My husband passed away on the 20th July and I am not coping very well at all. My sons, their wives, grandchildren and my mum are all trying their best to support me but two months on they have had to return to work and normal life has to carry on. My mum, bless her, is 82 and trying so hard to comfort me. During the day I can pretend to be coping. In company I can just about manage but I crumble when I’m alone. It hurts so much to think I will never see,talk or cuddle him again. The nights are awful and the grief is so intense it physically hurts.
We were together for 42 years, from being 18. I think it will help to get how I really feel off my chest and speak to people who really understand how I feel.
Thank you for listening.
Dear Sambacat,
You will hear people saying to you that it’s very early and it is, but losing your husband is enormously painful and I’m sure it will be for some time.
When we grieve the world comes to a standstill but for others it still races on at a fine old pace.
I lost my husband five months ago after 59 years, the whole of my adult life. to say it’s shocking is a truth.
Everything we do now that we are alone is difficult, there are so many first’s to overcome and somewhere inside of you, you, have to walk this same painful path as all others who have and are grieving and what might work for you might be perfectly ok for someone else.
The important thing is that whatever way you go, sitting at home, busying yourself, shutting out pain etc. it’s fine, it’s your way of coping and that’s all we’ve got.
Talk to anyone who will listen to you, write a journal of your feelings, talk to a photograph of your husband…
This journey is not easy, but it is a journey with a beginning and an end and you will get there.
My very best wishes to you, I only wish I had something to ease that pain for you, if I had I’d also ease my pain.
Gogs
Lost my wife on April 9th we were 17 and 18 when we married that was 46 years ago in October and the grief is still just as intense I have been told it will get better but I think it will be a long long time
I find posting on here and reading replies helps as we are in the same boat if look under lost my husband posts from to night there are posts that may help you
Thank you for replying. Hopefully getting how I feel off my chest to others in the same boat will help ease the pain I am in, and I too would share a remedy for the pain if I had one. Thank you.
Thank you, yes, I will do as you suggest. Time hopefully will help ease the pain we are all feeling on this journey non of us would take by choice.
Hi
yes we all are in the same boat. I lost my lovely husband Carl on 2nd July. Heart attack. No warning at all. We had been together for 41 years, since we were 17 and married for 37. After all the busy stuff to sort, at 10 weeks on I’m now feeling the worst I’ve felt. I think maybe the shock is still there, the disbelief that it happened and then the stark reality that he has gone and I’m on my own. We had no children and did everything together so my life feels so empty and I’m walking a solitary path st 58. This forum makes me think again when I feel very low, to realise I’m not alone. It just feels like it a lot of the time. All I would say is that posting messages on here has helped me and I’m sure others feel the same. Lots of love xx
Hi
I think it’s got worse for me as times gone by. We, like you did pretty much everything together. I admit some days are easier to get through than others, but the nights are awful. Even if I go somewhere I have to come home to an empty house. I’m trying not to cry so much as once I start I can’t stop, and I end up feeling quite ill. I agree that posting does at least makes me feel less alone. I just wish this very physical pain in my tummy would ease up. I don’t know how others concentration is, but mines not good either at the moment. I struggle to watch television or read etc, I just feel lost and like you empty.
Hugs to you and hopefully it will get easier and the pain and emptiness will if not go, I don’t think it ever will, but we will learn to cope.
Lots of love Carol x
Hi Carol
Thank you and hugs to you too. I get that horrible feeling in my stomach every day too. So much so, it makes me feel ill. It’s usually when I wake up which unfortunately is very early on. Also I can’t read either. The tv is on for sound in the house and occasionally I can keep interested but not often. Im now on mild antidepressants as I started having the shakes. Never thought I’d be on them. The GP says it’s anxiety.
Let’s just hope we get to manage it better as time goes on.
Lots of love Linda
Hi, thank you for talking. I wake each morning that’s if I’ve slept to a big bed - I am in my same place as always and it such an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Hopefully this will get better, I need to sleep and eat, even I know that me getting ill won’t make things better. I have 5 grandchildren who talk about grandad all the time which is upsetting but lovely, they are not shying away from mentioning his name. Today a so called friend totally blanked me and crossed over, she must have seen me. It hurt so much. What do I do, ignore it or tackle it, I’m not sure what I shpould do. I’d like to think I would never do that. I was already on anti anxiety tablets from his terminal diagnosis. I hope they help you.
Yes, let’s hope things get better and we can learn to smile again and hopefully this forum will be a start. Love Carol x
Hi Carol
People react so differently. I’ve a friend who rang me everyday until Carl’s funeral, and I haven’t heard from her since. Another one has distanced herself saying it is work commitments. Yet, I’ve a couple of friends who ring me every day, asking what I’m doing. They both obviously care and want to help in any way they can.
I haven’t contacted the friends that haven’t been in touch much because I’m not sure how I’ll react with my emotions and also they may feel very awkward themselves. It’s a difficult one isn’t it.
Lots of love Linda xx
Hi Linda, I hope you are well.
I’ve had a blip today and cried for most of it.
I’m ok, I can go out but coming home to an empty house just breaks my heart.
The guilt that I couldn’t get him into a hospice as they didn’t think he would die as quickly as he did is tearing me apart. I feel like I let him down, stupid I know.
I am going to have to find something to do during the day to pass time.
