Will I ever get over this . I lost my husband 3rd july to cancer it’s so hard
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Hi Lynne4
I am sorry you too have lost your husband. Sadly I lost mine in June and I am still struggling every day. When your heart is broken there feels like nothing will repair it. However there are some very kind people here who will give you some kind words to help you through the grieving process as they understand where you are.
Personally I signed up to the grief coach and had my first session with a counsellor but I have to say the loneliness is the worst feeling imaginable. I hate sitting here alone day after day night after night with just my memories of Mike and all the plans we had for our future.
Hopefully you have some family that are supportive
Take care of you x
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After 22 months of loss of my darling husband I would say that you never get over the loss but you do learn to deal with it so it’s less painful. His two year anniversary is looming and I am not sure how I will Luckily I have a very supportive family and friends and I hope everyone else does.
Hi jen64.
Yes it’s the coming home when you been to work a d the house is empty. I just come home fm work now have a shower and go to bed.
Yes it’s so hard. Just had the courage to read all the cards. My hod it was hard
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I just lost my husband on28th September I’m so angry
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I feel that way as well. What were the circumstances of his death. I’m angry with him.for leaving me. I’m comforted by the thoughts of others though. Welcome murran my husband died in August a week before his birthday… I’m angry that he’s left me to deal with everything.
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Yes I agree with all the comments already given. I have reached 5years from when I lost my beloved husband but it could of been yesterday as the pain is always there…
The hardest thing I found was coming home to a empty house, I would do anything as not to come home, I would walk round the shops for hrs so as not to have to walk through that door to emptiness
What Ido now is I leave the radio on so when I turn the key in the door I am welcomed by noise , music or a talk show , it just makes me feel I am not on my own. Now the nights are drawing in I also leave the lights on a timer so the house is not a dark place to enter.
Everyone finds there own coping method which differs from one another but if we can share it may help some people in the same place as each of us.
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Hi Barn_owl
It’s been 16 months since Ian passed away and it still seems like yesterday to me. I really have no idea where the first year went or how I survived it. I say survive as it’s getting harder than ever to keep going.
My family live far away and I have no real friends here as we moved to Devon to spend our retirement in beautiful countryside. We were just happy in each other’s company.
I remember my counsellor telling me to have lights on a timer and it was the best suggestion she could make. I also make sure they go off well after I’m off to bed as it means I’m never leaving a dark room.
Take care,
Julie x
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Hello, my husband died suddenly in Feb this year, I coped so well in the beginning and the shock made me unable to cry. Then the anger came and my daughter said I would push everyone away I was so cross. I am now at complete an utter sadness stage. I’m having 1 to 1 counselling but I have found the most help and understanding on this site. I have found having the radio on helps and I have changed the furniture around in my lounge and that has helped to because I no longer turn to say to Graham things I would. I felt guilty at first moving the furniture like I was wiping him away but it has been the right thing for me.
I’m learning to embrace the grief, that pain in my chest isn’t so bad because the tears are here now. Graham and I had so many plans and I’m fulfilling those plans in his memory, I am learning to live with grief and I wouldn’t be as far as I am without this sue ryder site.
Hi. I know what you mean about the furniture. I’ve just bought some new furniture. I’m sad that my husband isn’t here to share it with me.bim also having some decorating done which was long overdue. However I feel that he is overseeing it all in a way. I’m still feeling numb and miss him dreadfully. There is a massive hole in my heart.
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I am new to this community, but already find some comfort in everyone’s comments, people that understand the pain and agony. My beloved husband had Alzheimer’s and passed away Aug 5. To say I am devastated doesn’t begin to describe how I feel.
Hello guys, i just had a bad day with our friend who is staying with me. We drank 4 bottles of wine between us and talked about our respective other halves. He lost his beloved wife very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 years ago. He was andys best friend so all of this was a double wammy for us both. I think it did us both good. Hes going to stay with his daughter for a few days then coming back. We are going to spend christmas day with our friends, but it will be hard. My husband always used to say he hated christmas but you know what? He enjoyed the day. I miss him dreadfully i used to call him bah humbug and scrooge. I had to writ out a list if what i wanted otherwise i’d end up with stuff i didnt want, but he alpays bought me slipper sox which i still love and cherish. I hope we’re both going to get through this. Im.going to go and see andy just before christmas and say those things to him. That should make him laugh and not feel so alone.
My husband passed away this November. I am absolutely devastated.
I hate closing my eyes as I know when I open them again he won’t be here. Hate leaving the house as I know when I come home it is empty, he is not here.
