Hi Eileen, Good to hear from you, Am glad you are getting counselling and hop e it will help, I am waiting to start mine. I have to get outeveryday cannot stand being in at all I have a garden that Colin and I used to love doing cant be bothered any more cant see the point,I cannot drive so after all these years of going every where in the car now have to get buses . I just hope it does get better otherwise I don’t know the answer, I think after 8 weeks I have just accepted the fact he has gone and do feel desperate. 66 years of marriage and 56years is a long time and we don’t know a life without them.Do you just ride round on buses or do you go to clubs? Well another day not sure where to go You are in my thoughts and prayers Kind regards Pammi x
I’m struggling with a silly thing this morning but I know you’ll understand . I had to tidy up a bit because I have to get the house valued for probate . I found the repair Paul did on the Hoover and am in tears again. This keeps happening.
Thanks for being there,
Tilly
Hello, Tilly. I understand why you are in tears and it’s not silly. The other day I was tidying my kitchen cupboards and right at the back of one was a bottle of Crosse and Blackwell sauce which my husband liked. I never used it myself. Anyway, I just stood and cried, thinking about how much I miss him and how am I going to carry on alone. I hate my life as it is now. Writing on here helps a bit when I see other people feeling as I do. Take care. Eileen
Hi I’m trying to be positive and thinking about how lucky I was to have my husband for 32 years and how lucky I am to have my friends and my sister to talk to. However the pain is still there and probably always will be. But I know he would want me to keep going and look after our son and our dog and cat.I still cry myself to sleep every night at the moment xx
Hi Tilly Understand exactly how you felt , Colin mended my braclet for me and today I went to put it on and in floods of tears been married 56 years have got to start councelling soon because I,m worried I wont make it, but then do I want to ? I’m sure there is light at the end of this long tunnel. take care love Pammi xx
Hi , sorry for loss , I know exactly how ur feeling , I lost my husband 2/01/18 , struggling also to adjust .
I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you time is so young I’m into my 8th week but it is very hard , want to so much feel better but don’t know when that will happen, Take care Love Pammi
I’ve been trying to sort some of the mass of papers but there’s so much of him there, it’s impossible.
That line from the song keeps going through my head 'someone to bless me whenever I sneeze ', …‘let there be love.’
There’s no more love to be had.
Can’t explain to well wishers,
X Tilly
Hello, Pammi and thank you for your message on here. I wish I could think of some way to get rid of this awful pain but there is no quick fix, and I think we just have to do it gradually. Each morning when I wake up, my first thought is ‘what’s the point’ and it takes a huge effort to get out of bed. So far I have managed to get up and carry on but I have no interest in anything at the moment. As you say, 56 and 66 years is a long time to be with someone and I do feel thankful that we had all those years together. Many others don’t get that chance. My biggest concern is that I haven’t ever dreamt about Bill since he died last June. It’s almost as if he has been wiped completely out of my life. I had my second counselling session on Wednesday. Not sure if it’s working but I was able to talk to the lady freely, and I think that must be a good thing. I still have my full driving license but I don’t want to drive any more. Apart from the cost of running a car, I don’t feel fit enough. So I use my bus pass but also do a lot of walking when the weather is good. I have joined a short mat bowls club which I like but have never been a club person so I mainly walk or visit friends occasionally.
I hope you are managing to get through the days, and maybe you could consider some counselling. Warm regards. Eileen
Hi Eileen lovely to get your message, like you have not dreamt about Bill I haven’t about Colin, I feel the same he has just gone and there is nothing that’s what I am finding it hard to deal with. I have left his name on a lot of Bills as I don’t want it to be as if he never existed . My counselling is starting in two weeks I do hope it helps no it wont be a miracle but just want to feel a bit better and get rid of this awful feeling in my stomach that I am sure you have as well, I agree that we were lucky to have had such lovely years and lots of lovely memories, but at the moment cannot think of them. I am looking to move eventually dont want to stay in this bungalow any more was lovely when I had Colin but its to big for me now. Hope we can continue to message each other I find it a help that you have been married a long time as well, Take care Warm regards Pammi x
Hi Tilly its hard trying to sort through the papers I do some then leave the rest, Understand the song and agree no more love to be had, I am fed up with the Wren advert If you leave me now you take away the biggest part of me, I try to turn it down quick or I’m in floods of tears again, How long do we have to go through this awful pain, Start counselling in two weeks hope it will help a bit, Another day tomorrow and another day of not knowing what to do, so wanted to get old together and thought we would, but thanks to a hospital error that was taken away , My thoughts are with you Warm regards Pammi xx
Hi Pammi,
Can’t get up today, in bed in tears. Some days much worse than others.
