I understand how you feel because I feel just the same.
I’ve taken the dog out twice, been to the shop, filled the car up, sorted out some rubbish to go to the tip, had my lunch and it’s still only 1pm.
I’m dreading the weekend as well, I try to keep busy but there’s so little do now I’m on my own - just filling in time till I go to bed. My partner died suddenly, I still can’t accept that he’s gone and my whole life has gone with him, I miss him and our lives together so much. The whole future seems pointless without him.
Like you, I’m sorry but I simply can’t feel positive about a life I would never want.
Hello Sheila. I have to say what a Godsend you have been and are to this Community. You let it be known that it’s ok to be grieving for loved ones long after society and family (especially) for that matter, think our grief should be well past its sell-by date. The modern age is for fixable things to be fixed immediately and everything else to be hidden out of sight because others may be disturbed or upset. That can’t be right. My Brother said recently and matter-of-factly that “it’s gone on long enough now.” I don’t recall if I answered, you end up saying nothing just to keep the peace. Take care and thanks again.
My husband only died 4 weeks ago, and a friend asked if I was sleeping, when I replied no it was suggested I had a hot chocolate before bed, then I would sleep and I will be alright in another couple of weeks.
Hi June,
I had the same problems had a flat tyre and not a clue how to put air in it went to the petrol station near me and had to ask a van driver if he would help which he did but felt such a fool.
Then the tyre went nearly flat when I was out so had to drive to a garage I could have burst into tears they sorted the puncture for me but so very stressful.
Then had to take the dog to the vet for his check up as he is an old man but the strain sitting in the waiting area with all the dogs whining etc was getting to me it’s all the things that John would have seen to it feels that sometimes I don’t or can’t cope doing many other jobs that I would have not thought I would be capable of doing,I hope things feel better as time goes by but they will never be the same that’s for sure we just keep going day to day and the family think you should be just getting on with things and the visit’s and phone calls all dry up from so called friends,well what goes around comes around as the saying goes,sorry for all the gloom but feeling so fed up today even the great weather does not seem to help.
Take care everyone.
Brenda
x
Hello Briju,
I wish I could wave a wand and make things better. You are probably still in shock. My counsellor maintains that your brain has had such a shock and just shuts down and only allows you to face things it feels you can cope with. No point trying to fight how you feel, you just haven’t got the energy or incentive.
We all hope that we will gradually be able to face things but not yet. Other people have no idea how we suffer in silence.
Keep posting and tell everyone how you feel day to day, it might help,
Hi Brenda,
I’m so fed up with everything going wrong and not being able to sort it myself. In tears again today with frustration and fear as my mobile phone has gone wrong again.
I want to shut myself away and hide but know I can’t, I just seem to need help all the time.
I’m losing confidence because I can’t turn to my husband for help. It’s so cruel.
What a day - seem to have gone backwards. Went for a tea in M & S, got talking to a lady sitting on her own. Suddenly it all came out and I was in floods of tears again. She was lovely and we spent an hour chatting. We ended up hugging oblivious to everyone else. I continued shopping and when I got to the counter in Wilko’s I realised I knew the assistant. She asked me how I was and I was off again. She left her till to give me a hug - I felt I had to apologise to the mass queue that had formed behind me.
I thought I was passed this stage. It’s really caught me off guard. I’m staying in now until I feel more in control.
Sheila I quite agree with Tina19 you are such a help to all of us who are struggling with grief. Your wisdom and common sense are getting us through this nightmare albeit slowly.
Hi to everyone
I’m truly sorry that everyone is have such a horrendous time and we seem to burst at times when we think we are in control .
As I said to day in my early post I’m not on as much as I work full time but I do read the post and I feel that as you said Sheila that life doesn’t get any better or easier and that there is no light at the end of this horrendous journey so now I truly wonder why am I still here and more to the point I’m not old so I have years ahead of blackness .
I know you have lost your beloved husband a few years ago and I’m just six month down this road but now as you say and you have more experience in this matter than me and I am seriously considering why I should not join my beautiful husband as there is never going to be any light in my life .
Lily
So sorry Briju for what’s happened to you and your Husband. That comment certainly takes some beating. It’s no wonder you were upset about it. Iwas introduced to a new widow when I still had my Husband. I said I was sorry for her loss but then simply returned home to my life, how privileged was I at this stage. It was only when it happened to me that I truly appreciated how she felt. I suppose we have to feel sorry for them as one day they may be in our position. In the meantime for them, it really is a case of “ignorance is bliss.”
Weekends are such a difficult time and with a Bank Holiday as well it’s worse.
So far today my doorbell has fallen off outside and my smart phone is asking me things I don’t understand. It just makes me feel so lonely and frightened.
I miss my Paul so much on days like this. I can’t keep asking people to help me, even though they say they’ll do anything.
I hope all of you have a better day,
Hello, Chris. Yes, I hate weekends, especially Sundays and Bank Holidays. I seem to sit around waiting for one of my sons to invite me over for dinner and some company. Sometimes I am lucky, sometimes not. Tomorrow I am going to a garden centre with one, and to dinner with the other, so this has been my lucky weekend.
I’m sorry to read that you are having problems but know what you mean. I don’t think I appreciated what it was like, having a man about the house. I am coming up to the first anniversary of losing Bill, and hope that I get some support on the day.
I hope you get your phone sorted. The loneliness and missing our loved ones is horrendous.
Good Morning!
Starting slowly today - the weather doesn’t look exciting outside!
