Hi everyone
Had one of my worst days yet the sadness I have felt today has been overwhelming and my son has been really upset today missing his dad so much I have one of those days where I have felt I can’t do this anymore although I know I have to I suppose we all have days like this feel I’m going mad with these horrible emotions hoping tomorrow is a bit better although my son has really important hospital check up tomorrow first one we have faced without Ian think that is preying on our minds Thankyou to you all for listening I apologise for being so doom and gloom Laura xx
Hi Laura
Sorry to hear you have had a bad day. Like you say we all get them and sometimes they just creep up on us without warning. I tried to keep myself busy today by going shopping. Everywhere I went was a memory and seeing people holding hands with their partners made it even harder. I too, visited the cemetery. I hadn’t really intended to but was glad I did. It was lovely and peaceful and it was nice to get away from the crowds.
I hope the hospital check for your son goes well. It will be hard for you without Ian by your side. You have a lot to deal with and we can all sympathise, so don’t worry about being ‘doom and gloom’ it is understandable.
I’m sending you a big hug and I hope you find the strength to get through tomorrow.
I’ll be thinking of you.
Yvonne X
Thankyou so much Yvonne I would say this is the worst few days I have had for a few weeks feel so alone I am sure we are all feeling the same this journey we are on is so horrible for us all Thankyou for your kind words of support it really helps take care Laura xxx
Laura good luck today. The challenges are coming really fast for you and your family. I hope today is more peaceful and that the appointment goes well.
One day or even hour at a time.it is all we ca do. xx
Thanks so much vonnie take care Laura xxx
I know how you feel. I have a terrible time forcing myself to cut the grass because John always did it. I had to clean the pond filters at the weekend and thought that I had broken the pump. I know that feeling of utter isolation not having him to ask what to do. I then took the dog to our local mayday celebration and although the place was packed, I have never felt so alone. I thought that I was dealing with it but for the past couple of weeks Itself as if I am sliding backwards.
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Hi kezz
I also feel I’m going back the way really struggled last few days take care Laura xxx
Hi Kezz,
I think we’re all suffering from the better weather. Suddenly there so many reminders of jobs that our husbands would have done. I find I panic at the slightest glitch and can’t sort things and can’t find things I’ve put down.
I took a book to our nearest town today and sat and read by the cathedral and went for a cup of tea in our favourite tea shop. The lady there was very kind and I was in tears again.
It’s not getting easier ,
Hope things improve a bit day by day,
X Chris
Hi everyone
Just wondering how everyone is been really struggling last few days had a really horrible night last night just could not stop the tears when I went to bed feel I am going back the way these waves of grief really take over hope everyone coping the best they can thinking of you all Laura xxx
Hi Laura
I expect the tears were the release of pent up stress and emotion caused by the hospital visit. I hope it went well for your son. It must have been so hard for you to do it without Ian by your side.
I have been keeping busy trying to avoid thinking. Sometimes for a little while I forget
and then it hits me again. The evenings are hard and so are Sundays. I want to go through our photos and the old videos but can’t face doing it just yet.
Still trying to take it a day at a time and thinking of everyone in the same situation.
Yvonne
Hi yvonne
Things didn’t go so well for lewis at the hospital wasn’t the news I hoped for which has just added to the stress like you I find the evenings and Sundays really difficult sometimes I think I’m doing OK then bang the grief comes back at me miss so much what Ian and I had I used to always say how lucky I was to have such a wonderful man just been feeling I can’t do this the last few days but I know I need to carry on trying to take a day at a time but everything really frightens me yvonne thanks for your reply and support take care Laura xxx
Hi Laura. Sorry to hear the news about your son wasn’t what you expected. Even harder to hear without Ian I am sure. This life we have been given sucks. I hate being without my soulmate and worry I can’t go on. But onwards we go. Try your best to relax and remember the love you shared. xx
Thanks Yvonne I have actually sat down for an hour tonight had to finding this grieving is totally exhausting really helps to hear from you take care Laura xxx
Hi vonnie
Just having few really bad days thought I was doing a bit better but then u go back again Thankyou for your kind words take care Laura xxx
Hi just wondering how everyone is doing
Laura xxx
Hi Laura. I’ve had a bad few days this week. Feel as if I am going backwards not forwards and the hurt is as real now (or maybe even worse) as it was 3 months ago.
I’ve done a few things on my own ( that we would normally have done together) and it was super hard. My friends say I should be proud of myself and I rather ungraciously want to slap them. How did it get to the stage that I should be proud of myself for driving my own car?!?!?
I understand from others here that this grief journey comes in waves and I guess I am in a big one right now. I am trying to keep going but it’s hard.
Sorry this is a negative post this time. Hope you are doing better. xx
Hi Sheila. No you are not being hard at all. But I think because I am the first if my friends to lose a partner they are scrambling around not knowing how to deal with me or how to help. Sometimes that means they say the wrong thing. But I am still grateful that they try.
It is such a short time since this happened so I too need to remember that struggling is normal and not to put too much pressure on myself. It helps to understand that this is not something that we ‘get over’. How can we given the deepness of the love we shared with our life partners.
Thanks for your email, sharing your experience really helps those of us who are new to these feelings and don’t at times understand them. Have a good day Sheila. xx
Hello, Laura. Not doing too well, although on Thursday I felt that I may have turned a corner as the day passed without my getting upset about everything. It didn’t last, and yesterday I was back to square one again. Now the weekend looms up and I hate it, especially Sunday. I am about to start the first anniversaries and am hoping that once they are over, I may feel better. But, as Sheila says, there is no time limit on grief so I can’t see me making much progress. I knew my husband for 68 years, and married to him for 66 so I doubt if I will ever feel any different. I hope you have a peaceful weekend. It is all we can hope for. Take care of yourself, Laura. Love, Eileen xxx
Good Morning!
I think, once again, you might have hit the nail so to speak! I too am in the final stages of my life and although I do want to embrace every day of my life, I also know that doing so on my own just gives me little joy.
Since 2014 I have been brave and dealt with tasks that I thought I would never be capable of doing - especially concerning Ronald’s illness and getting the care he needed.
After his death I carried on being capable and busy thinking that was the way forwards.
I hit a wall at 18 months of being a widow and the past few weeks feel I am just coming out of the black hellhole. I am doing so by allowing myself to be vulnerable and accepting that I will grieve for the rest of my life.
As to people understanding - I don’t think they mean not to care they just don’t know how to. One of my oldest friends said early on…I don’t know how to help you - I would never be able to cope on my own - so I don’t really want to know how you are feeling because I can’t do anything! Yes, she lives abroad and her way of dealing with how she can help - is to Skype me and we natter about trivia, politics and normal every day stuff. I am grateful that I have this connection with another life of a different normality.
My own normality is very different from most other people in our old circle. So I just try and do what suits me and will help me through each day.
I guess, for me, I would just like from time to time to sit with somebody and just talk about my loved one and share those memories. Perhaps I do need a therapist!
I hope this weekend is a gentle and peaceful one for you Sheila.
xCarole
Hi vonnie and everyone
Vonnie I can relate to everything you say like you I have had few really bad days had the feeling of I can’t do this doing things on my own when we done together is so hard as I know we all feel everyone keeps telling us how well we are doing they haven’t got a clue unless they have been in this position went visiting to my brothers last night which eased the sadness but as soon as we opened the front door on return it hit us like a train my son was in tears this truly is a horrible journey we are all on just wanted to say you are not alone it’s like taking 2 steps forward 3 steps back I am 20 weeks in and it is still so raw take care everyone thinking of you all Laura xxx