He is/was my soul mate, the only time we were apart in our 14years was when we were working (& recently when he was in hospital) Other than that always together, we didn’t need anyone or anything else, just us and our boys (pets)
I feel so empty and alone.
I also feel guilty that he has gone. I’m to blame, it’s my fault he has gone.
It should never have come to this, he shouldn’t be gone.
I don’t want to be here, feel like I’m just ‘existing’
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I know how you feel. Its hard especially in the evenings. And when im thinking about travelling i dont want to do it on my own. I had a good cry last night as i couldnt stop thinking about him. I love him.
I have started a note book where I ‘write to him’ … Not necessarily everyday, but will write how I’m feeling on some days. I find it hard to express to people (only he knew me & how to get me to talk)
I’ve had people already tell me to “move on, you’re young (45)”
… erm… No!! - an odd bod at the best of times, my husband understood & accepted me completely - that’s rare.
My manager is “surprised” I’m struggling & apparently there if I need to talk? - this is some who has taken time off since October because his wife broke a bone & he struggled with that? … his messages since he knew my husband passed were about him & his struggles
… not once asked how I was. Today he sent: I’m hoping to be back at work in new year (off since his wife broke her arm in Oct!) I replied “glad you’re going back, I won’t be as really struggling,” … That’s where his response was that he was 'surprised?? I haven’t replied as it won’t be nice.
I am only here because I am fighting the hospital and his employers. That’s what’s keeping me going - getting justice for him
Oh dear. I dont know the circumstsnces of why you are fighting the hospital but all this is extra stress for you. I dont know how your boss can be so callous. In normal circumstances im sure you would take him.on. but these are far from normal circumstsnces and you need to concentrate on other fights. You poor thing i have all sympathy for you and with you. Keep going girl.
Thank you Camille58.
I am sorry in my last response - vague & angry.
Short story - hubby after several diagnosis told a lung disease in June & had been referred to a specialist. I’m & out if hospital - getting worse each time & Sept they have the wrong discharge letter & meds.
They found out we have pet ducks - decided they are the problem (not provided evidence of this & not provided reason for delay I. Referrals when I asked) hubby not been near the ducks (only 3 of them) since June … me since Sept - but I have been changing etc at a neighbours before coming in the house - training the neighbour to care for them until we knew for sure)
November they told me specialist won’t see him because he can’t walk into the hospital (if they referred when they should have - he could) then said he won’t see Christmas… Reason is because I’m killing him by having the ducks still on the property. Within 30min they said he won’t see through that night (Thurs) he passed on the Saturday.
I have been left with- was it my fault? …
The ME gas created an investigation as to why the delay & advised me to write a complaint… I will do this, I have requested copies of his records.
His employers - I notified them the Monday after he passed.
Have since had messages asking if he can cover shifts. Have also been told they “can’t find his contract to see what’s owed/entitled” … I e emailed copies to them.
My Gas/Electric… Always been me dealing with it, main holder, comes from my account - but had hubby named for ID purposes … notified provider to remove his name, was assured everything else would remain. They froze the account and am. Ow getting letters saying I owe - been onto them again today about it all.
My work … Well … I give up!
(Not as short as I thought - sorry)
I never thought going through something as difficult as losing the live of your life would be as difficult as it is?
(I also only lost my dad a year ago … I never took time to grieve his loss )
Sorry … Didn’t mean to rant - I know everyone is grieving x
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Ffs. That is ridiculous. I used to work as a nurse and that is sll appalling. No wonder you are fighting them. You need answers. Im so sorry for your loss. Ive also had to deal with utility companies and his pension funds. I had to wait for death certificates as my husband went to coroners. But they issued temporary ones. I also had to apply for copies of marriage and birth certificates as they all wanted evidence that he had in fact died. But im just about through all tha now 4 months later. Most people are sympathetic. But it doesnt make it sny easier.
Thank you… I never thought it would be so difficult in notifying on someone passing. It rediculous.
It’s awful. Noone should have to gom through such difficulties and hassle of ‘proving’ someone has passed.
I am 100% fighting the hospital… That’s what’s keeping me going at the moment. I know it won’t bring Paul back, but at least I can hope it stops another family going through the same thing. The fact the ME has initiated the investigation shows something… The only reason Paul never went through the coroner as I agreed (with the ME) it was his lungs … The issue is the hospitals delay in referrals & correct treatment.
The ME did say that the scarring on his lungs is likely from the pneumonia, nothing to do with the ducks.
Still doesn’t stop me feeling guilty though.
We’ve had the ducks 8 years, Paul never suffered with his chest. Me - I have asthma and a weak chest … So surely if the ducks did cause a problem it would be me x