Sorry for going on at you, I only hope all of us on here can move forward and learn how to live a life that’s less sad and the good memories come more and more to the forefront.
Love and hugs and I hope you are coping ok. Xxx
Hi Carol
So sorry to hear you having such a bad day. And don’t ever think you’re going on…we are here for each other so don’t worry. I had a terrible time last Friday. I was experiencing the worst side effects possible on the anti depressants and then the withdrawal from them made me feel desperate. My friend travelled all the way from Staffordshire to Cornwall to sit with me. I had to go back to the doctor who has prescribed another one which I must say has helped. I’m even sleeping!! I think it’s the loneliness and that reality hitting home. In such an isolated place, albeit beautiful, I don’t think it’s right for me. It was for the 2 of us but I’m too lonely. I travelled back to the midlands on Sunday and have spent every day with my sister and friends. I’ve also found a lovely little flat to rent to help me get through the winter with people around me. Apparently there are over 50s women’s groups locally that I may go to. I don’t want to do any of this but what else can we do. It’s horrible thinking we are trying to find a new life for ourselves when everything we had before was perfect. Are you close to a city where there may be groups you could join? I’ve said before on this forum it would be good if we could get together as a support group for one another. Let me know how you get on and if I hear of any national groups I’ll post them on here. Lots of hugs. Linda xxxx
Hi ladies … sorry to hear ur struggling I am too … my husband past 10 weeks ago . Since then my life has changed so much … I stayed at home with my youngest while he worked … now my youngest has started school I have moved home and feel lost … everything is so different silly things like having to claim benefits for the first time in 37 years … I feel like I’m a different person I just want my old life back … I don’t feel ready to go into work it’s still very raw … but I feel like I’m letting my kids down … just sat at home feeling sorry for my self … before I had my little girl to look after and my husband to come home to at night… I just sit waiting for the day to pass … I hate going to school all the looks I get off people … I just want to talk about him all the time … please someone tell me this will get easier
Hi Linda, Hi Michelle
Just glad I found this site. Even sat writing down and getting things off my chest and listening to You’s tell me how you feel and how you understand seems to help. The loneliness at times is unbearable but also being in sympathetic company doesn’t really help at times, most of the time really. That sounds very selfish but I just feel lost.
I would appreciate you letting me know of any national groups I could join or look into.
I try to think of happy times but at the moment that doesn’t help, and just seems to make me sadder.
I held Kevin in his last moments and that haunts me most, he had a seizure near the end and that at the moment is all my mind keeps seeing.
He didn’t suffer with pain during his illness but due to the brain tumour he became less mobile and his cognitive function became very impaired. It was so soul destroying to see my gorgeous big brave man become so dependent on me and others.
I really hope the bad memories go away or at least fade and I can look on our 42 years with love joy and just be thankful he was mine.
I too wish we could all get together to support one another, but I will consider joining a group, like you not really what I want but it might help. Hugs. Carol xx
Hi
I’ve registered with CRUSE for their new More than Words campaign. It’s in conjunction with the Red Cross and it’s being piloted in I think 6 cities. It’s a Bereavement support social group they are trialing, and want volunteers to go to the sessions and also Champions to run the groups. The champions will be people who have been through it themselves. I don’t know whether it’s available where you are but google it and if it is register. I’ve had an acknowledgement for Birmingham. Just a thought.
Lots of hugs.
Xxx
Hi
Yes I have registered as well in Belfast. Talking to people that are going through the same thing seems to be the best support.
Take care william
Hi William,
Yes let’s hope it helps us.
Xx
My husband had a sudden cardiac arrest at home with me at the end of July and although he made it to hospital died 3 days later in intensive care . My 3 daughters and their boyfriends and my very elderly mum are being amazingly supportive but I feel very alone and lost without Mark . He was 60 and I am 58 and we had been together for 42 years and married for 33 of them. He was fit and dynamic . We own a garage and all his staff are lost without him too . I am trying to keep calm cos crying gives me a massive headache and doesn’t bring him back . I go see him and talk to him at the church everyday and kiss the brass plaque on the cross . Sending you hugs . Romy x
Oh Romy I know just how you are feeling. I too feel so I’ll with crying so much. Some days I feel like I’m getting to grip with things then out of the blue my world comes tumbling down around me. Like you I feel very alone even with all my family and friends around me.
Are you like me and Orishas during the day but struggle at nighttime?
My mum who’s 82 does her best to comfort me but she’s not too good either. My sons are great but but both work full time and have family, that has it should be is their main concern. Don’t get me wrong they’ve been wonderful but they can’t be there 24/7 and I wouldn’t expect them to be.
Let’s hope that the good memories take a front seat as time goes by instead of the total emptiness we are both feeling now.
I’m, here if you want to chat and can assure you I will know exactly how you feel. Hugs back to you. Carol xx
No matter how wonderful our families are ( and mine are) they cannot fill that dreadful gap. Today is an awful day for me. My lovely husband looked after me so well and could tackle any day job etc. I always used to tease him about creating a lazy monster (although I did have s great career) .However since he died 8 weeks ago, I have had problems with the car, my conservatory partially flooded , and today my boiler broke down so I can’t even have a shower and the house is not very warm. Add to that the fact I have had a bug for the last 3 days and it feels like the end of the world. Hope tomorrow is a better day !!