Hello I can’t say what going round I my head
Not very nice things at the min
My husband said there was know such thing as hell
Well that’s a fib as I am in hell now xx
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I had a call from the hospice bereavement councillor today. It was nice to speak to someone who didn’t try to tell me its OK, you will be alright in time. People mean well and I thank the Lord they care enough to say anything. Its just a really bad day, all I can do is cry. My heart is ripped wide open, I can’t imagine it ever healing without my soul mate, my darling , sweet natured, caring, supportive loving husband Tommy 
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Dear Hills 13,
I am so sorry for your grieving heart.
Perhaps there’s no such thing as “normal” but a lot of people seem to suffer from the empty, dry, emotionless state from time to time.
Your loss is still very new and the shock is acting like an anaesthetic separating you, in a way, from the full pain.
When the tears come, let them. They are part of the healing process. I think we’ll carry the scar for ever but like a memory badge and without the pain.
To everyone here, in this nightmare from which we cannot awake, I can say that there are times already that are more manageable.
My husband, to whom I have been married for almost all my adult life, has died before we could celebrate our 60th anniversary. I’m astounded, in disbelief because he was my world - no children, no family near enough to visit; the last of our old friends died at Easter. He was good, cherishing, intelligent, handsome, strong and fit, killed suddenly by COVID, which he caught in hospital. I feel shaken to my core and am sometimes a wreck of sobbing and railing at the government for reckless irresponsibility and at God for not hearing my desperate prayers. At other times I can experience whole days of calm and feel the presence of strength and love.
Here you can talk about your grief. No-one will expect you to be “over it”. No-one here has experienced your grief because it is unique. Each one of us suffers alone. Nobody can bear the pain for us but, two things - we understand and, more importantly, WE CAN AND DO bear this pain for our lost love. Because we are here in this anguish, we can have gladness in our hearts that our dear one will never have to suffer it.
Goodnight and God bless.
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Hi gang,
Hope you are all doing as best as you can.
Been very busy with work all week.
Its a welcome distraction from the pain and thoughts.
I had my first counselling session on Thursday.
Cried. Blerbed my way through.
Lots to get out.
6 sessions wont touch the surface, but its better than nothing.
It will be 9 weeks tomorrow since I lost my hubby.
I talk to him all the time.
I just miss him so much.
My best mate.
I thought we were going to be together forever.
Widowed 6 days before my 43rd birthday.
I am in a slightly better place than I was a few weeks ago.
I am at the mostly numb stage. Numb is good.
I have found going back to work an enourmous help.
It has given my whirring brain something else to focus on.
It must be so difficult for those who no longer work.
This lockdown isnt helping.
I leave the house to nip to the supermarket.
Im waffling a bit, I know, but i just want to give avray of hope for those at the beginning of this nightmare, that i PROMISE it does get easier.
You wont believe me, but it does.
My anti depressants are keeping me going.
I plead with anyone reading this that hasn’t seen their G.P. GO AND SEE YOUR G.P.
Im not telling anyone to take anti depressants.
Im telling you to make sure your G.P knows how you are feeling and can give you the best advice. Please do not suffer on your own.
Its been weeks since i heard from anyone.
People getting on with their own lives.
It happens.
Sending love and light. Xxxx
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Hi to all of you who are feeling the loss and pain as i am…its a sunny morning here and i think that makes it worse…you are expected to be happy on a sunny day! I plan a walk later which i enjoy as often pass people who are happy to smile and say good morning…it helps to interact as much as we can in this lockdown time.
I have been extremely lucky with the family support from children and stepchildren and they say how proud of me they are…but of course we hide a lot not to be a burden …all we can do is carry on and hope each day will be better…i wish you all some comfort from your memories and the strength to make new ones in the future …hils x
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Hi to everyone
I have struggling to much
My husband died 5 December and the pain gets worse every day
Still in bed as can’t see the point off getting up
My doctor gave me sleeping tablets
Seem to be getting some sleep
Had to call 999 Sunday as there not sure if I have had a slight heart attack,
So under the hospital now
It wasn’t a heart attack it the pain I get for missing my husband
Have told them that xxx
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I lost my lifelong partner of 37 years . He was the love of my life the centre of my world. I was his Carer for the last 3 years and just the 2 of us were together 24/7. He was only 50.
It was his funeral a couple of weeks before Xmas. The time since has just passed in a blur. I’m struggling to get through and feel so lost and isolated. I am feeling like a lot of you cant sleep or focus. Sit down to watch TV and just can’t face watching programmes we would sit down and watch together. My heart is broken . I am grateful I’ve found this site today as I feel I’m going mad 
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@Juli69
So sorry to hear about your loss.
