Hi June C
Confusing have the same name
Brian was good at quizzes and full of knowledge.
Like you we would make each other teas or coffees when busy.
I miss the simple things we did together
Walking into town and having lunch out somewhere or him gardening and me supervising ( he would tease me about how I supervised while he worked)
I worked hard in the garden this year something I have never had to do
His garden was his pride and joy. I eventually got it under control
Next year sort out the vegetable patch This year just weeded and covered with black plastic to keep weeds at bay
Daft I know but I talk to him and asked him if it was ok.
And I can now sit out in the sunshine and think of him
Yes and cry
Our tears are always so near
Christmas and New Year is not what I am looking forward to at all
New Year seems to me as I am leaving him behind as it’s the year I lost him
His birthday beginning of January
Son has suggested we go for a meal and think of him.
I will go to the tree at the crematorium where we scattered his ashes
And talk to him for a while
Love and wishing you and everyone on here the strength to get through this nightmare
Love June E
That is the land of lost content,
I see it standing plain,
The happy highways where I went,
And cannot come again.
Hi Edwin, How true those words are, Take care Pammi x
Hi June
I cannot get that horrid night when he died on the cruise out of my mind , it just keeps playing. I think I am auto pilot, just doing things that need doing, trying to keep some sort of order and structure in my life! when I could just sit and mope,but am getting frustrated pretending that I am ok when I really want to scream at times and I could burst into tears anytime.
I think about him all the time like you, sometimes I smile about things that happened that was funny ,but then I kmow I will never have that time again which hurts like hell. I miss the laughter so much and the companionship, although I have just taken on,rightly or wrongly a puppy so that keeps me busy. I don’t know whether its because it’s Christmas coming along, I will be glad when its all over. How the heck I am going to do “the day” and be jolly will be challenging but there’s the grandchildren to consider, not least my sons. Last year, it was the first Xmas without him, one sons
was with his wife’s family, I was with my other son. This year it is traditionally “ours” and I will do what I can.
I wish there was a solution to all this and I wish I could make sense of it all.He was a good man and didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt . 70 is not old nowadays but for us who are left behind it’s difficult to ‘look to the future’ and be positive don’t you think?
Please take care, you did a good job with the garden,I’m not very good at that. Keep going, as my mum said to me on her final day “everybody comes and everybody goes” and it that’s how it is.
Thinking of you on this horrific journey
J x
Sheila that picture is beautiful …you both look so happy and in love …and a good looking pair if is ok to say …made me smile …
Love Michelle x
Hi Romy,
Hoping your day hasn’t been too difficult. I also had my bereavement counselling assessment this morning, so you were very much in my thoughts. I managed some control over my anxiety and emotions…there’s a plan in place. It’ll be extra hard adding everything that goes with December. Stay strong Romy, any help will be so worth it, xx
Hi Rainbow . The counsellor doing the assessment was very nice . I talked loads . I cried a few times . She told me she thought I was coping incredibly well with everything …my grief,the business , my difficult father in law etc etc but that I need to give myself more time to cry and that I would benefit from the opportunity to talk to someone independent from my family and friends because I am very protective of them not wanting to subject them to my distress . I will have another appointment in a couple of weeks with her or one of her colleagues. There’s no particular plan for me other than to talk and cry . I’m glad they have put a plan in place for you . What did they suggest you do ? Like you said any help is worth it xxxxxxx
Hi Romy,
So glad you’re getting some help. I’ve been seeing a counsellor every two weeks for months
It sounds as though it’s going to be good for you.
I just cried for the first few weeks but it did help. She was very supportive and gently nudged me towards some positive ideas.
I would note some of the awful times I had in between sessions, and tell her next time. It gave me a good way to ‘park’ problems until I could talk about them. I still cry but sometimes I can smile as well.
I do hope it will help you. Everyone needs a sounding board who is not too close to the people involved. She is never judgemental and I can say anything.
Take care and be kind to yourself,
X Chris
Hi Romy,
Thanks for letting me know how you got on today. You are really coping incredibly well. I was very unwell for some time after my husband’s death due to running on adrenaline whilst caring for him. The plan is to identify the issues causing most guilt/grief to me and discuss to settle thoughts. This week I got the opportunity to talk through some of the decisions and outcomes with my husband’s specialist team. I’ll keep a daily diary of sleeping patterns/mood/triggers for crying/causes of concern etc. Relaxation and ‘stones’ were mentioned. I’ll let you know what next Wednesday brings.
Wishing you a better sleep tonight xx
So true Sheila. I used to worry that Paul would suffer from something like dementia or heart problems, as his mother had. Our hobby was walking and I dreaded a time when we couldn’t. Now, of course, it’s me that doesn’t want to walk on my own and I don’t to worry about him being miserable. That is a bit of comfort.
You have gone through so much and you can tell yourself that you are stronger now . You recognise how difficult it will be for your friends when the trauma hits them.
Peter would be proud of you, you’ve coped, even if, in private, you still cry,
Sleep well,
X Chris
Hi Sheila . What you said is so true …coming home to an empty house is heartbreaking . My dogs do their best but you can’t have a conversation with a dog unfortunately. If my youngest daughter has gone out before I get home she usually leaves the indoor lights on and puts the outdoor ones on so that the house looks more welcoming . Perhaps you could have some sort of timer or just leave the hall light on or outside lights on before you go .
