Many thanks tilly xx
My heart go’s out to each and every women on here, each battling the emotional turmoil of loosing there soul mate.
Warm hugs and deepest sympathies to you all xx
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It’s so hard not having someone there to listen to you to and chat with all the time. My sister phoned and I was talking to her about the funeral but she was talking to her son in the background which hurt me a lot. Xx
Hi Tilly, Eileen, Yvonne and everyone,
I’ve also had a very upsetting day, my daughter had to come over as I was crying hysterically on the phone. I kept saying I was afraid and I couldn’t go on anymore, I’ve been feeling so ill. She keeps saying it’s a normal part of grieving, it’s been just over 2 months since I lost Jack. I can’t do anything, I’ve lost interest in the television, I don’t want much to eat, I also had a ready meal. I still don’t sleep every night, I dread going to bed. It’s so frightening being here all alone, like so many others, it was just the two of us. I don’t think it’s getting any easier, the misery just stays the same, I’m sorry too for being so negative. So many of you can understand, sharing this does help. Thinking of everyone
Janet X
Hi Janet
I’m so sorry for the distress you are going through I’m sending you a big hug
Lily
Hi Janet
Big hugs to you.
Unfortunately I’m unable to give you pearls of wisdom or amazing advice I don’t seem to be able to give myself any at the moment. All I can say is your not alone and take it one day at a time. I don’t know if it gets easier with time I’m not there yet but I’m hoping there’s going to be I a time when I wake up and it all hurts a little less.
My thoughts are with you and the many others missing there loved one xx
Hi Lily & Chelle
Thank you for thinking of me, I hope tomorrow will be better. I’ll try to go to bed soon, it’s always the same every night, I hardly sleep. I always keep the light on, I can’t be in the dark anymore. I’ll be thinking of you and everyone here on this site. Big hugs
Janet X
I have just lost my husband also I can understand how you feel I’m in the same situation it is hard I can’t talk to family either I am hoping this site will help us both xx
Hi Twilight
You have come to the right place. Everyone here understands what you are going through. I lost my husband (Geoff) unexpectedly in October. He died in his sleep.
There was no warning at all. It has been a real rollercoaster of emotions. I too have found that family are not the best people to talk to. They just want us to get ‘back to normal’. Posting on here really helps especially when you are having a bad day.
Someone will always respond.
Yvonne
My husband death was sudden he died of a heart attack he was 59 I am not coping at all everyone said they would be here for me but they r not I don’t have anyone to talk to the trouble is also my husband died at home in the bathroom I was with him doing cpr but the things I saw and heard is still staying with me I have not told family about it
So very sorry for your loss I shouldn’t think you are coping at the moment yes people say they are here for you but you don’t see anyone, I had been married 56 years and my Husband had never been ill so I’m struggling to come to terms with it and I pray a lot for God to give me strength to get through each day and it helps, Love and hugs Pammi xx
Hi Twilight
You have to find someone to talk to. Maybe family are not the best because they can’t deal with your pain and don’t know what to say apart from the usual platitudes - be strong, time heals, your husband wouldn’t want you to be like this etc.
One of the things that helpd me was a book called Grief Recovery by John James.
There are exercises to work through. Another thing was finding a therapist. Some people have bereavement counselling but that wasn’t for me. I got fed up going over my story and talking about it wasn’t going to change anything. The lady I see now is a hypnotherapist. She has given me lots of techniques to calm me when I am feeling panicked, fearful or stressed. I now do meditation and hypnosis using You Tube videos and I find they do help. I am also using them now to stop me procrastinating and to motivate me to get on with things. It really is a case of finding what works for you. I no longer have flashbacks to ‘that day’ and am actually able to enjoy my memories without feeling pain.
Sending you my best wishes - I hope you find the help you need.
Yvonne
Dear Twilight,
You really do need someone to talk to and not family. Is there a local bereavement service? Have you a hospice in your town? They can usually point you in the right direction.
I know what you mean about the horror of the final moments. It’s an image you can’t erase and you keep going over it. You can ‘speak’ here and be sure of a sympathetic response. We are all suffering and no one should expect you ‘get over it’.
I cry every day at the smallest things and it’s not getting easier but at least I know I’m not alone here,
Hugs, TillyC
Hi twilight
I am so sorry for your loss as everyone has said coming on the forum will help as we are all here for each other I have had some horrendous days and nights like everyone else and I come on and let it all out and will always get a answer and that is a massive help and so lovely.
Please keep coming on and letting it out it does help sending you a massive hug thinking of everyone on the forum.
Lily
Hi Twilight my husband was 65 he went out with the dog and had a cardiac arrest. It’s a terrible shock. I’m hoping to start some counselling soon. I’ve no family apart from my son with aspergers and my sister who lives miles away and doesn’t understand at all. My friend who lost her husband two years ago has been brilliant.
Sorry to hear of your loss Frances it is a terrible shock indeed it was so sudden for both of them I do have a son and family close by but you can’t talk to them about some things so it is nice to speak to other people in the same situation as me I hope the counselling will help you I m a good listener also take care x
Twilight. Your recollection of the passing of your Husband makes me want to reach out to you as I have an idea of how you are suffering. My Husband was sent home on End of Life care with weeks to live but these ‘weeks’ turned into just hours as he had a cardiac arrest whilst I was with him alone and I just couldn’t comprehend what was happening. He was a Heart Failure Patient. I witnessed the final moments and they’ve been on my mind a lot recently. I truly empathise with you. I lost my Husband 16 months ago and the sorrow seems to be getting heavier. To everyone else, I convey all the compassionate thoughts possible because we are all thinking and feeling similar things and it’s so very, very hard.
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Tina very sorry for your loss. My husband lived for 3 days after his arrest but they said his heart was too damaged to go to ICU. I insisted he went to a hospice. I don’t really want to go on without him. I miss him so much. The only consultation is that he never regained consciousness so at least he didn’t suffer.xx
FrancesHazel. Hello, That must have been such an awful and traumatic shock for you, I’m really sorry. My Husband had his Heart Attack in Jan 16. New Year’s Day. It was a massive one but with few symptoms. He had a stent on admission to hospital but as with your Husband the damage was immense and he had to endure congestive heart failure for a further 10 months before the condition beat him. The symptoms were often horrendous and it was hard to see him suffer. It’s like you say, your Husband didn’t suffer and you were both spared that heartache. I sometimes think would it have been better if my Husband hadn’t have made it either to go through what he did. Whichever the outcome its such a crying shame isn’t it for us and our Husbands. My Husband was 71 and I was 51. I know my reply to you isn’t helpful but I wanted to acknowledge your pain and distress. It’s over a year for me and I feel so tired from constantly wishing my reality was different. Accept all the help you can get and don’t suffer in silence as I did. I used to be so annoyed when well-intentioned people would say “take it a day at a time”, but really it’s the best and only advice available to us. Even if it’s minute by minute. Thinking of you.
Hi Tina thank you replying to me it’s nice to finally talk to some one about it who has been through it also and can understand it has been so hard to tell anyone about the last moment the images are still haunting me I just don’t know how to get them out of my head but I don’t feel so alone now I have come on here as so many ladies have gone through the same as me it has been comforting to talk to you and everyone else thank you x
Thank you all ladies it’s so helpful to talk to people who understand . My mother had severe congestive heart failure so I know how horrible that is Tina.I’m sorry your husband had to battle with that. I think taking one day at a time must be the only way because I can’t think ahead much at the moment. My friend who lost her husband two years ago said that the worst of the pain has eased although the pain is still there. I’m going to a bereavement group on Thursday so that might help. I hope you all can get some support too xx