I’m so very sorry for you pain.I Remember the fog…it almost seemed to leave a taste…
I didn’t even realise how blurred a the edges were, and are still at times.
Gradually the fog clears a little, and we regain some clarity.Im sending you much love xx
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Hi
I’m so sorry for your loss and yes it is unbearable as I know it is for us all.
Margaret was 51 and we were together for 30 years we met when we were 21 and had our 25 wedding anniversary in April. I have 3 adult children and a little granddaughter born 5 weeks after Margaret died it was our first grandchild and she was so looking forward to meeting her but never got the chance. The heart has been torn out of my whole family and my house( I say house because it doesn’t feel like a home anymore) is empty. I’m sorry for being so down but I just can’t get to grips with this grief. I thought I was coping but it is just a front when I close the door at night I’m in bits.
Please take care and thank you for your kind words
William
Hi pammi
Thank you for you message … The kids really enjoyed the fire works …however I really struggled …I had a big lump in my throat the whole time …
It will be 4 months next week since I lost my husband …the part that is worrying me the most at the moment is my health …my physical symptoms of anxiety are very punishing…I’ve just had more bloods to get to the bottom of it …
I feel like I have no energy to keep up with the little ones …I’m constantly trying to make them happy so I don’t think there hurting …
They asked lots of questions about daddy seeing the fireworks in heaven it was tough…
Every time I think I’m getting somewhere there always seems to be a set back. …
Christmas is around the corner I wish it was January…I know that’s not fair on the kids
My little boy is five and has now told mummy that he really wants a computer for Christmas like his friends …he quickly followed it up with …" It’s ok mummy I know u can’t send Santa pennies for that ".
How they know how too pull at your heart strings …
I’ll go without to give them what they want this year no matter what .
Scarlett is a lot easier if it shines she’s happy …and Santa has got her a karaoke machine …my poor ears lol…
My dad has said he will come Christmas Eve so I’m not alone …it’s just the silly things like putting them to bed and going down to wrap the presents alone …
It also my birthday the week before Christmas…Oliver said because daddy not here he will make me breakfast in bed …bless him …milk and a biscuit he says …
Do you find it hard to sleep it’s always this time for me I just can’t settle alone . .
I think I’m a little anxious I have to go to the job centre in the morning…I just hope they are understanding…I’m not ready to go to work with my anxiety symptoms being this bad …I’m so ashamed being on benefits …first time in 37 years…
Like you say you have lost your confidence since losing Colin and I feel the same …
Take care
Love Michelle
Hi Kay
Thanks for responding I really dont know what to say. People tell me that the pain gets less as time goes on but I just wonder if its self preservation, because its final, its all broken and cannt be mended… please take care of yourself
Jx
Hi Tilly
I tried to sort out Barry’s clothes out of the wardrobe but couldnt part with them and then I read on this forum about a man who lost his wife and has cleared the wardrobes and put all the clothes neatly in a spare room, with the hope that one day he will just contact the charity shop to collect them. I thought it was a good idea and have done just that. I feel that way hes still around somehow. You are right I cannt shift the image of those last few hours on the boat ,all the what ifs, what if we had been at home, would it have made any difference, although from saying he wasnt well to being put into the hospital on the ship on a drip with medication, was only 10 minutes. I dont think an ambulance would have got here by then, it was pulmonary oedema and he couldnt breath. People try to be kind and say things like “well at least you were having a nice time” and he didnt suffer the indignity of being a very ill, helpless person had he survived. I know its true.
Well done you going off somewhere, very brave and you did it. I had my two sons and their wives and grandchildren yesterday for a roast and it was nice to see them laughing, and playing with my new puppy, and it must seem strange for them coming home without their dad, as they always had a good relationship - men dont talk about emotions do they?
I think Tilly you are picking up the pieces. I think I’m doing ok then it all goes to pot, usually over something daft. I was asked by my neighbour if I fancied going to a coffee morning this week sometime, but I found myself making an excuse as to why not to go, I dont know why.
Take care of yourself and treat yourself now and again. A friend of mine lost her husband 10 years ago, shes a very up beat person, always smiling and enjoys a laugh. I thought she was doing really well over the years, but I now know she was just putting on an act. She has got on with her life and says to me do what I want to do— but I dont know what that is? like you I feel sometimes in a fog.