Thank you everyone for being interested in my counselling assessment. I think I feel a bit calmer already from offloading a lot of thoughts . Obviously hasn’t helped in the ‘missing Mark department ‘ …but it helped to ramble on to a sympathetic stranger …a bit like I do on here as you said .
I’m off to sleep now . I’m very tired . It has been a long ,tiring day . Hope everyone sleeps ok tonight . No panic attacks , no nightmares , no anxious thoughts …just rest . Sending everyone a big hug . Romy xxx
So glad it went well romy was thinking about you earlier…I’m always awake late can never settle …kids wrote there lists to santa … One thing on them that I’ve bought all the rest different… typical…i started to get anxious about New year’s Eve now. …I’m hoping me and the kids can go somewhere…I’ll drive my self into a right state if I’m just sat here Like I am now waiting …wish we could just disappear to a caravan in the middle of nowhere and resurface days after …well I better try and sleep
Hope you are all ok love Michelle
I have conversations with my dogs !
Hi Michelle . Thinking about Xmas and New Year can make us panic I think because we know it’s going to be totally different from last year and what we are used to . And buying presents …I can’t think straight about that …and it’s expensive and we don’t have as much money now either . So there is loads to stress about Xmas and the new year if we let it get to us . It would be lovely to cancel it but then that would probably upset us too because we would be even more different than everyone else who is still enjoying and celebrating it . We are just going to have to grit our teeth and get through it . Is there anyone you can be with for New Year ? A friend or someone you can see earlier in the day ? You don’t have to stay up late . You can go to bed about 10 so you miss all the Big Ben stuff and fireworks on the telly . I think it might help you to see a counsellor too if you can before Xmas . I am not by any means happy but I do feel less agitated for talking to her for an hour . I have gone through the hospital where Mark died but there are other organisations like Cruse . Maybe make it a priority today to phone up and make an appointment. Talking on here helps but I think face to face discussion with someone about everything you have gone through and how you are feeling and coping now might help even more . Or they are offering this new video support service with Sue Ryder . It says if you would like to talk to one of their counsellors to contact them today . I think you should try it . Let me know if you do . I think it might make all the difference . Sending you and the children big hugs . Romy xxx
Hi Michelle . Thinking about Xmas and New Year can make us panic I think because we know it’s going to be totally different from last year and what we are used to . And buying presents …I can’t think straight about that …and it’s expensive and we don’t have as much money now either . So there is loads to stress about Xmas and the new year if we let it get to us . It would be lovely to cancel it but then that would probably upset us too because we would be even more different than everyone else who is still enjoying and celebrating it . We are just going to have to grit our teeth and get through it . Is there anyone you can be with for New Year ? A friend or someone you can see earlier in the day ? You don’t have to stay up late . You can go to bed about 10 so you miss all the Big Ben stuff and fireworks on the telly . I think it might help you to see a counsellor too if you can before Xmas . I am not by any means happy but I do feel less agitated for talking to her for an hour . I have gone through the hospital where Mark died but there are other organisations like Cruse . Maybe make it a priority today to phone up and make an appointment. Talking on here helps but I think face to face discussion with someone about everything you have gone through and how you are feeling and coping now might help even more . Or they are offering this new video support service with Sue Ryder . It says if you would like to talk to one of their counsellors to contact them today . I think you should try it . Let me know if you do . I think it might make all the difference . Sending you and the children big hugs . Romy xxx
Hi Edwin . I do chat to my dogs but they only reply by cocking their heads to one side and barking if it involves walks etc !! They have given me a lot of comfort since my husband died . They are both with me now in bed before we all get up but even though I love them dearly it’s not the same as having a morning conversation with my husband about what we had to do that day is it …? I know there is the saying that a dog is man’s best friend but we both know our spouses were our best friends … sending you a virtual hug this morning . Love Romy xxx
“Time for you to get up”
“Breakfast time”
“Yum yum, that was good”
“Mmmm, what are you having for your breakfast ?”
“Isn’t it about time we went for our morning walk?”
“No, I want to go this way”
“Oooh, here’s the gang from down the lane. I always enjoy playing with them. See you in a bit”
“Ah, back home.”
“Where’s Mum?”
That’s what they say to me.
Of course, it’s only me that can hear them now.
Hello, Sheila. I don’t post on here much at the moment but just had to respond to your post. You have described so accurately how I am feeling about Christmas, especially the bit about being shuffled around from one home to another. I am spending Christmas Day with one son and maybe Boxing Day with the other (he is going to let me know). To be honest I would sooner go to the Christmas Day lunch being organized by Age Concern but there are the children to see. As for Boxing Day, I couldn’t care less. I wish I could go to sleep on Christmas Eve and not wake up until January 2nd.
This is my second Christmas without Bill and If it’s anything like the last, I think I will hibernate next time and let everyone get on with it.
I hope you are keeping well now. Will send PM after I have spoken to the Dic tomorrow.
Love, Eileen xx
Sorry, that should read Doc. I don’t know though … x