hi cassie im so sorry you are feeling so bad this morning. like you i had a bad night if John came to you in a dream it means hes there watching over you i truly believ that whether you get to him or not hes there he paid you a visit i woke at 2.15 with the feeling of someone sitting on my legs i tried to move but couldnt and shouted out to wake myself up the covers were loose on my legs and there was nothing there i got up crying because i knew it was Darrell he was trying to tell me something i came down stairs and looked around and realised i had left the back door unlocked it was his way of getting my attention i went back upstairs and saw a shadow in my room near the window but it didnt frighten me as i knew it was Darrell i ask him every night to lie with me when i kiss his urn x … i hope the thought that John has visited you can give you some peace today… i feel very weepy today my daughter came down this morning at 8 am to see if i was ok and i just burst into tears i dont think she knows what to do anymore as all i seem to-be doing is crying and it certainly isn’t getting any easier xx take care and sending much love xx jo xxx
hi sandra thank you for your message this life we live is so cruel. like you i didnt believe i could cry so much and doesnt seem to be slowing down. how lovely that you were together for so long yrue love … there are terrible people walking this earth that dont deserve the air we breath but our lived ones were taken instead i cant seem to be able to come to terms with all this its not right i used to go to church every sunday at 8 before Darrell was poorly now i think what a waste of time i spent an hour sitting in a cold church listening to someone banging on about god loves us all … really what a great way of showing it god loves me ? so let him take away the love of my life and leave me like this … sorry having a crap morning xxx take care love jo xx
Hi Jo I feel exactly the same . I keep asking why there are so many bad people walking round and my only love was taken.
I cant bare the thought hes gone for good and I cant touch him or lie next to him.
Every time couples hug or kiss on tv it sets me off.
Ive done another picture frame over the weekend.
I ve got sixty pics of him all over the house. Its funny really, he wasnt keen on having his pic taken but I carried on anyway.
Im so glad because Ive got pics of him all different ages. Dont know what I would do without these. I can talk to him and kiss him anywhere in the house,
Love Sandra xx
Hi I lost my husband on 22 November 2018 very suddenly after 23 years of marriage, i never got to say goodbye which really hurts.I feel it’s worse now than when he died, it when you realise that they are no longer there, you can’t talked to them, can’t have a cuddle, kisses. My husband and I spend every minute together he was my best friend, soulmate the other half of me which will never make me whole again. I take every day as it comes it’s hard but he would of wanted me to carry on, I’m sure it would be the same for your husband hang on in there x
Hi Angie I know what youre saying.
They would want us to carry on and I am ,
Im making plans, booking holidays with family. Celebrating important dates. Getting out of bed because I know hes telling me to…
Its just that like you he was half of me.
We did everything together, never needed anyone else. Have to try and carry on reminding myself that hes not suffering anymore and We will be back together one day,
Love Sandra xx
Hi Jo, I am exact the opposite! I haven’t been to church for a long time and dabbed in Buddhism for a long time to, now I am back to church on Sundays!
I feel that the idea of meeting Jack again very appealing. Although Jack was taken from me God has been kind to me and him , Jack find the linger for ever in pain , there is love around us and Jack’s love is with me
I hope you feel better but crying is good! I wished to cry more as I think I am still numb
Love
Sadie x
Dear Sheila A lot of these pics are of Phil with the grandchildren, usually teasing them. Some lovely facial expresions. He was the same when our children were small always teasing.
Others are of us together always holding hands when we were out .
Our grandaughter used to ask her mum why didnt her and daddy hold hands like nanny and grandad.
I dream of Phil when he was young.
Many mediums say that when you die tou go back to an age when you were at your best.
A particularly well known one says everyone goes back to age 33.
That would make sense for me because thats about the age Phil is when I dream about him.
Hope you have as good a day as you can,
Love Sandra xx
oh Sandra thats lovely my Darrell didnt like his picture taken either xx sending love xx jo xx
hi Angie im sorry to hear about your husband sending love your way jo xxx take care
Dear Sheila How selfish. Its good that you are strong and getting on with your life…
Its still so wrong though. After all that youve done for them.
I think if they asked for anything else from now on I would be saying enoughs enough. They need to stop thinking of you as the bank of mother.
I know because Im guilty of the same, but they do pay me back now, albeit in a long while.
My daughter keeps in touch every day. And visits a couple of times a week .
My sons always working but he stays for a few days when he can and texts every morning.
I know Im lucky in that way, but before this I only ever needed one person and him me.
I also miss Phils shoulder massages he always released the tension in my neck and shoulders with his lively healing hands,
Love Sandra xx
Hi Sheila It was my sister who put me wise. After Phil died we seemed to be eating out all of the time with me paying.
Also they both asked for a loan as they knew I had just been paid by the insurance company.
I had been through this in the past loaning them money and they would start to pay me back but it would dwindle and never got much back. Phil would ask me if they had paid he wasnt happy. He used to say theyre both working and seem to have money to spare for everything they want.