Trust me, you are not going mad. X
My Husbands funeral was 3rd Dec.
The days and nights are rolling into one.
Now im back at work i have to force myself to get out of bed and have structure to my day.
My cats have kept me going because they demand their breakfast lunch and dinner at the same time.
Your whole world has been turned upside down.
Coming on here has helped tremendously.
Unless family/friends have been through this, then they have no idea of the pain you are going through.
We all do. X
Take care.xx
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Family and friends don’t have a clue,there life’s are the same
Keep being told take one day at a time
But the pain seems to be getting worse
Feeling so low my husband was my world
We were always together never did anything apart
Miss him so much x
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I sorry for your loss.
Firstly you are definitely not going mad, it’s your mind and body just saying this hurts so much.
This last week has been busy for me with work which did help but the other morning I was listening to music and ended up just sitting and balling my eyes out for an hour.
I do feel numb most of the time but I have to just keep going for the kids. I do hide a lot from them as to how I’m feeling as I don’t want to burden them with my pain as well.
I am considering going to my gp but don’t feel ready just yet.
Please take care xx
Hi, my first time on here and helps to read how others are coping. My partner died on the 23rd of November from Covid (total shock as he was getting better and had no underlying health conditions,) funeral on 11th December and then Christmas and New Year. I think everything that had to be organised kept me going until after New year which is when the realisation that this was me on my own and never being able to hear him or hold him again hit me.
Everyone has been brilliant, but I feel so alone and empty. Do have some manageable days but lots of sad ones and when I cry its overwhelming, I sob like a baby. Couple of hours today and just want to talk to him.
Is it like this for others, I can’t imagine never seeing him again and so sad for all the things we had planned and feel totally robbed.
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Hi I don’t know how I get out the bed in the morning
Pain is so unbearable
Hate seeing couples can’t stand anyone being happy
I am heartbroken I miss my husband so much I just want to be with him xx
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My husband also had Covid fit and healthy so heartbreaking he passed away December the 5 funeral was the 18 off December xx
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I totally understand. I feel the covid has stolen our future. If it wasn’t for that he would be here as he too was fit and healthy. We had so many plans which is what really hurts me. I could stay in bed too and also envious of couples and their chat as they walk past me. Even get upset in the supermarket buying food just for me and not being able to ask him what he wants for tea.
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Same here i try not to shop to much as all I do is cry
Looking at all the treats I use to buy Andy
We always went abroad for 10 days every year we didn’t get there last year and now I won’t go as it won’t be the same I can’t watch is tv programs he liked and we always watched films can’t do that either
So sad and bloody hard xx
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Glad its not just me. At least the masks we have to wear hide my tears from others.
We always went in a cottage somewhere peaceful, but he drove us there (I don’t drive) so won’t be able to do that anymore.
There are lots of things he recorded and saved on Virgin and some he never watched, but I won’t ever be able to delete them now, but also can’t watch them. So many programs we loved watching together and will be hard to watch them now. I watched a film he had never seen the other night and sobbed when it finished because I knew he would have loved it and would never see it. Xx
I do talk to his photo all the time, just about everyday stuff, that helps. X
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Hi all,
Im exactly the same.
Cant watch programmes we watched together anymore.
I talk to him a lot.
My husband did all the cooking.
I was making a chilli in the slow cooker and made a right mess. I said out loud to him, yes i know im making a pigs ear of it.
I could smell.him on a coat that is in the wardrobe. I hugged it.
There is no way i can part with any of his clothes yet.
Its such a difficult time.
My nerves are raw.
I hate weekends because there is nothing to do. Nobody to talk to.
Nowhere to go.
Cant concentrate on films or read.
Mail came to the house yesterday for him.
I am very very down.
Hoping i wake up in a better mood tomorrow.
Take care. Xxx
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I use to love weekends just me and Andy
We use to have fish and chips from chippy every sat night
I won’t eat fish for a long time now
Everyday gets worse xx
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I’m still completing paperwork, everything is so clinical.
The word widow stops me in my tracks.
It’s only 23 days since I lost my husband and my world imploded. We only had his funeral 2 days ago, that was difficult picking who could attending church and the crematorium (it is so wrong).
I cannot see how I can move forward without my husband. There was only ever the two of us, I cry behind my mask in shops and behind closed doors.
I question everything I think I know or what I need to do. I don’t know how to me after 40 yrs of us.
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There was 41 years of us met Andy when I was 14
Married at 18 we were married 37 years we had are ups and downs
But I loved him and always put him first he always
My heart is broken and I am not sure how we cope with it xx
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