Hi yvonne
People don’t have a clue what we are going through what a shocking thing to say I met someone the other day and she said are you alright now as if I had a cold and was over it absolutely clueless been not too bad last few days struggling today probably because another bank holiday weekend thinking too much about what we would be doing particularly in this nice weather thinking of you and everyone take care Laura xxx
Yvonne I can’t believe what that person said to you. She clearly has no clue about anything. It’s laughable if it wasn’t so tragic.
I genuinely hope other people never feel as bad as us. But perhaps one day this lady will understand just how wrong what she has said is.
Sending you love and hugs. xx
Hi Laura, Vonnie & Sheila
Thank you so much for your replies. It did upset me. It’s been just over six months that Geoff died and we were together for 40 years. My main focus is now on me and my health and trying to survive a bit longer for my sons. Like you said Sheila life ended when our husbands died and now I just try and get through each day as best I can. Sorry the tears have now started flowing - thank you all for being there.
Yvonne
Hello Yvonne,
It is really gobsmacking what people can say to you - I bumped into an ex colleague on Monday who didn’t know Derek had died. After I told her, all she said was ‘well, you had him for a good long time so you should feel grateful’. She then proceeded to tell me that she knew exactly how I was feeling as her 98 year old mother passed away the same week and that she was now going home to have lunch in the garden with her husband which ‘is so lovely, to be able to spend quality time together now we have both retired’.
Three days later I am still crying when I think about what she said.
Take care,
Ann x
I could write a very long list on here of the crass statements I have been on the receiving end of over the past year since my husband died. One idiot even said that I was now free to do/eat what I like, and no longer have to go along with someone else’s wishes regarding holidays and such. Bill and I had been married for 66 years, and my life ended on 8 June last year when he died. Someone else told me had had a ‘good innings’. So, he was 87 but what a thoughtless thing to say. Yes, we had a long marriage but losing him was like losing half of me, and I am now a sad and lonely lady who prays at night to be taken to join him. I am grateful for being blessed with such a long marriage but that doesn’t ease the heartache I feel now that he is no longer with me. I just wish that people would think before they speak.
Eileen xx
I am so very sad we all have to go through all this. We have all had silly things said to us. I have returned from a funeral of one of my husband’s family. I went to pay my respects and also for Ronald. Not easy to go to on my own but then I do lots on my own these past 19 months since Ronald died.
One person said - it must be very hard for you to be here today…how are you doing…are you keeping busy? I replied…I no longer answer such questions as I find the people don’t really want to know the answer! I realise rude on my part…but I just don’t have the strength at times to want to be polite.
I can only offer my sincewre support in understanding how you feel. I hope I am better able to help Ronald’s sister than some who have not been helpful to me.
Take care everyone.
xCarole
Hello everyone,
I’m trying to avoid the people who say stupid things but it’s difficult. As if we haven’t got enough to deal with.
I think it highlights inadaquacies in their own marriages. They think their lives would be better if they could find someone else, not have to cook meals, go on exotic holidays without their partners etc. We know we were loved and did things because we both wanted to. The last thing we wanted was to change things.
Try to forget the silly comments and remember the kind ones,
X Chriis
Oh yes, I had that too Sheila! For the best Ronald is no longer suffering - and you’ll be ok you are young enough to get on with your life! 44 years we were together. And now I suffer - so how to deal with that?
xCarole
Yes, exactly Sheila, one of these days. I really hope these people do not turn to me for support as ‘I have been through the same thing’ . Karma is a terrible thing…
Ann x
Hi Eileen,
As you say people are so thoughtless my neighbour said to me when John had to go into the care home will you or are you seeing anyone I was speechless obviously these people are very shallow,I was married for 30 years and knew John for 47 years,they seem to think you just get over it,I am not interested in meeting anyone else I wish John was here and know that can’t happen and like all of us just keep going day to day,I have tried to keep busy with the garden but even that’s so lonely doing it yourself nothing will ever be the same but we have to keep going.
Take care everyone,
Love Brenda
Hello everyone,
Just when I think I’m making some headway, I get a day like today when it all seems too much and I don’t want to get up and battle through another day.
I feel so alone trying to keep on top of things and my ‘backstop’ has left me and I need him so much. There doesn’t seem any point going on.
