It is scary Pat. My hubby always did take my breath away. Seems he can still do that now 
x
It is scary Pat. My hubby always did take my breath away. Seems he can still do that now x
You certainly are permitted a hug. I’m feeling a bit fed up today. I managed to get to my allotment to pick dinner but had to walk slowly because of this breathlessness and then it poured with rain while I was there and we (me and dogs) got soaked.
I think I need to change GP as it’s difficult to see the same Dr. seems to be locums. An appointment is difficult to obtain. A test was done on heart when I went in March and all I heard was a mumbled “Well that’s all right,. but your blood pressure is up”. Well what do they expect in the circumstances. I refused medication preferring to try myself. I had been eating rubbish since losing Brian… Cardiology at the hospital didn’t seem to think I was worth bothering with.
I agree why some of them bothered to be doctors I can’t imagine. I lost all faith when Brian was ill.
All the best Pat xxx
Hi Pat. Good to hear from you again. Try to just accept the breathlessness, it will pass. I wake up feeling fed up every day. But as the day progresses it does improve.
If you can manage without medication then good for you, but don’t suffer unnecessarily if some mild medication helps. I have mixed feelings about meds, but it’s an individual decision. We are lucky. (My goodness, see how the WE creeps in still)! I am lucky in that I have a GP to whom I am referred unless it’s an emergency, so that I can get to know her and she me.
Rain, the gloomy weather, all add to our low feelings. It sometimes seems as if everything goes wrong. But in good times did those things bother us? The world is like a mirror of our emotions. We so often can only see the bad things when there are so many good things. But when in the hole of ‘the dumps’,(what a good expression!), it’s very difficult to climb out.
In the book by John Bunyan, ‘The Pilgrim’s Progress’ there is an account of the hero, Christian falling foul of giant Despair. He was locked up in Doubting Castle for a long time with his companion Faithful. One day he felt in his breast pocket and found a key called ‘Hope’ which opened all the doors in Doubting Castle. It’s there you know. Most of us can’t find it at once, but we all have it. Blessings to you Pat, and may your fedupness, (if there is such a word), be short lived. Good. Hugs!
Thank you so much Jonathan for your reply, you always manage to cheer me up.
Everything a little out of the ordinary does seem to treble any worries we might have.
I like the story of Doubting Castle, I am hanging onto my hope for a future everyday but when I feel so helpless with not being able to be my usual active person then I go downhill fast. Not used to such feelings. Brian used to say that if there was ever anything wrong with me (sickness) he would take me to the nearest motorway and drop me off somewhere. He knew how irritable I am when not feeling too well. However as there are no motorways near us he would have had to drive me a long way to get rid of me.
Hugs Pat xxx
Listen to your body Pat. You’re probably breathless because you need to rest a while. That can be your body’s way of telling you. Rest doesn’t mean complete immobility it means slow down, do all that you do still, but at a lesser pace. You cannot possibly continue at the speed you’re. You’ll run out of fuel eventually and then you’ll have to stop altogether. You won’t have a choice. You have a choice now. Slow down. ‘Bull in a china shop’ springs to mind and you know whose words those are better than I do. You do yourself no favours by attacking everything at break neck speed. Drop down a gear for a while…don’t be afraid of taking in the view, it’s good for the soul and, it’ll give your Brian a chance to catch up with you in more ways than one.
Love to you x
Dear Pattidot Like you I lost my Dave after being together over 52yrs it has been 8mth 2wks. I also went to the doctor because I was getting out of breath and had really bad back pain also my stomach was constantly upset. I had blood test taken and everything come back normal. After the test my back no longer hurts and I am back to walking etc., Altough today I tried to work in the garden which Dave and I used to do gather. I find I was out of breath. I really think it is because we are grieving and our bodies are just trying to adapt to the new way of life. Lots of Hugs Queenie
Thanks for that. I never did know how to keep still. I have to be doing something. Brian was always asking me why I had to be doing things all the time. It’s still worrying though. Suppose don’t want to accept that getting older. Both my mother and father had heart problems and I have often wondered if it would ever get me. So far so good but you still feel a bit paranoid. Love Pat xxx
Thanks Queenie. I really am a terrible person if something isn’t right with me. I haven’t been really ill in my life and I feel so useless when taking the dogs out and becoming breathless and some pain. However the doctor not hospital didn’t seem too bothered but I think back to when my father was alive and started having chest pains. He was told it was indigestion and then they found out he had had four heart attacks. I know that was years ago but it doesn’t fill you with confidence.