Take care… buy a cream cake
Jx
Hi Sheila
Thanks for your reply… enjoy your day out, I hope it gives you a lift in spirit. We just have to find things that give us a reason to carry on, whatever it is.
My mum spent 7 years looking after my dad, who was a really grumpy patient, but she used to say to have a laugh a day, or find something to smile about. When dad died she just seemed to plod on by herself as she lived 90 miles from me, she didnt go out other than food shopping and the hairdressers, but she seemed fine with it, probably because her life changed when dad became an invalid. She said she didnt need to go out and about and anyway who with? and anyway she would say how can them cafes charge all that for a cup of tea! bless.
enjoy your day,
JX
Hi Sheila
I really hope you have a lovely day today …spoil your self and try to enjoy it you deserve it …
Love Michelle
Hi William
I just wanted to say I’m with you on how you are feeling. I thought I was coping too but the last few weeks, I’ve just felt like I can’t cope. I’m feeling so anxious about everything and can’t see forward most of the time. I know Margaret and Carl died in the same day so I can only say I understand and I’m sending you my love to try and help. We are trying so hard to be strong but this grief is so debilitating.
Xx
All so true and unbearable. Take care June. Xxx
Thanks June, I too make arrangements and then cancel. I can change how I feel within seconds and give in.
It’s a year since Paul was taken to the hospice for the first time but I’m trying not to think about it, he was so poorly.
I hope the puppy is behaving, is he/she housetrained yet? What’s he called? I love dogs but still have my lovely cat.
I will take your advice and have a cream cake today.
X Chris
Hi
Thanks for your kind words.
Yes we Are both at the same stage of our grief and I’m feeling exactly like you.
I just feel so alone family and friends have started to move on and think after 4 months I should be better. Like you I really try and be strong especially for the kids as I know they worry about me. I work shifts so tend to be off during the day which makes things worse. I’m sitting here now with a coffee have been up from 7 as I can’t sleep I’ve walked the dog tidied the house put wash on and that’s me until 6pm when my daughter gets in from work. My daughter will be moving out sometime soon hopefully after Xmas and that will be me 52 years old and on my own for the first time in my life. Sorry I for all the sadness and self pity but I’m just telling it as it is.
Please take care and thanks again for your reply it’s helps to know that someone is feeling the same and I’m not going mad.
I’m sending you my love back
William
When my husband died in July, at first I couldn’t bear to go to bed and get to that moment when I had to turn the tv and the light off, so I went to bed later and later in the hope of managing to sleep. As the weeks have gone on I seem to want to sleep all the time. Has anyone else experienced this, and is it possibly a way of escaping from the situation ?
Hi William I know exactly how you feel Ian also died on 2nd July and it’s absolutely heartbreaking. I thought I was coping but have just had an awful weekend. It really doesn’t get any better does it ? Take care I am thinking of everyone on this site. Big hugs. Kay. Xx
What a lovely lady you are Sheila and so good with computers! That’s so kind of you .
Much love. Kay. Xx
Hi
Thanks for your hugs and I’m sending hugs back.
I agree weekends are terrible Saturday and Sunday i was in bed by 10 just wanted the day to end. For me it’s not getting any easier there seems to be no future or a future I don’t want.
Take care
William
I did that when Ian died in July, I went to bed really late in the hope I would fall asleep from exhaustion. It didn’t work I was and still am awake every couple of hours. I go to bed earlier now as I am back at work but I still don’t sleep well. It’s 4 months now and I feel I’m running on empty. You could ask your GP for tables, I personally didn’t want that and a friend told me about a sleep app! I haven’t tried it but you might want to?
Good luck this whole life is horrendous.
Take care. Kay.xx
Totally get that William I wish there was some magic answers!
Take care. Kay xx
Hi Chris
I am in the process of training using puppy pads at the moment as she had had her second jab 10 days ago so from yesterday she can go out,although it’s taken half an hour to go 2 houses down …all that sniffing and investigating She’s called Roxy and she isa grey and white Lhasa Apso only weighs a couple of pounds , tiny but makes me laugh although a bit of a handful .
Maybe a hot toddy as well as the cake ?
Have a good day
Jx
I’m not sure what it’s all about Toria. I rarely have a good night’s sleep anymore - last night was particularly bad - up for most of it. I never seem to be tired. I always used to love my sleep so completely out of the norm for me but is anything normal these days? I just go with the flow…xx
It’s just a lovely thing to do for Michelle and her children.
Big hugs.
Kay xxx