Yep Sheila - it is all in our mind now! And, like you, that is why I have written it all down and have these albums and journals. I believe they will always give me comfort now, especially as, again like you, I keep finding another trinket of a day/an event to add to the memory box already full of treasures!
Today the memory scene is something like…mealtimes, Ronald loved black pepper and so would grind copious amounts over his meal, then start to eat and sneeze - a very loud noisy sneeze - invariably he would turn to me and wink and I wouild reply - grace said can we continue! It always seemed even funnier when we were dining out!
It is these absolutely bonkers moments that I want to remember now forever!
Hi Sheila,
You said all the things I feel I get so angry with so called friends they have no idea
of the pain we feel and our life will never be the same again,I saw an really elderly couple in the supermarket today and they were holding hands it brought me to tears as that will never be John and myself,life is so unfair.
Take care everyone.
Love Brenda
x
Sheila - Bultlin’s Bognor is ‘down the road’ from me here! Walking ‘on the top’ of The Downs you can see the sea and the sails of the holiday camp!
I have Ronald’s money clip I gave him. I don’t think men have money clips now!
Yes, there are, of course, the memories when we would get cross with one another because our buttons had been pushed!
Endless grey sky here but a good working temperature so will go and do a stint before lunch.
xCarole
Hi everyone
Had a really bad weekend sadness has been so overwhelming last night felt really ill think it was like a panic attack couldn’t breath and was aching from my neck down went to bed early woke this morning and had to force myself to get up to see to my son could have easily just pulled the quilt over my head and stayed there all day thought I was coping quite well then bang the grief comes back at you really horrible feeling cried for hours last night but as Sheila said I just had to let it out have really struggled think I expect to much of myself trying to fight against it is exhausting hoping for a better day tomorrow thinking of you all Laura xxx
Hello, Laura. Sorry to read about your bad weekend. Mine was the same. No phone calls or invitations and I just wanted to go and be with my husband. It took a real effort to get out of bed at all. I have all the first anniversaries starting next week. Sunday will be a year since his accident, and Monday his birthday. Then 8th June when he died, July our wedding anniversary. I honestly don’t know how to get through it all but I suppose I will. I thought that I would start to feel better when the weather turned warm and sunny but instead I feel even sadder as we used to sit in the garden or go somewhere, and that is no more. I so hope that, for all of us, things will gradually get better but at the moment I wonder if they ever will. Warm wishes. Eileen xxx
Laura, Eileen, sorry to hear it’s been so hard for you this weekend. There is nothing I can say to make things better but I wanted to let you know you are not alone.
Take care and keep posting. People here really do understand what you are going through and whilst all our experiences are different, the pain we feel is sadly similar. Take care. xx
Sheila - sorry to hear you were not well. It makes everything seem so much worse than it already is!
It is good you have some activities for yourself and I am sure it will be fun. Perhaps do more for yourself!
I can’t really offer any advice re your family - as I have tried various ideas with my own! I have learnt the only pain is my own because I keep trying. I have only recently decided to keep in touch with those who have shown a real interest in me and my wellbeing!
It will be lovely for you to have your grandchildren with you - the younger generations tend to lift one’s spirits!
And you are not alone on this forum - I for one was thinking about you over the weekend, wondered why you were quiet and hoped it was because you were ok!
I am off to run errands and then on to my QiGong class. This afternoon it will be out into the garden and hopefully the sun will be out. Also to discuss with a chap who helps do work for me about painting the outside areas I can’t reach!
Take care.
xCarole
I too had a miserable weekend. It’s so hard keeping up the pretence that everything is ok. Like you Laura I was full of aches and pains. I was trying to put some flat pack furniture together but couldn’t find the right screwdriver. Searched the garage and shed ( Geoff,s domain) and finally gave up feeling frustrated and useless. Had to call my brother in law (again) asking for his help.
Eileen all those anniversaries are going to be so tough to get through. I hope your family will be around to support you. The sunny weather is also making me feel sadder. Like you it reminds me of things we used to do.
Going to listen to a meditation now to see if it will motivate me to get going - finding it hard this morning.
Just joined today widowed two months ago,but in my grief, I find deep sympathy for you and your friends,and sincerely hope you and all of you here eventually find peace and happiness,best wishes , Thomas
Hi Thomas
Sorry that you have had to join this forum but I hope you find it helps you as much as it has helped me through this horrible journey the people on here have been such a great support to me over the last few months keep messaging it really helps to talk Laura xxx
I lost my husband 4 months ago and only the people here understand what I’m going through. It’s helped me and I’m sure it can help you. You can say anything, no matter how silly or minor it seems, there’s always someone who has felt like you so keep posting.
We can’t bring them back I’m afraid but we can help with the awfulness of what’s going on,
Hugs, X Chris
Hi Laura,
I’ve had to bite the bullet and get a smart phone. It’s taken a week and several journeys back to the shop to get to learn it. I’ve been a between despair and panic. If only Paul was here, he was an IT expert so I know nothing.last Saturday was the sponsored walk in Paul’s memory, organised by my village and the hospice. It was a great success but a bit of a strain for me but everyone was very kind. Of course, by yesterday I was exhausted and lonely again so I took myself off to York on my bus pass and sat in the sun for a few hours.
Today was my appt with the counsellor. It does help to tell her how I’m feeling.
Now I’m back in a local park, reading. I don’t like being at home
I hope you are coping but, as we all say, the better weather can make things worse. We can’t enjoy it on our own.
Hi Laura,
I’ve had to bite the bullet and get a smart phone. It’s taken a week and several journeys back to the shop to get to learn it. I’ve been a between despair and panic. If only Paul was here, he was an IT expert so I know nothing.last Saturday was the sponsored walk in Paul’s memory, organised by my village and the hospice. It was a great success but a bit of a strain for me but everyone was very kind. Of course, by yesterday I was exhausted and lonely again so I took myself off to York on my bus pass and sat in the sun for a few hours.
Today was my appt with the counsellor. It does help to tell her how I’m feeling.
Now I’m back in a local park, reading. I don’t like being at home
I hope you are coping but, as we all say, the better weather can make things worse. We can’t enjoy it on our own.
Hi chris
Not been coping at all the last week just overwhelming sadness trying so hard to fight against it it was so bad on Saturday I had a panic attack been to see my doctor didn’t really want to take medication but I have had to Chris felt really ill and exhausted my doctor said I am so worried for my son that it is building up in me and I need to have time to grieve easier said than done when you are a full time carer really struggling been trying to do some work in the garden which can make us all really sad I think everyone on the forum having bad time just now glad Paul’s sponsored walk went well I am sure he would be really proud of what you done in his memory take care thinking of you Laura xxxx
So sorry to hear you had a panic attack. They really are awful aren’t they. Do you find the medication is helping? What you really need is help with your son. Did the doctor not suggest anything. Does he go to a Day Centre?
I have been keeping busy and not really dealing with my feelings or any of Geoff’s things. I felt sad this morning when I heard Margot Kidder had died. Geoff worked with her on the Superman Movie and said what a lovely person she was.
This is the first year I haven’t enjoyed the sunshine. I can’t bring myself to go to the parks we used to visit and despite, buying new chairs for the garden, I haven’t been able to sit out there.