Dear Romy,
Please don’t do that. You have been posting on here for a while and it is both sad and unnecessary for anyone to leave. Please read my post about why I am grateful Sheila posted what she did. I wouldn’t normally share that information about my health on an open forum except that it seemed relevant. Everybody should be able and welcome to post what they want and maybe Sheila and Sandra felt they had put their heads over the parapet too. Please just live and let live - maybe literally.
Jacqi xx
Dear Jacqi
I know you havent been well for a few days
and youre mostly on your own.
This technology will be ideal for you.
You hardly know its there but it could be a lifesaver.
Now we are all alone and frightened any help and advice is positive.
I know its recently hit home with me that I am vulnerable now.
Im on my own most of the time wheras before Phil was there if I became ill for example.
Sometimes I can be lying inbed thinking what if Im taken ill in the night.
Theres nobody to help me.
Thats why I got the bluetooth headset. It gives me peace of mind apart from its other advantages.
Im glad we could help you
Love Sandra xx
Dear Jacqi I know you havent been well for a few days.
I know youre mostly on your own so this bluetooth earpiece is perfect for you.
You barely know its there yet it could be a lifesaver
When Sheila mentioned them I hadnt realised how useful they could be.
I agree with you f if just a little advice like this can be shared on this forum surely thats a positive thing
Love Sandra xx
Dear Romy,
I hope you don’t leave the site. I don’t post a lot but I always read them, along with Yorkshire lads posts yours are the ones I like reading most.
They are always thoughtful and insightful. In examining your own feelings and reflecting on them it helps me to evaluate mine. We lost our husbands around the same time I believe, mine mid July last year.
Reading your posts has always given me the impression you are a kind , caring person who though grieving still gives great thought to family, friends and those who post here. I hope you might rethink your decision, I think many posters will feel the same
Take care.
Xx
1 Like
Dear Sheila I am with Jacqi. I know you decided enough is enough but really why should you.?
Your posts are a pleasure to read and youre an asset to the forum
I know we can private message but a lot of people will miss out if you leave.
Love Sandra xx
Hi everyone,
I’ve had a number of reports of posts in this thread so I’m going to lock it temporarily just while I respond to everyone. I’ll open it again soon so you can continue your conversations.
Just a reminder that this is a safe, supportive and non-judgmental site, so please be kind to one another. I know this thread in particular has been a life-line for many of you - and for many more who read it and don’t post - and I would like to keep it open for you all to continue talking.
If you have any questions or concerns please send me an email: online.community@sueryder.org and I’ll be back with an update shortly.
Best wishes,
Eleanor
Hi again everyone,
I’ve re-opened this thread now so you can continue your conversations.
I know how important this thread is to many of you so I would like to keep it open, but I will continue to monitor it closely. As I said before, this thread is such a supportive area of the community and many people turn to it for support, even if they’re not posting themselves.
Just a reminder that our community guidelines can be found here and if you see anything that goes against these, please click the ‘report’ button at the bottom of the post or contact me by email (online.community@sueryder.org).
We offer a private message function in the community and if you’d like to send someone a message you can do so via the ‘messages’ tab in your profile, or by clicking the little envelope icon next to their username. Again, if you have any questions about how these work just send me an email and I’d be happy to help out.
Thanks everyone for your support. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to send me an email.
Take care,
Eleanor
Hi Romy
I like reading your posts. You and Mark are the same age as me and my Ian. They also passed around the same time so I like to know how you are getting on. Please stay with us
Julie xx
H June I have problems with my neighbour about all the pigeons he is feeding the mess on washing ,car, and the roof of the house is terrible I spoke nicely to him as he has always been okay or so I thought but got a attitude that’s to bad and no help at all when I lost John a year and a half ago they were if there’s anything we can do
to help but it is just words I stood up to him as well as you say you get stronger and you have to be do some people think they can do what they like because we are on our own,he would not have spoken to John like that it does not get any easier but as I said to him what goes around comes around.
I hate the weekends as well always feel down but just have to get on with it.
Take care
Brenda
Hi Brenda - weekends are a challenge - what I understand from people that list their partners we have to try to organise the weekends as much as possible!
Take care sadie
Hi Romy, I always find it easy to identify with your posts. We lost our husband’s around the same time and seem to be experiencing the same feelings as time goes on. I will be very sad if you were to stop posting.This is a forum for sharing feelings and supporting each other, so keep going as you have been .luv Toria.
My neighbour feeds the seagulls every morning about 7am. She does B&B and chucks out what I assume is the stale bread. They wheel about screaming and sit on the roof cackling loudly. I tend to waken about 4 or 5 am and drop off again for an hour or so about 6, so it wakes me up again. Like pigeons they make a lot of mess.
Jacqi
Good morning everyone!
Hope everyone managed to sleep well ! I think if I slep well it would make such a difference in my life.
Wishing you all a hood day
Sadie xx
Good morning,
What a night!
