It really was a lovely thing to do …there has been some lovely offers from people and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.
I’m a proud lady but not to proud to admit that since we lost Gary our situation has changed drastically…and I have for the first time had to gone to benefits …and struggling
It’s not something I’m proud of but I’m just not ready yet to go back to work …
A double whammy scarlett started School shortly after we lost her dad so before I was he with her …
I don’t want to let them down …and I’m doing the best I can …
Scarlett is happy with dolls and toys …however Oliver is 6 and wants what his friends have …
I was so upset the other day he said…mummy have you go no pennies …I thought he was going to ask about this x box again …I said no love not many…he said oh that’s why there’s no biscuits…lol I couldn’t help but laugh …
I said no baby don’t worry there’s pennies for biscuits your sister just ate them …
I had to go to the job centre today …the man was very kind to me and said he will see me in January…lucky to get him …
I used to do the same as you stay up late to try and exhaust my self like u said it does not work …
I thought the anxiety medication would help but I feel worse …they want to see me again this week my pulse is way too high and I have servere shakes …
Hi June,
Roxy sounds absolutely gorgeous and I’m sure she keeps you fully occupied.
I think she is just what you need.
Don’t worry about doing any sorting out now, enjoy her and forget your other problems.
I expect you’ll meet people and you will be able to talk to them without having to explain anything if you don’t want to.
We do have to carve out a different life, even though we don’t want to. You have taken good steps so far in your own time . I’m sure that’s best, no one can tell you how to go forward, just please yourself.
I did have a cake and later I’ve promised myself a hot chocolate in bed, with a good book… my treat!
Hi Shelia, How did you get on today and was afternoon tea good? I have been in all day today waiting for a new bed I decided I would get a ottoman bed for the extra space under the bed, Didn’t want to part with old bed because it was Colin and my bed until he got so ill he had to have a special bed in the other room. but had no choice and Colin would say get it if you want it , Nothing interesting on tele tonight not for me anyway. Still cannot get into reading a lot at moment alright for a while then my mind wanders off again, I am getting quite anxious at the moment with the anniversary of Colin getting quite near,keep saying its only another day ,Did you book Clarins today '? My Daughter phoned me this evening asking what I wanted for Christmas told her don’t need anything really But I want what you want and it cant happen If only Shelia it would make everything worth living for again and that women we once were would be back I never dream of Colin not once think I don’t go into a deep enough sleep dont know really. Take care Shelia lots love Pammi xxx
So glad the Job Centre are leaving you alone until the New Year. You have enough on your plate to deal with at the moment.
I think anxiety medication can take up to four weeks to work. I didn’t take it myself but learned how to do deep breathing techniques in order to control it.
I agree with everyone on here, you are doing brilliantly. Try and take time to relax if you can. You will need all your strength to get through Christmas.
I’m not sure if the medication is making me feel this way it’s called citalapram…for two weeks now my bod has been shaking visually from head to toe…I feel very week and have tingling …all that with a chest infection is really making me struggle…
I’ve read the side effects of the medication can cause these symptoms… I hope it goes soon as can’t even hold a cup of coffee…
And I feel very week …and tired …doctor seeing me again Wednesday to try medication to slow my heart rate down …
They are saying maybe it’s a physical delayed reaction …but have had bloods done as well…
The guy at the job centre was really nice he lost he’s wife at the beginning of the year …we just sat and chatted …hope u and your family are well …
It does sound as though your symptoms are the side effects of taking Citalapram. Maybe it’s not the right one for you. Perhaps the doctor will put you on something else.
Have you tried listening to Meditation tapes. They do help by calming the breathing. There are some good ones by Jason Stephenson on You Tube.
Hi Michelle the children will keep you going that’s for sure. They say and do the funniest things. I’m glad you saw someone who was understanding today and don’t feel bad about being on benefits you’re need is great and that’s what they are for.
Your only concern at the moment should be yourself and your children. If you like private message me you contact number as I’d like to give you something for the little ones for Christmas. I’m only buying for my grandchildren this year, I can’t face Christmas without Ian we had an amazing time last year. I’m working it and pretending it’s not happening. I don’t want your little ones to go without.
I hope your anxiety settles down, you are doing an amazing job. I’m struggling and Ian and I didn’t have children. My sons are grown up!
Take care Michelle. Big hugs. Kay. Xxxx
Hi Michelle,
This sounds like good news; you have a diagnosis, the Dr has prescribed medication and you now know why you’re struggling every day.
The medication might take a while to kick in and the dose may need adjusting but gradually I’m sure you’ll start to feel better and more able to cope with everything that’s been thrown at you.
