So sorry for you losing your husband and mum so close, it must be so hard.
You’re right, I’m keeping busy as much as I can, cannot stand sitting there with my mind going over everything .
Thank you.
Steph x
Dear Stephtim
Like your husband mine was fine the morning he woke up but when he got up to go to work he had a cardiac arrest .
He died three days later in ITU having suffered daily cardiac arrests . The preliminary brain scan showed he had suffered damage from the original arrest .
Life can change in an instant .
I have had flashbacks like you and have had EMDR therapy to try to help me cope with the trauma . It is hard to remember good times with my husband because of the trauma of that morning and the following days . Keeping busy helped me a lot in the beginning. To be honest I had no choice because I had to become heavily involved in the family business . But now that this has settled a bit I have had to turn my attention more to my grief and try to settle the memories into something more manageable . Grief will follow you and demands attention . You have to go deep with it I have found . As much as I have tried to get away from the sadness and unhappiness by keeping busy there is comes a point when it demands your attention and in a different way than it did for me in the beginning . I am still working on finding a new type of relationship with a man who I love who although physically absent is in my heart and head 24/7 …and establishing a new relationship with myself …after finding myself without him having grown up with him and been with him for 42 years . It is hard work and never ending and I don’t expect to be the person I was before all this happened . But I am trying to make myself as comfortable as possible in this new set of circumstances that I find myself in and my bereavement counsellor has been a great source of support .
Sending big hugs to everyone on this traumatic and emotional journey . Keep going . Thinking of you
Romy xxx
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May you find some peace on your traumatic and emotional journey Romy. Thinking of you too, big hug and kindest wishes, xx
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Thank you Rainbow
X
Dear Romy, it’s good to hear from you. I’ve missed you 
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Sending big hugs to you too
X
Thank you Romy, it’s pretty much how I’ve found my experience with grief, with the sudden loss of my husband and associated trauma. It helps when you start to understand your feelings and the challenges it brings. We are all pretty amazing and our lovely men will be proud of us.
Hi there Romy along with Kate, Rainbow and SanW. I think we have all been floating around the SR forum about the same length of time, so it’s good to hear from you all.
I can certainly relate to all you are going through Romy. I have also decided that it is time for me to learn to live and accept this new life that is being thrown at me. It’s all certainly different to what I expected and like you, don’t think I will ever be the same person again. But I am learning to cope with my grief, to understand it more and be prepared for when it strikes at me…
Brian was not my first love, we had both been married before and I really thought that I would be able to cope much better than I have. We did manage thirty years together so he was a big part of my life for many years. Losing Brian was not sudden, I knew it was coming. I nursed him to the end so that he was at home but it is equally traumatic. I remember his pain, I remember those terrible days and how I hoped for a miracle. I don’t think these memories will ever leave me but I know that I must work around them…
I tried counselling but had a phone call after three to tell me that as I was positive and obviously a strong person he didn’t really think that I needed any more sessions. How on earth can these people know what is going on inside you, just because I wasn’t showing my pain didn’t mean that I wasn’t traumatised by it So I am counselling myself. I find myself going over things that happened during our marriage, our interests, holidays, things that made us laugh or even upset us and I think I’m actually doing a better job. Like you Romy I am accepting that I will live with this grief inside me forever it’s not going away, which is what I expected in the beginning. But equally I have a life to live and must get on with it. Every step is a challenge.
xxxx
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Hi Romy,
Thank you for your message,
Our stories sound so alike, Tim had a brain scan , and as he was starved of oxygen he was brain dead it was just the machines keeping him going.
The hardest thing was when they turned the machines off I was laying next to him holding him tight it was so traumatic, never felt so much pain and constant flashbacks.
I understand what you are saying about grief demanding attention, there is only so much pushing away you can do .
Like you growing up with my husband it’s the only life I know and to try and adjust to this new life is so hard and forced upon us, and to think too far into the future is terrifying, so try to just think about today.
You are strong trying to adjust to this new life after 42 years.
Big hug,
Steph x
Hi Kinh1982 so sorry for your loss at 36 life is so Cruel on 6th March it will be 4 months since my beautiful wife Penny 
passed away on the 06 November 2019 to Mets Breast Cancer that was diagnosed just 21 days before. GP was treating her for Sciatica. Penny collapsed in the bedroom in October taken to hospital diagnosed with Mets breast Cancer. This after I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer this time last year had Radiotherapy in June/July GP told me I had Piles. Would not give me a PSA test he said I didn’t need one. after months of arguments got a PSA test. Went for more tests on Christmas Eve 2018. After Christmas they came back Sorry you have locally advanced prostate cancer. I was then overdosed on homone tables by a hospital professor put me on 3 a day for 3 months should have been 1 a day . Only decovered after I hasvery ill. They said I will have to come of the homones. That’s when Penny said can’t he stay on 1. They said I should have been on 1. As I went for Radiotherapy Penny Started to complain about a bad back took see GP he said that she had Sciatica. It wasn’t it breast cancer spread to her Spine. XXX
I’m about the same time too and can so relate with you all and those newer to this forum. We all survive but I just don’t know who I am now. My identity has gone and I am living in what I can only describe as “no mans’ land”. I’m sheltering in a bunker whilst grenades drop all around me. The grenades are basically “stressors” from other people who are close to me or work related issues. I’m frightened for myself as I think I’m going to combust! I need to find the new me. How can I do this? Love to you all - #0nlinecomradesmatter
Sorry but I have no faith in the NHS After what went through last 18 months. And then my wife beautiful Penny passing away. Mets Breast Cancer she never knew she had . And myself diagnosed with Prostate cancer this time last year. Sorry my GP is useless even saw him I hospital told me there nothing wrong with me just Piles. As he nearly fell asleep on the desk in front of me. He told my wife Penny she had Sciatica for 4 months till she collapsed. We both had Cancer. One of us passing away my Darling Beautiful wife PENNY .