I hardly think about what’s going on beyond the house. People are kind but it means nothing.
My current nightmare is rerunning in my head, the time I had Paul at home before he had to go back into the hospice. All I can remember is how useless I was at coping with his disabilities. He was so helpless and I don’t think I was sympathetic enough. Now it’s too late.
Thanks for being there,
Love, Chris
Hi Chris, its awful isn’t it , yes some days are worse than others I got on the bus today and rode around came home and sat in front of tele yet when I had Colin wasn’t interested in tele at all, another day tomorrow but what is the point So much want to end this nightmare but its not what Colin would want, Don’t beat yourself up with not being able to deal with Paul when he was at home I am sure you did all you could, I am worried I wont get over it and don’t want to go on like this , You are in my thoughts, Love Pammi xx
Hi Pammi and everyone else,
I’ve turned down neighbours invitations today. I can’t be sociable and couldn’t admit that I was still in bed. My cat has been with me all day. I just wait for it to get dark again and eat my ready meal in bed.
I can’t believe I’ve come to this . I think tomorrow will be the same.
Is there anything to stop this?
Sorry to be so negative but this sharing helps,
Thinking of you all, love, TillyC
I lost my husband on the 26th September 2017, we had been married just 3 days but together for 27 years. Nothing could prepare me for the overwhelming grief and sadness I felt and still feel. There are days I don’t want to get out of bed and nothing fills the massive void I now have in my life. People tell you time heals and it gets easier but I honestly feel like this pain isn’t going to end or get easier. Does everyone feel like this? It’s been over 4 months yet I still feel the empty pain in my stomach that never stops aching.
There must be something in the air today. I haven’t got out of bed and have just cried non-stop. This is probably the worst day I have had since Derek was taken from me 5 weeks ago. I just want him back home with me and for this to have been a terrible nightmare.
Hi Ann today’s been yet another tear filled day for me sat in bed wishing my days away. Crazy thing is I know my husband would never want me feeling this way, hiding away from friends and family absorbed by my grief and then I feel guilty that I’m not being strong and letting him down which starts my daily cycle on the emotional rollercoster off again. I often wonder is it normal for me not to be coping? does everyone go threw this? Coming on this site today has given me the answer to that, i’m not alone and you find comfort in the strangest places.
Chelle x
Dear Chelle,
If it’s any comfort, as far as my experience goes, you are perfectly normal. We are all lonely and bereft and numb.
There doesn’t seem to be a way out of this nightmare. We are assured it will get better but many others here are finding that a long way off.
All we can do is keep talking, knowing there is a sympathetic space here to say exactly what we’re feeling, without anyone judging or pushing us to do things we can’t.
It all seems unreal,
Love from TillyC
Hi Everyone
I too have been feeling very low today. Chelle2 described exactly how I am feeling ‘nothing fills the massive void I now have in my life’. Next week will be four months since Geoff died. The time has gone past in a blur. Can it really be that long?
I am still trying to go a day at a time, not very motivated and not really moving on.
Hope tomorrow is better for us all.
Yvonne
To all you bereft posters on here, the only good thing about my reading all of them is that I now am convinced that this dreadful sadness and depression I have is normal. My husband died last June and we had been married for 66 years (68 if you include the 2 years we were engaged). I feel as if half of me has been cut away, and the next person to tell me that at 87, he had had ‘a good innings’ will be very sorry. What difference does that make I ask myself. We were like Siamese twins, always together, and I will never get over it. All I want is to be with him although I would never harm myself because of my family. Each night I pray that my dodgy heart will fail whilst I am asleep but every morning I wake to another lonely day without him. So I can sympathise with everyone on here but have to admit that there is no easy way out of the fog. I look forward to the day when one of us can post on here that they are getting better. Warm regards to you all. Eileen