Sorry to sound so depressing, this forum is my first resort when I get these days.
Hope you can have a better day,
X C
Hello, Tilly. I have been like this all week, ever since I visited the crematorium on Monday, which was Bill’s birthday. I feel as if there is no point in going on, but we must because our loved ones would want us to. Getting out of bed in the morning is a big effort, and a long weekend coming up doesn’t help.
Sorry I can’t say anything to cheer you up as I feel the same as you. All I look forward to is going to bed and falling into oblivion for a few hours, with the help of an anti-depressant. God, what a life.
I too am glad of this forum as I can’t talk to my family. They put on a blank look if I start talking about their Dad.
Love, and a big hug, Eileen xx
Tilly, Eileen,
So sorry to hear how you are today.
Somebody once described grief like being shipwrecked. Here we are clinging on to a piece of wreckage. Sometimes the sea is calm and we can just about hold on then from out of nowhere a massive wave hits us and knocks us for 6. Today is one of those dark days for you.
There are no words to make it better but please know I understand and am thinking of you and hoping you get some respite and can cope a little better soon.
You are right our loved ones would want us to go onwards but sometimes it’s is so hard to put one foot in front of the other. Love and Huggs. x
Thanks everyone, I really needed to know there was someone out there today.
It sounds silly but what’s getting me down is the new smart phone I’ve got. I’ve had a lot of problems with it and Paul would have just sorted it but I have to keep going back to the shop and it makes me feel so useless. It’s things like this that just panic me .
Thanks for your help,
X Chris
I feel terrified of all the lonely years ahead as I am only 47 really scares me so much feeling really sad last few days Laura xxx
Hello Tilly
You have my sympathy. My husband died a month ago today, and I to feel so lonely. As you say things do happen and you just don’t seem to be able to cope On Sunday my husbands pond pump needed cleaning, I did not have a clue, eventually after getting in a terrible mess, I got it sorted, took me 3 hours he would have done it in 10 minutes I then noticed yesterday the fish are not eating, again not a clue had to go to a local garden centre for advise, Have done as they said, and hopefully I have done it correctly. But I just feel so useless, I am also working with our son to keep his business going and I am finding that extremely difficult Customer actually said to me Oh you will be OK in a few months, NO NO NO wanted to shout at her, my life will never be the same, I have lost my life, my soulmate, my business partner, my rock of support.
I do like you feel that this site does help
Love June
My best friend has been a great support, even though she lives hundreds of miles away. How awful that she has let you down so badly, I have people who though Brian was only ill for 7 months saying the same, They never bothered to phone or visit I am just fed up with hearing you are doing so well. They only see me for a minute or two. No I am not I break down several times during the day and every night so has it that doing well.
I even woke up the other night to tell him it was raining!!
I just want him to walk back through the door and we go back to how things were.
Love to you June
Hi everyone
I don’t post much now but I do read your posts and I do think of you all in this overwhelming time in all our lives .
Some of us have been going through this journey for a long time and others are just starting on it no matter were we are on our own personal journey it is truly life changing and not in a good way .
For me just now is how aware I am that I don’t belong to anyone any more and I find that so overwhelming please take care off your selfs and be kind to yourself.
Lily
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Hi Everyone,
I’m sorry so many are struggling today, as am I. The thought of another lonely and pointless bank holiday weekend when everyone around me will be out and about enjoying life is unbearable. My family have obviously forgotten I exist - until the next time they need something of course - and my friends have their husbands and partners to be with.
I want to find a reason to go forward but I just can’t. I have ‘joined things’ but after a few sessions, I ask myself what on earth I am doing there as I’m not enjoying myself, I would rather be at home. I don’t know if I have been unlucky, but generally people at these groups are cliquey and unwelcoming and it just makes me feel ten times worse.
Sorry not to bring anything positive to the thread. Wishing you all better times, somehow.
Ann x
Hello, Ann. I was interested in your post because that is exactly what has happened to me. I have joined things but cannot get into any of it and, as you said, these groups seem to be cliquey and I sit there wondering what on earth I am doing. I would rather go for a long walk on my own, weather permitting.
There is no easy answer to our grief, and all we can do is hope that, in time, we will learn to live with it although at the moment I can’t believe it.
Eileen xx
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