope you have wonderful memories of him. I can relate to you as I have lost my partner to cancer. She was only 36. Cannot believe it was just four months back. Let me know if you want anything or want to catch up on a message. Let me know. Kinh
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Hi kinh1982,
Thank you for your message, I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you, 36 is no age, life is so very cruel.
I do have lots of lovely memories of my husband, he’s on my mind every minute of every day.
Stay strong, thinking of you.
Steph xx
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Hi
Im new to this forum and having been reading various posts but your messages here have beenn of some comfort and understanding.
My husband died of a heart attack at 4am on friday last week at the age of 57. My oldest son luckily was home and we tried to resustitate him (got the local defibrilator and did CPR) , the paramedics then took over and took him to hospital but he never regained consciousnes and they could not do anything.
I rationally knew that sudden death happens to people (i am a nurse!) and we dont all fall asleep in our 80’s but it felt like i was the only one this happened too and was feeling these awful emotions until i read all your messages. I curiously go from doing normal things (even tescos to get food) and then just sobbing until i think i cant stop over a tiny thing. So wish i could turn back time.
Thinking of you all at this horrible time. I would not want any one to go through this but it helps to know i am not alone in these crazy mixed up feelings
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Hi juliak1,
So sorry for your loss of your husband, it’s so early days for you,.
The early days for me were total shock and feeling numb and like everything was in slow motion.
I know what you mean about doing things and then crumbling and crying and wanting to scream.
You are not alone, that’s exactly how I felt, but coming on here does help, as everyone knows exactly how you are feeling because you do feel like you’re the only one in the world.
Keep posting, we can keep each other strong.
Love to you and your family.
Steph xx
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It’s not the same anymore.
One minute I think I can do this, I can be strong for my daughters and grandchildren, then I’m hit with that pain and fear inside and think I can’t do this anymore, how can I live without Tim in my life.
He was my whole world, so much to live for , so many plans, I don’t want to be an old woman sat in a chair on my own, that wasn’t my plan, it was enjoying our time together now the children have grown up .
I feel guilty for feeling like this, like my children and grandchildren aren’t enough ,I love them all so much, but the special love for your partner and the love you get back can never be replaced.
Thirty years married, the only life I know, I don’t want this new life but I know what else can I do, got
to get on with it .
All I’ve got left is his ashes in a box here with me that I kiss and talk to. After 30 years just a box.
Feeling heartbroken, sad and low .
Sorry for rambling.
Steph x
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Hi Stephtim
im so sorry for your loss too. Life is so *** . We were married for thirty years too, with grown up children. i thought we had many more happy memories to build together of grandchildren, and travels and adventures before growing old together. I dont want a different plan but it seems to be here, since this happened, howevere, i have been surprised as how many people under retirement age experience the loss of a partner.
I feel something is wrong with me when i can talk about him as though he is just next door or at work, Should i just be hiding under the duvet or sobbing all day?? I need to support my son’s though (they may be grown up but it is still too young to loose a father and his grandfather is also devastated - his youngest child should not have gone before him. Non of us can really process this (will we ever?) and we just try to get through each day together. now its me who is rambling. I hope you find comfort and a way through Steph
Beast wishes
Julia
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Hi Julia,
Thank you for your message. You’re right there does seem to be so many people losing their partners too young, life is definitely far too short and we take it for granted and think that nothing like that would ever happen to us.
Our husbands would hate to see us suffering and so upset but it’s because we love them so much and that sudden loss is so hard and cruel. I know what you mean about talking like he’s still at work or something, I feel like that , grief is different for everyone and changes all the time, I want to hide up under my duvet in a ball but to try to be strong for everyone else .
People say that’s the best way to go but I know my husband would want to tell me and kids how much he loves us, I know he would not want to go like that .
I feel for you and your son’s and it’s so hard to see them hurting and for your husbands dad to lose his son is heartbreaking.
Thinking of you and your family.
Steph x
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Hi everyone
My husband died of a cardiac arrest at the age of 54 we were away on holiday, and it still seems like a dream it’s over 8 months now and I’ve been down this long winding road with lots of avenues to detour off,? But I’m not sure which one to take as making decisions is hopeless my brain just seems to have not being able to think more than the day you are in, the future is a very scary place as I’ve never been on my own , life has to go on but !! It’s knowing which path/ avenue to take that’s what’s scary, I’m going out this evening for the first time since Chris passed away and again thinking should I do this , I know Chris would be saying go enjoy yourself but I won’t know anyone and it will be very strange being on my own, just going out on my own, as we just did everything together and that’s the painful part, part of my doesn’t won’t to go another part is saying go, sorry every time I post something I always ramble on. Sorry
Hi Anny
My husband died after a cardiac arrest
He was 60
First time I went out to an evening do without him I was ok when I was out but cried non stop for two hours when I got home
It is hard work and scary but you have to do it
Sending you big hugs and wishing you good luck tonight
Romy xxxxx
Dear Anny, it’s so difficult isn’t it? This road we have to travel. We used to be a part of a couple but actually aren’t we still part of a couple? I know I am. I’m sure you are too. You go and enjoy yourself this evening. You deserve it. And do you know what? Your man will be right by your side but only you will feel him. No one else there will know. Just don’t get smiling to yourself or chatting to him because people will think you’ve gone barmy 
Like Romy, you will probably cry when you get home but who cares because you will have crossed another hurdle.
Sending you love and strength. 
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Crazy Kate
Thank you so much for your reply, we always will be a couple, because we don’t know any other way do we.
I will let you know how it goes tonight
Annie
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Please do Annie. Good luck