You never think that grief is going to cause so many problems do you. I just never realised !!! Pat xxx
hi Pattidot Like you I have been out every day since losing Dave and my friends and family keep telling me to slow down. I think we do it because we don’t have time to think. Maybe we will in time slow down but we need to do things at our own pace at present. I am surprised your doc. has recommended you for a check up, worrying about what might happen to you will not help. Remember the worse thing ever has already happened Brian is not there to support so I am sure anything you have to face know cannot be any worse then losing Brian. Lots of Hugs Queenie
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WOW! Pat, now there’s a thought!! Motorways. There are a lot of people I have met recently that I would love to dump on the motorway. Sorry, being unkind, but you know what I mean. I live within a quarter of a mile from the M20 so it would be easy for me. Now when I cross the motorway I will think of you. Hugs.
Pat, maybe you been breathless more to do with stress and grief . Maybe when you get a new doctor he can help you more!
Would you consider antidepressant?
Sadie xx
Sadie xx
Dear Pat , there is a common denominator between us all - as we grieve we are nearly all having problems. These health problems are varied but they are there
I am a healthy woman never will but in the past 8 months I had lung x rays due to a cough that wouldn’t move away, I started wheezing , had hip problems and back problems - and I know that when I am emotionally stronger it will all pass!!
As Jonathan said a mild medics will help you
Take care
Sadie xx
Well that’s nice !!! So you can visualise me being dumped on a motorway. I think I deserve a hug after that. Pat xxx
Thanks Sadie. Comes as a shock to the system to suddenly find yourself vulnerable and not well, think were invincible.I have never even had an appointment at a hospital. Unfortunately here we don’t have that many choices of changing doctor. I have been quite pleased that although I am suffering mentally, physically I have felt fit and well and hang onto your view that these health niggles will cease once I am stronger. I have felt a bit better today and did some painting in the kitchen and cleaned shelving so quite pleased. Tomorrow is another day I keep telling myself.
Pat x xx
Hi Pat Ii am so sorry you’ve been unwell but for what it’s worth I think your body is telling you to rest. You’re up early with the dogs and go walking. This stops us thinking and hurting I do it so I know. I’ve run to groups and meetings just so I don’t have to sit down and at the end of the day we have to face reality. My mum used to say if you don’t make the decision to stop your body will do it for you. I’m trying to face my very painful thoughts now just maybe for 10 mins or so a day. I’ve written to Colin telling him all the things I miss which has helped as i wouldn’t face this. I know you keep a journal but maybe you need to write the good and the hurt that way you’re not carrying it about . Pat I send this with much love and hope you’re well soon. Read a book, rest your body it’s trying to tell you… love Kate xx
Hi Sheila what an inspiring letter. I’m only 9 weeks and pain still raw. I’m in tears and needed a push to get ready which your letter gave me. Colin isn’t coming back i know that and I’ve got to get through what’s left on my own somehow. Thank you. K xx
As you say Sheila, we all find ways to survive. Our grief will never go away but hopefully we will be able to enjoy life
I am so glad you said the 2nd year was awful because it offends me when people say " after the first year all is easier" it will take me much longer for things to be easier without Jack. He was part of me! So how can I live fully as nothing has happened ?
Hope your day is ok
Safie xx
Sheila, you are a LEGEND. An inspiration to all of us. When I grow up I want to be you :)) Love and hugs and…thank you’s in abundance xxx
Hi Katie thanks for your kind thoughts. I must admit to enjoying my walks with the dogs. I chat to other people and enjoy being outdoors. I wonder what I would be like first thing in the morning if I didn’t have the dogs. Would I even bother to get out of bed some days. I was actually alright the first month or so as there was so much to keep sorting through but when that all ceased I had nothing to get up for, except of course my dogs. They won’t let me have a lie in anyway. I do put down the hurt in my words to Brian, he must think I’ve become a right moaner.
I found I couldn’t cope with groups of people and preferred one to one. Although I do go to a monthly bereavement group now at the hospice and enjoy interacting with them but it’s not often enough. I think your mum was probably right. I will try to relax but it’s so hard.
Thanks a lot Pat xxxx.