My sister said you cant keep giving your money away. Make sure they pay you back
Now I have made out a payment card and they are paying half of the holiday.
I will pay half and Im paying for the fuel .
The loans they had I have made a card also and they are paying me back.
It does make sense. I know Phil made sure I was comfortable but apart from that the only income I have is a small bereavement payment monthly.
I dont get my pension til 2020 when I will be almost 66.
Apparently if I had been pensionable age I would have got some of Phils pension but Im not.
I finished work to look after Phil. At one point when I was waiting for the insurance payout I was told I would have to claim jobseekers allowance and look for work.
I was incapable of getting through the day at the time never mind go to work.
It seems to be working anyway, I will stick to my guns and discretely remind them if they forget,
Love Sandra xx
I’ve got a situation which plays on my mind and which I’m anxious to resolve before I die. Several years ago my wife took money from her inherited savings to give to my son as a loan to meet a tax bill. A couple of years later she gave him a large sum as a deposit for a house. His three sisters were completely in favour of the idea as they had already bought their homes.
My will basically divides my estate between the four of them.
One of the reasons I would look to downsize would be to release enough capital to give each daughter an amount equal, or should that be greater, to that which my son has enjoyed for eight years now. Not one of my daughters has mentioned it. They may even have forgotten about it. I can’t forget about it and if I gave them the money out of my savings I would have little left.
I suppose it’s a good reason to stay alive a bit longer, and maybe sell up next year.
At the moment I try to ensure that I am evenhanded in sharing my money around but there are massive differences in the income of each of the four households.
I had thought about rewriting my will but it would be quite complicated.
Dear Sheila We decided to downsize and move out of the town just before Phil became ill.
Its just as well we did. We moved to a bungalow thinking about old age.
We never realised that he would become ill shortly after and wouldnt be able to manage the stairs.
I can keep this clean as theres only me. A few minutes dusting and hoovering.
I recently got a gardener in to prune all the shrubs and dig others out. As this garden is much smaller it was overwhelmed by shrubs.
Where he took out the shrubs he planted some small hebes.
Then he jet washed all the paths.
On the other side of the house I have got slate chippings next to the path and have got pots with roses and different plants all along.
Next to Phils lovely new shed, Ive made a garden dedicated to him. I keep adding to it with lights and little ornaments and some small plants.
Ive also put a rose for him in a pot. Its golden celebrations, he liked yellow roses.
Also its the fiftieth anniversary this year of when we met.
The gardener said he would come once a fortnight and keep it tidy.
I told him I would do it now that its low maintenance.
I have a cordless mower and can strim and then hoe the borders myself.
Plus I enjoy gardening as long as its not too much hard work.
Then I can sit outside and look at the fruits of my work,
Im sure Phil loves the garden.
Like you I can buy what I want without going mad and when anything happens to me they will have the sale of the house.
This is more than Phil an I ever had .both our parents never owned their own homes,
Love Sandra xx
hello i have not been on this forum before but i have been reading them for a few weeks my husband died 28 december 2018 cannot cope crying all the time i hope what you said everyone going back to 33 is not always the way it is as my husband was 34 when i met him i was 17 we were together for 48 years married for 46 i miss him so much do not know how to keep going without him
hi carolyna i too was worried by that as there was 20 years difference between me and my Darrell and i was 23 when we met so he was not with me at 33 im so glad you posted that as its been on my mind all day xx i know that Darrell is around me sometimes not all the time why i do not know he should be here no where else anyway xx i lost Darrell on 20 january 2019 so not much difference in our time scale i to am crying constantly dont know what to do xxx here if you need a chat xx take care live jo xxx
thank you jo and sheila for your replies is has been helping me reading all your posts it is knowing i am not alone
Hi Carolyna. I lost my John on Nov 6th last year. I am so angry all the time and cry constantly. I had my first online counselling section on here today. I cried all the way through it but it helped to say all the things I can’t say to anyone else. Having another next week. You are definitely not alone. This forum has kept me sane over the last few months. If you ever need a chat, we are here for you. Love Cassie xxx
Hi Carolyna. I lost my John on Nov 6th last year. I am so angry all the time and cry constantly. I had my first online counselling section on here today. I cried all the way through it but it helped to say all the things I can’t say to anyone else. Having another next week. You are definitely not alone. This forum has kept me sane over the last few months. If you ever need a chat, we are here for you. Love Cassie xxx
hi carolyna you are definitely not alone here if you need me xxx jo
To save the hassle of drawing up a new Will, as you say it would be complicated, could you speak with your son and ask him to take a lesser amount than his sisters, equal to the amount he’s already received previously from your wife. If that was documented and signed by yourself and your son and put with your Will then that would perhaps rectify your dilemma as well as giving you peace of mind for overall equal shares when your time comes…