Panic attacks are very frightening
I used to feel like I couldn’t breathe after my husband died suddenly last year
I think it was the shock
Like you loads of appliances broke down
I’ve never spent so much money fixing and replacing stuff
Every time something happened we said …that’s Mark …sending us a message
We have a business too …a garage…and everything that could go wrong did
I have never been spiritual before but I do believe his energy was flying around everywhere soon after he died
I might sound blasé about what happened now but this grief journey has turned me inside out trying to get my head around what happened and dealing with the grief every day
It changes you
You will survive but it is so tough so please keep posting on here . Someone will always reply and it really does help
Hi Sue,
So much of what you say reminds me of the ‘fug’ that enveloped me after Paul died. I couldn’t even say the word ‘died ‘, it all seemed so unreal.
The counsellor I saw said that the brain shuts down when it can’t cope and only allows you to do what is really necessary, but gradually sense will return when you slowly adjust.
Others on here have different ways managing. You must do what you can and rest in between. I don’t cook at all but live quite healthily on M and S or Morrison’s ready meals, yogurt and fruit. Having to prepare food just reminds me of my previous life so I don’t do it!
The panic attacks are very familiar, especially faced with things breaking down and computer technology. Paul did all that. I admit I’ve played the ‘old lady card’ ( I’m 69!) and banks, solicitors, and all those frightening people at BT, gas, electric, water, Council that you have to phone, are generally more helpful.
All those tiny things that seem so overwhelming when they go wrong, are exhausting when you’re on your own, aren’t they.
Do you have a hobby that might give you a few minutes respite from the awful bleakness? I find art relaxing, although I’m not good, and jigsaw puzzles relax me.
Weekends can be a problem, as everyone seems to have family and we don’t want to interfere but try and plan something to do, even if it’s just a walk or visit to the library, if you still have one.
Tell us here how you’re getting on and what your fears are and any achievements, however small.
Yes the no family, the no neighbours that pop in to check on us…the now loneliness, the emptiness, the isolation, the silence,…this is our life we never envisaged coming…I too am experiencing this all…
Good to hear from you. I have been out all day and spoke to one person back home now on my own. It’s a quite life now ah! I have never been a loner and find it so very very difficult. You don’t live in London by any chance ah! If you did maybe we could meet for a coffee sometime. keep messaging and Take care Sue
Good to hear from you. I have been out all day and spoke to one person back home now on my own. It’s a quite life now ah! I have never been a loner and find it so very very difficult. You don’t live in London by any chance ah! If you did maybe we could meet for a coffee sometime. keep messaging and Take care Sue
Sue…no I am now living in Dorset, more the Weymouth - Dorchester end…previously living in Bedfordshire - Hertfordshire…I see you are in Surrey…another lovely place to be living in…of course without our partners-hybbys or wives it wouldn’t matter where we were living would it? would still be a lonely place…
Dear Sue, I’m sorry you are going through this awfulness on your own and know exactly how you feel. It’s been 11 months minus 3 days since my lovely husband died and scarcely a minute goes by without me thinking of him and yearning for his company. I know how lonely it is when you are alone in the world and have no-one to talk to but I have found the ladies at the Silver Line 0800 470 80 90 to be very helpful and you will get an answer 24/7, although the phone may ring a few minutes until an advisor becomes available at busy times. If you have the chance to get counselling then take it as having someone to talk to face to face about your loss and how you are or are not coping is comforting. Hugs
Hi Romy
Good to hear your story. Like you said it does help to get messages from people who are going through bad times. You feel that there are others out there.
Sounds like you have have a few problems along the line like me.
I am sure Mike has been sending me a message, Silly I know but you never know!
Hope he is sending me a message as miss him so very very much. Hate this life.
Feel so lonely, just existing ,
Take good care, keep in touch Love Suex
Hello Chris
I really enjoyed reading your message and thank you so much for that.
Like you say, weekend as so lonely as everyone has family and I don’t want to be a burden to friends. Mike done all the bills etc in the past and I have had to learn quickly to deal with all the paperwork. So many things keep going wrong. I now have problems with my car which is my lifeline as I have a house in Hampshire which is on the market and I do need to get to it,
Sounds like you are being very brave.
I use to be a strong person myself but losing Mike has really knocked me for 6. I am just existing at the moment and can’t see a light!
I lost over 2 stone and haven’t put any on yet. I do eat when I am with people but indoors alone just don’t fancy anything. Tonight I had a taste the difference Meal after two attempts to eat it that was enough.
I just hope things get better in time and that I can live again. Hate this life, hate being so lonely.
Once again thank you so much for your words. keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on ah!
Love Sue
Hi, So you live in Dorset, lovely place but like you say anywhere is lonely. We miss our
love ones so much ah! I never thought I would feel this bad after Mike death. I don’t think I will ever get over it. I have never been a loner like being with people but spending so much time on my own is killing me.
Look after yourself and keep messaging if you can it helps me hope it helps you. Sue
Thank you for your words,
Knowing that there are others out there in the same or similar boat to me helps. Thank you. I have had two sessions of therapy we do breathing exercises. I don’t think the therapy will help me too much but I will go to the other three sessions anyway.