Decided to try to sleep without taking a sleeping pill as I never actually slept through. Didn’t fall asleep until well after 2.30am, woke at 3.45 angry and sweating. Alan was with me during my dream state, then when my back was turned he disappeared, after running around this big room looking for him, i was eventually told he’d left me and gone off with his cousin Steven, I became very angry with him for leaving me, the more I frantically looked for him, the angrier I became, then I woke, still very angry and sweating. Eventually I must have fallen asleep again and Alan came back to me, but wouldn’t tell me why he left or where he’d been, I got angry again because he’d left me to go with his cousin who had never even phoned to see how I was after Alan had passed, Alan still didn’t tell me, I was getting agitated, then he calmly said… I had to leave you for a time, I’m back now, I asked him to promise he’d never leave me again, he just replied… I kept my last promise to you and I’ve always kept my promises to you. I woke again, looked at the clock, it was 5.15 am and feeling confused at first. I drifted off again around half an hour later and found myself in a room full of baby animals, as I was closing the door after leaving, I felt something on my shoulder, a huge spider, by this time I was wearing my thick towelling bath robe, so I tried to keep it on my sleeve as I went to put it back on its branch, I got to the branch and felt these almighty stings, i forced this thing off me, but not before it had made 5 incisions in my forefinger and i could see the raw flesh when i looked down. I ran out and held my finger under running cold water, woke in another sweat but still feeling this stinging, looked down but no incisions yet my finger was still stinging.
When I was fully awake I wrote all this in my journal to Alan to try to make sense of it all, the thoughts he gave me made everything clear to me,
Not once have I directed my anger towards Alan for leaving me, but I did overnight,
I have been angry with his cousin for not getting in touch since Alan’s funeral, Alan has always told me 'it’s our Stevie, he’s always like that ’
Then I was really puzzled by the significance of the spider, it was only when I was writing about it to Alan in my journal and I wrote 'black widow ’ I huge thought bolted into my mind… this was a clear message from Alan, to start being myself again and stop being the ‘black widow’. I cried buckets when I realised the significance of the whole night’s visitation.
I thought I’d share this with you all, perhaps some of you have had dreams so vivid they’ve preyed on your mind. This was preying on mine until I wrote it all down, once everything became clear to me, I stopped trying to analyse it further.
Hope you all have as good a day as possible. I’ve a few things to do today then off yo see my mum in hospital, she wasn’t very well last night, so I’ll phone presently to get an update.
Blessings
Jen☆
Hi Jen
How vivid was your dream
I wished Jack visited me in my dreams
I also started writing to him but then I stopped it - not sure why I stopped it!!
I went to a bereavement counsellor on Monday and since then if anything I feel more numb -
Hope you have a good day
Sadie x
Dear Jacqi people who feed gulls have a lot to answer for.
We were coming out of M & S in Inverness last week. Had bought some sandwiches.
I commented to my daughyer that there were a lot of gulls around.
She had started eating her sandwich when one swooped down and took the whole thing.
They are a big heavy bird and it did shock her.
We laughed about it at the time but its only people feeding them thats caused this.
They must have good taste ,it was M & S prawn.lol
Dont know why theyre still called herring gulls any more.
Love Sandra xx
Sandra, I’m sorry that happened to your daughter in my town.The council are always pleading with people not to feed the gulls as they really are a menace. Iain’s father, who was a vet, called them flying rats as they spread disease. The pigeons are as bad but these birds are protected which is crazy.
Hope you have a good day today
Love Jacqi xx
Hi Sandra/Maryjane
We have a problem here where people keep feeding the Red Kites
Because they are feeding them they are not spreading over the country which is what they want them to do
Such a beautiful bird, because of these people they are going to have to gull them. Such a shame
They are now also stealing from people and they have a wing span of five foot
Why won’t people do as asked it’s for the birds well being.
Your comment about flying rats reminded me of my hubby he used to call pigeons flying rats
Love June E
Dear JenIt’s strange how our feelings come out in our dreams and some of your dream sounds perfectly logical. Not sure about the spider though! I don’t think black widows are that big. I wonder what caused the stinging?
It’s nice that you have such vivid dreams of Alan. I don’t dream but wish I could dream of Iain. I feel he has totally left me and I feel so alone.
Last night it was cold when I got into bed so I switched my electric blanket on for a couple of minutes. I fell asleep and woke up at 2.45am absolutely boiling hot and the bed was roasting. I had forgotten to turn off the blanket and am so thankful it didn’t burst into flames. I couldn’t get rid of the heat and spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. I promise myself I will never do that again - it was scary.
Dear Jen It’s strange how our feelings come out in our dreams and some of your dream sounds perfectly logical. Not sure about the spider though! I don’t think black widows are that big. I wonder what caused the stinging?
It’s nice that you have such vivid dreams of Alan. I don’t dream but wish I could dream of Iain. I feel he has totally left me and I feel so alone.
Last night it was cold when I got into bed so I switched my electric blanket on for a couple of minutes. I fell asleep and woke up at 2.45am absolutely boiling hot and the bed was roasting. I had forgotten to turn off the blanket and am so thankful it didn’t burst into flames. I couldn’t get rid of the heat and spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. I promise myself I will never do that again - it was scary.
Hope your Mum is better xx