Don’t read too much on line! Stick with the medication and keep us all up to date with how you’re feeling,
Dear Shelia, Do hope things are not to bad with you Pleased you managed to get your nails done and had a good breakfast, These dark nights are a nightmare they just drag on , Get Christmas over and be on our way to spring Thank God… Going to London on Friday to Tower of London to see the 10.000 lights for remembrance day so looking forward to that going on the coach from town . Colin used to watch tele on remembrance day never ever missed it, He served in the forces did Peter ? Friday will be 11months since Colin passed and cant get my head round the fact he has gone its still unbelievable , Nothing on tele tonight so will put my dvds on of Elvis he always makes me feel better. I think what you done for Michelle was so kind of you , I bet her little girl will be pleased, Going to have a shower now put my nightclothes on and enjoy Elvis. Take care Shelia Thanks for reply Love Pammi xxx
You’ll be fine Michelle. I too panic because my husband taught IT and so I never had to do any of the computer stuff. Now I’m floundering, it’s frightening!
Being on your own and having no one to talk about things is so difficult
It can feel very lonely but you have friends here,
Dear Shelia. I am going to London with my friend I see once a week we used to work in London when we were 17 she doesn’t live near I suppose about hour on the bus but its nice to meet up, we are getting coach at 3 and will get home at 10 I will get a cab home don’t like being out in dark, I used to live on the Isle of dogs before I married Colin so I am used to London but the change in the demographics is unbelievable Pleased you are getting your hair done next week and facial week after things to look forward to, When I had my flu injection the nurse told me you have to have a shingle one as well? Colin and I used to say we were glad we were on the way out and not the way in, And like you I am glad I don’t have many years to be without Colin and once again I agree with you Shelia its hard to understand where the young boy is who I met when I was 16 and he was 21 how as it ended up like this just find it hard to accept when I was nursing Colin I knew how ill he was but never thought I would lose him we used to say one will be no good without the other and that’s so true I am no good without him Still its what life as dealt us and we have to try and move on but how? Going to make a cup of tea would love to get two mugs out , Take care Love Pammi xxx
Dear Shelia Thought of you at the Tower last night it was so lovely and thousands their I love London by Night, Its hard Shelia to know we are not going to see Peter or Colin again in this life and I still cannot get my head round it that’s what does me in more than anything, I keep thinking how as it happened to us like you I am 75 but feel young not that age at all .Little things I miss when I used to look over at him and he would wink Will I ever move on from this ? Starting to cry ,again where do the tears keep coming from, I am going to give money to my Daughter and her Husband bought them just a few tree gifts as well Ive no Grandchildren my Daughter lost 3 which was quite hard for her to accept, To think I loved Christmas with Colin and now I don’t want to know it, Strictly is on thinking of you watching it, Take care Shelia Love Pammi xxx
Dear Pammi and Sheila . I am here on my own with my two dogs eating an m and s ready meal watching strictly and I am the same …I cannot believe I am never going to see my husband Mark again . I am 58 and he was 60 when he suffered a sudden cardiac arrest at home with me . It still doesn’t seem real . I was putting a coat back in the cupboard when his shoes fell out off a shelf . I put them back and they fell off again …and then again … by that time I was crying my eyes out and the dogs were looking at me like I was mad . It’s so hard missing him all the time and I am much worse on my own but two of my daughters have their own houses and the youngest who still lives at home has gone out to celebrate her friend’s birthday . She will be back in the early hours but the time is so long and you can only talk to dogs so much . Sending you both big hugs . Romy xxxx
Dear Sheila . We had to sell Mark’s BMW because it was a sports version and too scary for me to drive . We have a garage and all the staff as well as the family were so upset when it was driven away . We also have a Mercedes sports car which I am going to keep . At first I was going to sell it because it upset me driving it without Mark in the car with me but I have changed my mind thank goodness and I now get comfort from driving it because he used to and he loved it especially in the summer with the roof down . My mother is 94 . When Mark died I thought if I live as long as my mother I have another 36 years to go without him. It’s enough to make you feel crazy as it’s only been 15 weeks so far . I told my children and my friends and they said for goodness sake you can’t think like that …just do one day at a time . But I was always planning stuff …what we were going to do , where we were going to go …and now I feel like a lost soul just waiting till it is time to go to bed . Saturday is the worst night of the week for me now . It used to be my favourite but not any more without him here . We were busy working all week and it was nice to relax on a Saturday night at home but I am going to have to devise a new way of getting through it …goodness knows what though …I’m not really interested in the tv that much and I can’t concentrate on reading at the moment . I have just gone online to buy some stocking fillers for my girls but the thought of Xmas is pretty daunting . My head is all over the place . It all seems so unreal …and how I wish it really was . Grief is mind boggling …Romy xxxxxx