Hi. Michelleb. When my wife died it was a matter of weeks before I had a visit from someone from DWP to have a chat about my circumstances. The guy was very considerate and helpful. Three weeks later I had an assessment letter which began, ‘As your wife is still receiving a pension, we are taking your wife’s pension into account and hereby enclosed new assessment’. I had a visit and then I get that. It was emotionally upsetting. Finally, another letter arrived correcting the previous one. No apology or any form of regret. The bureaucratic mind at work! It can be heart breaking to have to go through all that when you are in such a rotten place. Is there no one who can put together an assessment with just a few words of condolence? The bank was the same. No mistakes, but the usual business like approach. Help with your finances? How much would that cost? Where has all the sympathy gone let alone empathy.
Thank you all so much for your replies … people on the other end of the phone and those that don’t know what it’s like to go through what we have Indy have very little empathy … they don’t care that your struggling they don’t know you and most don’t want to … one size fits all when it comes to owing money and the fact you are grieve does not matter to them … I know my names were on things as well and ok I have to pay it back but a little understanding would go along way … it’s so embarrassing talking about money … my dad and partner paid for me and the kids to go away we knew nothing about it … ( next week ) it will be Father’s Day and Gary’s birthday so my dad wanted us to get away … u should have heard the woman when I told her I was going away even tho I was not paying … she did not look happy …
love to you all
Ps thank you kay package for Oliver and Scarlett they will love it and appreciated so so much x
I lost my husband Peter 17th May, we were childhood sweethearts from school. He was such a lovely man, and my heart aches for him, and l just do not know how l can take another day without him. He was my life. Please help
Hi I’m so sorry I know exactly what your going through I lost my husband in August last year he was 43 and you feel lost in despair but it does get easier. My life seemed to have ended without him we were inseparable. Why these things happen I’m not sure. I can’t seem to function just exist.
Dawn x
Hi I’m so sorry I know exactly what your going through I lost my husband in August last year he was 43 and you feel lost in despair but it does get easier. My life seemed to have ended without him we were inseparable. Why these things happen I’m not sure. I can’t seem to function just exist.
Dawn x
I lost my husband suddenly on 7 May - my heart aches for my Gary too. We had been together for 40 years - we were not childhood sweethearts but I had been with him since he was 20. This is so hard - but you will find support on these forums as we are all going through the same awful time. I cannot yet contemplate the future but so many on here have offered encouragement and suggested ways to cope.
Take care.
Trisha xx
I am so sorry for your loss and heartache, I lost the love of my life 20 weeks ago after 48 years together, you will find lots of help on this forum from people going through the same as you, grief affects everone differently and we all react differently, always do what feels right for you accept all the help you can from family and friends, after 2 weeks of losing my husband, I felt bereft and desolate, but five months on I am slowly finding my way through, I know my heart will never sing again but I hope to find some joy in life again, keep reading posts and you will find so many people to support you and help you through, even if you just need a good rant. Take care x
My lovely In reality no one can give us the help we want - we want to feel better , we want our husband back in our lives . It doesn’t mater how much we cry and hurt nothing will bring them back it is a journey
we have to do by our selves.
However you may find this forum a blessing. You can say what you want the we will understand you and will listen to you!!
Sadie x
I am so sorry too for the loss of your husband. We too were inseparable.
I’m very sorry about what you are going through after losing your husband Peter .
We will all try to help you . Keep posting on here . We understand
Love Romy xxxxx
Thank you all for support and advice. I am new to this forum, and l am so grateful that l have found it
Where have you been Romy? Are you ok?
Today after my cross fit class, for the first time in a very long time I felt content!! Exercise helps - the feels NH didn’t last long but it was nice
Safie xx
Hi babes . I have been on here but on a different thread …the dream is over one
I’m trucking on . I’m glad your pain has gone and you can exercise again . It does help …like me when I go walking the dogs everyday . I feel better for a bit after it
Will try to keep up with this thread too cos haven’t recently
Sending much love
Romy xxxxx
So sorry for the loss if your love, it was 12 months on 19th May since my husband of 50 years passed away. We too were together since I was 15, it is a very hard road we now travel, some days it does seem to be getting easier, then without warning everything feels very raw again.
It is still very very raw for you but you will find a lot of support and understanding from everyone on here. We’re all travelling the same road, many at different stages, but the journey is the same enforced and unwanted journey that not one if us wanted to make.
Posting on here really does help and there will always be someone to respond, helping you through this dense thick fog you find yourself in. Grieving had no time limits and we get through the best we can.
Take care
Blessings
Jen☆
it is so painful that you feel like you have an illness and there is nothing worse than losing the love of your life. My husband died suddenly and without warning and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Ever since it has been a painful and sad, lonely life but 15 months down the journey I am learning to get by day by day and so will you and the intensity you feel now will come in waves with good days and bad days.
What I am trying to say and I hope not badly is that what you are going through at this moment will start to ease over the months although you will still cry, feel down and never stop loving your lovely Peter it wont be constant stopping you doing anything. Let friends and family help and chat a lot about your husband helps you feel he is still around. I talk to my darling husband all the time and it helps me to feel his presence and I know from this forum that others do too.
Nothing will take away the pain - so sorry…
Rosa
So pleased you up and around again. Your so right, exercise really does help. Whilst I might be in tears as I walk with the dogs, or work on our allotments, or I have even cried at the gym in the long run it really has helped me.
Pat xx
Hi
Sorry to hear your sad news. My husband died in January too and like you I am finding it impossible to adjust. I hate this life and being alone with no family it is difficult. If you feel like chatting just contact me we can message each other which I find really helps.
Take care my friend Sue
Hello Mrs HLB
So sorry to hear your sad loss. I too lost my husband in January after 42 years together. I am really struggling too and feel so alone as have no family. Got some good friends but often feel very sad and alone. Here if you want to chat , just contact. Take care Suex
Hi,
I’m so sorry for your loss. We all share your pain but everyone is different and ignore people that say they know how you feel; they can’t.
You can post on here any time and we are all listening. Tell us about your husband and what happened. My husband died 18 months ago and it’s all still raw. All we can say is that, over time, you will feel differently and gain a bit of strength to cope. At present, be kind to yourself and don’t try and be ‘better ‘ when people ask.
I also have no family and it can feel desperately lonely.
Have you anyone you can talk to? A counsellor may help. Don’t expect to feel OK, just get through each day and you will have achieved a lot.
Are you sleeping? and eating?
Only do what you have to and to hell with everything else.
Take care, love and hugs, Chris
Hi Chris,
Thank you for the message, Good to hear from you. It really helps to hear from people as like you no family and very very lonely. I seem to just exist at the moment. I have lovely friends but they all have families etc and I can’t expect them to bother about me all the time.
I don’t sleep much as get the panic attacks. I eat when I am with friends but indoors alone I just don’t fancy anything. I do cook but have a couple of mouthfuls and thats the lot. Lost about 2 stone.
Since Mike died everything keeps going wrong the little things are all big things to me. Two days after Mike died my emersion heater blew up. My iron blew, my curling tongs packed up, all the items I bought for a revamped flat went wrong. I lost my car keys, the list is endless. I am sure Mike was sending me a message!!!
Do keep in touch as I really enjoyed reading your message.
Thank you again
Take care Love Suex