What is the “Silver Line” I have never heard of that before.
Take good care Love Sue
Hi Sue
I hope you are feeling OK today and managed to sleep last night.
Esther Rantzen started Childline and then realised that there are so many older people who are on their own after losing partners and family so she started the Silver Line. It is “manned” by volunteers and the lines are open continuously whereas many support lines are not open on evening and weekends - the very times when loneliness strikes the hardest. https://www.thesilverline.org.uk
Just talking to one of their volunteers is a help.
I don’t know anything about your bereavement but my husband died of cancer in a Hospice. My counsellor works with the hospice which offers counselling - no breathing exercises but you are free to talk, to cry, whatever you need and he talks you through problems, whatever they are. Sometimes you don’t want to burden friends or maybe don’t have anyone close but still need to talk.
I hope today will be better for knowing there are many on here who can share what you are going through. xxx
Morning
Hope you are all ok.
Managed to get a couple of hours sleep last night thank you. Hope you got some sleep too. Thank you for the information about “Silver Line” It is so good to know about these help lines etc as being on your own it gives you a bit of security knowing people are out there. Thank you again Love Sue
Hi,
200 days to-date, since i lost my loving and darling husband (almost 6 months 3weeks). He was the love of my life and my world. There isn’t a moment without me, thinking of him and yearning for his company, missing his voice and his love . Like some of you i dont want to be a burden to the few family members i have and, who have been wonderfull but also have their own lives to live. i am learning, wrongly maybe, that this pain is very much “private” now. Outside, i show that I am coping, but my heart is always crying and will be for a long long time or for ever.
I am so sorry that so many of us are going through such hurt. This reflects on the deep love we had/have with our partners.
Counselling, although may not be for everybody, i have been lucky and has been good for me. If anyine can try please do.
It will never be a cure for our pain, but hope we can all pull through and see some light along this journey. Wish everyone the very best.
Xx
Hi Sue, glad you slept a bit.
Although I’m 18 months on, the fear and insecurity are still very real, I can well imagine some of how you feel. and the only comfort I can offer is that your confidence will improve and coping will get a bit easier, although getting through each day , at the moment, is probably the best you can do.
Don’t push yourself, do only what you want to. I know some people find keeping busy is best but everyone is different and you’ll find what suits you.
Did your husband do the finances? Is that a worry? Do you have a friend who can help with the practical things? Take any help offered because people soon think you’re ‘feeling better ‘, when actually, you’re struggling.
I feel like you a bit now …that I have to keep my grief to myself not to upset others
I had a dream last night that my husband had been away on a course and that he was coming home this afternoon…and then I woke up …and the horror of my current situation hit home again
But I haven’t told anyone because they are upset and missing my husband too
It’s a crap situation and very difficult to manage on an everyday basis because we still have to do everyday stuff . Life doesn’t stop for us just because our favourite person in the world has died
Hi Tilly like you I am 18 months down the line but still floundering . Some days ok then some not. It’s the loneliness that gets me, the laughs we had and someone there that really cares . I’m not saying that my family don’t care but it’s a different kind of caring isn’t it? And we want to appear that we are getting on because we don’t want them worrying about us.
My best friend is going through a terrible time at the moment with her husband who has prostate cancer which has gone to his bones and he’s really not well and in a lot of pain. I am trying to be supportive but what positives can I say other than listening and offering help if needed. I feel for her because I had two years of sitting on the fence with my husbands condition so I know exactly what she’s going through and what the outcome will be, whenever it will be.
I don’t know about anybody else but sometimes I need to be busy so that I am tired when I go to bed, but then today I just want to take it steady. When my husband first died I had to have the tv on in one room and radio in the kitchen . Today I’m quite happy to have silence whilst I paint or read or go on the iPad. I like company and have always liked a good laugh and a banter, but I have found to my own amazement that there are some people that I want to avoid as they are depressing and moan about their lot, their husbands, and other things.
This site is such inspiration and truly shows the love we have for our partners who have gone to much more wondeful place.
I lost my Ron in August only 43 years old very suddenly like you all he was my world soul mate and the thought of never seeing his smile tares me apart. It’s his birthday on 22 June thenhis first anniversary of his passing on 4 August these Ne t six weeks is going be so emotional. I miss him every second of every day.
Hi De
How brave you are.
As you say, on the outside it looks like we are coping but inside we are dying, well I am anyway. I hate this lonely life each day gets worse. I have no family and all alone. I have some good friends but I have never been a loner and hate it. I know where I want to be!
I am just existing day by day.
Sorry to be down and moany but it is difficult to be happy these days. I do try when I am with friends. I was always a strong person but this has knocked me for 6 and I a weak. Keep strong De take care. Sue
Hi Chris
Thank you for your kind words.
Like you say I am just existing at the moment day by day.
My husband done all the finances but I have been trying to sort things out.
Everything has broken, blown up or gone wrong since my husband died and keep saying I am sure he is sending me a message.
I feel so alone most of the time. Not having family it is so lonely. Really hate this life and just hope things get better in time. I have my house on the market at the moment so that’s a headache.
I have lovely friends but they have their own families etc and don’t want to be a burden.
How are you coping? what is your secret?
Take care suex