I went to a family funeral on Thursday. The first on my own and since Ronald died 19 months’ ago. His sister’s husband. Not easy! Seeing the coffin I thought my legs would give way and very hard to control the emotions during the service. I was pleased I was able to go for both myself and on behalf of Ronald.
The Dyson was repaired and I learnt a lesson… Having taken it to pieces and cleaned etc as per illustrations, it still didn’t work. Under warranty, an engineer came and confirmed nothing I could do as it was an electrical problem with the motor. So - sometimes I won’t be able to fix things and not beat myself up - but to ask for help!
Chris - I think if you can say - would I help somebody in a similar situation to me and I’m sure you would. I think we need to be able to ask for help - however many times - so we are not anxious about life. It is hard enough just getting through a day when things don’t go wrong or there are challenges. So the more we can do to make things easier for ourselves the better!
Today I am doing more de-cluttering - I hope. I usually start off with good intentions and then get side-tracked.
Wishing you all an inner peace.
xCarole
Good morning, Carole. You were very brave to go to a funeral but we really have to face up to doing things which are not easy for us, especially for the loved one we have lost. I hope you have a peaceful weekend. I so hate these Bank Holidays. Eileen xx
Dear Tilly
I know how you are feeling
I am sat indoors thinking is it going to rain if not I must try and do the garden
It’s was Brian’s pride and joy kept so beautiful
No pretty hanging baskets or tubs this year
Still trying to catch up on the weeding
I am still running our small family business with my son, so many customers cheerfully said “Have a good weekend “
I don’t think I will ever enjoy myself again
People say time heals, My friends who have lost their husband tell me
You learn to live with it but life will never be the same again
I try to think I am doing the garden for him not me to try and give me a reason to do it
I know if he had a choice he would never have left me on my own
Sheila - that is what I have done! The bed is covered with outfits that are reminders - I don’t want them any more! I have photos of the events and that is enough. I will never actually wear them again.
As per usual, I have been distracted! I find I am better if I break up these weekend days into hours - an hour in the garden, an hour housework etc. I know I can cope with the tasks this way.
I am just going outside as the forecast rain has happened - so will get some fresh air at least!
xCarole
Morning everyone. Sorry to hear it’s not a good day for most of us. It’s as if the sun shining and the general happiness that surrounds a bank holiday weekend is another kick in the teeth.
Carole, I know what you mean about asking for help. I absolutely hate how useless I feel when I can’t manage to do something. This is followed by such sadness when I remember how easily my husband would have fixed it or arranged for someone to do it. My toaster isn’t working this morning. In the scheme of things a very minor thing but it felt like something else I can’t do for myself. I do agree we need to learn to ask for help. Not only for our own sanity but actually my friends have told me it makes them feel useful too. It’s a hard one though.
I hope we all get through the weekend. One day at a time. It’s all we can try to do. Thinking of you all and hoping for some peace for us today. xx
Like most of you I have been sorting out. Yesterday it was the garage. I did ask my brother in law to do it months ago but he selected a few things he wanted and left the rest. I spent all day sorting and doing trips to the dump. ( So many people there)
I still have lots of tools to go through. My husband used to love working on cars and kept so much stuff in case it was needed. I put a few things aside for my sons but they have never been practical. One son came into the garage and picked up something unusual saying we should keep this, but he had no Idea what it was.
I have pared down my own clothes - if I buy something I get rid of something.
Today I get a break I am going to the cinema with my sister to see ‘Some Like It Hot’
an old film starring Marilyn Monroe. It will be a couple of hours escapism.
Hope everyone has a ‘good’ day and manages to find some peace.
Decluttering and sorting is very hard and emotional! I seem to have gone into ‘lost soul’ mode this afternoon. Wandering around looking at the clock and wondering why time is moving so slowly!
I smile when I read others’ posts as I see myself in you and then I don’t feel so bad! And there are so many of us living in this nightmare from which we cannot find the escape route.
I do wish I felt more positive and could offer some amazing piece of advice! I have a book about grieving - how to cope the first five years…
The highlight of Sundays is I Skype my oldest girlfriend who lives in Canada - we go back to our 20s and days in London. It has just been her birthday and she will be full of telling me all she has done. For the life of me I cannot think of anything this past week I can offer! Last week we had a lively conversation about the wedding and the different views each side of the pond! I have been to my exercise classes and attended a funeral and yet more sorting and gardening and the Dyson is working again! The sum total of a week in the life of me!
Another friend has recommended a book - fortunately the chapters are short and so I can challenge myself just to read a few pages at a time. I have already read chapter one twice and think best to write down the key players and then I can refer to the notes when I keep losing the plot!!
And so life goes on…
The sun is out and I have had some lunch so will go and sit outside and sew and just let my thoughts meander about…mostly fixating on memories!
Also my ongoing debate which is to move into a retirement complex type living, downsize and move into another home, stay put. As I can’t make decisions - I just stay put - but I do know that is not the ideal solution!
xCarole
Just like my day. I’ve tried to sort some more boxes in the garage but that ended in tears. Everything was so precious to Paul, I can’t bring myself to throw anything away. He kept everything ‘in case’ although we seem to have at least three of every tool, piece of kit, car bits etc.
He had kits he put together to keep in the car for emergencies. So much thought went into them I can’t bear to even unwrap them.
I’m reading Joanna Cannons book ‘trouble with Sheep and Goats’ and have to have a crib sheet. Can’t concentrate.
Definitely take your time before making a big decision .