Dear Carolyna Dont quote me on 33, its not written in stone.
We met 50 years ago and never quite made our 48th wedding anniversary.
As for keeping going, I dont really know.
I just keep getting up and carrying on.
Phil died in July last year , its been 8 and a half months and I cant tell you that it gets easier.
The only way is one day at a time. Just small steps and maybe eventually it will be slightly easier to cope.
Youve come to the best place here, everyone knows how youre feeling.
You can say what you like and we will all understand.
People who havent lost the love of their life cant possibly understand.
I would rather speak to people on here than speak to a councellor face to face,
Dear Sheila Me too I could never imagine being left on my own.
Yet we know it will happen that one of us would be left behind, but we never spoke of it.
When he was ill even less so because that would make it real.
We just carried on making plans.
At the house I had a rose called golden showers which was a beautiful deep yellow with a lovely scent.
I also had lots of pink and red roses.
My favourites are the David Austin old english roses like Gertrude Jeckyll which is pink and highly scented.
Its 50 years this year since we met, and Im so glad that I can say Ive been happy for every one of them,
thank you jo i am quite a needy person now always wanting to talk to someone to try to keep calm i am waiting for a appointment with a counsellor dont know if it will help my doctor wants me to see a psychiatrist as i have just been diagnosed with breast cancer but i feel to numb let it bother me all i can do is think about alan and how much i miss him
Yorkshirelad you have a challenge in your hands. The girls may not remember now and nay remember layer, maybe they remember and don’t want to say, maybe your son doesn’t remember exactly what happened!!
When it comes to money people’s reaction can be surprising!
Don’t envy your situation
Safie
Carolyna, this forum is very helpful.
It has been invaluable to me to hear people’s experiences and to be able to talk freely because they understand what you are going through
Sadie x
Sandra, I have a Gertrude Jekyll on my fence and it is my favourite - flowers like mad although I prune it really hard usually. This year I haven’t done any pruning as I can’t seem to shake off this awful feeling of life being so pointless now without Iain to share it with me.
hello cassie55 i have seen a counsellor 3 times and i just cry all the time too it did not seem much help as she just repeats what i say i am waiting to see another one hopefully it will be better all i want is to be with alan
Hi. I talked a counsellor from Sue Ryder on a video call. She was great. I want to be with John too, but without doing something that would hurt my family I know it won’t be soon that we are together again xx
Cassie, I a man glad you m motioned the on later be counselling- how did you find out about them? Do you want hunk it is better than face to face?
Thanks
Sadie x
Hi Sadie. I found the online video counselling much better. I didn’t have to face anyone else afterwards. In the comfort of my own home I felt I could say anything I wanted and cry if I wanted too (which I did). There is a link on the main page of this forum where you can request an online appointment. I have a terrible headache now but I got so much anger off my chest. You have an initial 50 mins and then you can have 6 more sessions with them xxx
Hi Sandra, Jack and I never talked about what it would happened when you of us died and as you said we didn’t either when Jack became will and I deeply regret that we didn’t
I wish I had been braver and talked about thingsxqe done together, what he would like me to do etc etc
It’s a dilemma. It I knew someone who gave their daughter a lump sum towards a deposit , of course depending on the loan and the value of your estate it could be different, I think the amount was around £30000 so they stipulated that at the end of the day the other children would get £30000 each and then the remainder of the estate would be wp,it 3 ways.
I know what you mean Maryjane, but I ve made a little garden for Phil with some nice plants and some little garden ornaments and lights. Im sure he would have loved it.
Ive also planted a golden celebrations rose for him as this year is the 50th anniversary of when we first met.
These things motivate me because I know I wont let it get overgrown even though I can be crying when Im working out there,
Hi Jo, I didn’t realise your Darrell as 20 years older than you. That was the same age gap as between George and I. I am probably repeating myself but my doctor said didn’t I realise I would be on my own at some point because George was older than me. Well yes I realised there was a chance but not so soon or so quickly!! I hope you are okay, take care Debbie xx
Hi Jo, I didn’t realise your Darrell as 20 years older than you. That was the same age gap as between George and I. I am probably repeating myself but my doctor said didn’t I realise I would be on my own at some point because George was older than me. Well yes I realised there was a chance but not so soon or so quickly!! I hope you are okay, take care Debbie xx
I’m the same my husband was 18 years older than me and we were married for 23 wonderful years, age was never a issue with us, he was a man that was young at heart, he was only 62 when he die, he always said that I kept him young and he did the same for me xx
hi Carolyna im sorry to hear that you are suffering in more than one way x my best friend had breast cancer and she is all clear now so think positive xx alan would want you to get sorted out so do it for him im here if you need to talk about anything you are not on your own with all this ok xx sending love to you xx jo xx
Hi Sheila Phils my motivation for everything. He wasnt a keen gardener. He would cut the lawn and do any heavy digging. I did all the planting and the pots, but he loved to sit on the swing and we would discuss all the plants.
He didnt know all their names but he could appreciate their beauty.
His yellow roses and I had an arch with summer jasmine growing round it? he loved that.
So I still do the plants for him. For the same reason when I get up in the morning I still take care of myself.
I still put my face on as I always did.
I will keep doing things as if he was still here because the alternative is to give up and I know he wouldnt want me to do that,
Thanks for your comments, June, and thank you to everyone else who commented. Before my wife became ill we had discussed downsizing, and then making things right out of the capital that would be realised. That all got put on the back burner as we got overtaken by events. That still remains my preferred option but it would probably be a good idea to discuss it with the four of them individually. I suspect my son will have forgotten as he is dyslexic and completely hopeless at remembering. I suppose I could tell him we were buying a share in his house and keeping close note of potential capital growth, but he knew his mother too well. His sisters called him The Special One…I think it was just a joke.