Hi I lost my partner Maria on the 3rd of July to Myloma.
I am totally devastated and don’t even want to be in the house that we shared as it’s too painful. I need help in trying to come to terms with it but don’t know what to do.
Could someone please help me
It’s my first post.
Thankyou for any help or advice.
Simon.
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Simon,
Sorry for your loss.
Agree with everything Tillwemeetagain has said.
I would only add, if you need further help, continue to visit this forum as the support is priceless.
2nd, contact the Sue Ryder Bereavement Support line.
Keep strong and you are not alone,
James
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Thank you for the words of advice It’s just so raw and it’s just making breathless I want to seek professional help but am unsure who to contact as also starting off a conversation by phone worries me. I just feel helpless and like I’m being pulled into a Black hole
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I am so sorry Simon. I lost my husband suddenly and without warning - we’d been together for 34 years. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I know how absolutely heartbreaking it is to lose your world and your future. You can sign up for counselling on this site or with Cruse. You can ring the Samaritans at any time. Also, speak to your GP - I had sleeping tablets for the first couple of weeks. People on here will help to support you. Sometimes you just need to take it one breath at a time and accept help from anyone you can. Refugeingrief.com is also a good site written by someone who lost their partner. Sending hugs
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Hi Simon,
So sorry about your loss and completely understand what you are going through. I lost my wife suddenly 10 months ago after nearly 50 years.
I just about stay in my house, it offers me sanctuary but it’s a prison and I’m in solitary confinement. So the house gives me safety and pain in unequal measures at times. A love hate relationship. Especially when it come to going to bed, a place I go to when I’m exhausted, used to being up 20 hours a days now.
I don’t have any answers, to be fair I’m waiting for counselling, I was told up to 10 weeks. But in the meantime, this is a good site. We are all suffering, so you are amongst friends.
I do hope you start to find peace, it’s very early days, and the hardest thing you will ever endure.
My thoughts are with you.
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Hi Simon
So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my wife 3 months ago. It’s devastating, there’s no other word for it. It’s very early stages for you and me. Don’t think too far ahead, just a day or even an hour at a time. I never knew this type of hurt existed. I’ve found it helps reading and posting on this site. We’re all in the same boat and know how your feeling.
Take care
Gary
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The emptiness is harrowing. She spent 15 weeks in hospital during lockdown in which I was only able up untill May 17th to visit her twice I have basically been on my own in the house since Feb but I knew where she was and had daily video calls with her The whole situation gave me depression and anxiety. I managed to have her home for ten days in June before she collapsed again and was re admitted In the end her kidneys failed the cancer took her dignity and I know she is no longer suffering but I am absolutely devastated that she is gone. The thought of never seeing her again overwhelms me with distress. Utter sadness that I feel I will never come to terms with. I will take any help given and thank people for all the kind words and I know I am among friends here. Thank you
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@Simon1 hi Simon I am so very sorry for your loss its so devastating and heartbreaking losing our soulmates just take one day at a time a second at a time if need be keep posting on here you will find support everyone here understands and we all try to help eachother as best we can you are not alone there is always someone on here my thoughts are with you stay safe take care sending hugs
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Hello Simon
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my husband on Christmas day didnt getcthe chance to say our goodbyes. I take one day at a time, no longer rush around like I used to. My husband was always telling me I rushed around too much so I am finally listening to his words. I only joined this site yesterday and have been overwhelmed by the support and love that has been shown already. Just take everything at your own pace, lots of kind people on here to help us all.
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Thank you so much for the nice replies. I know this is the worst journey any of us will take I feel blessed that I have found the right group to be on.
The waves just keep crashing in.
Simon
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Hi simon I lost my lovely wife coming up to 5 months now she had lymphoma and fought for a year but then went ballistic said got weeks to live lasted 6 days it was so quick in the end but I’m glad she’s not suffering anymore we were married 56 years and together a lot longer she was my sole mate got me through to serious bouts of cancer but didn’t make it herself which makes it hard for me why did I survive and she didn’t it’s so lonely without her it’s so quiet in the house. You don’t know what to do just an existence I know people say it gets better but I don’t think it will for me just in survival mode my daughters look after me but have there own families to so it’s dropping off a bit already so spend a long time on my own being 75 no real friends now people say they’ll come and see me but no one has tuned up yet you will get through it of a sorts but you can always be on here there’s som nice people to help us so keep your chin up and remember all the good times that’s all we can do really Roger
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Hi Roger.
Thank you for your great words. I took great comfort from reading your story. I am due back at work tomorrow and I am absolutely dreading it.
I just cannot function without Maria and have zero interest in anything The heartache is intolerable.
Simon
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Hi Simon, I think that’s very brave going back to work. I work for myself, and can’t manage the thought of going back to work. In fact I don’t even want to go out. I know that it is me holding myself back, but just don’t have the puff to do it. I’m just so tired of feeling the way I do. I’m truly lost without my wife.
I wish you well for tomorrow. Good luck and hope your colleagues are sympathetic.
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Hi Mikeh
I am not sure how long I will last at work. The thought fills me with dread in the most horrific way.
I used up all my sick pay whilst Maria was in hospital for 15 weeks and I just couldn’t work due to that fact. Apparently firms only have to offer two weeks off when a partner dies which for me is far to soon and I even feel guilty for Maria going back to work I feel I have let her down Why should I be made to feel like that The whole situation is just too much to bear.
Going to work might help you but don’t be hard on yourself your workmates no so should speak to you about it not ignore you some people don’t know what to say I imagine just take one day at a time your bosses should know what your going through take care Simon roger
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Thank you Roger.
I know it’s going to be tough not sure how I will cope but I will try my best
Hi Simon, I know exactly how you feel, 2 weeks to get to terms with the life you have and the loss you now have to endure, especially all the other stuff you have to get used too and legal stuff as well.
I did do some work, and one day a chap spoke to his mate saying that his wife was always his case, and he was glad to get away to work.
I just looked at him and said your are lucky to have wife and be more respectful. He apologised and was very sheepish.
Guilt wise, I feel the same, just the thought of doing anything normal makes me feel guilty and like I’m betraying her.
I wish I had the answer.
Hope all goes as well as expected.
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Hi Simon, my name is Jackie, so sorry to read your news, I lost my husband in February, my olny advise could be just try to get through each day at a time, it’s really hard, I’m struggling more now some days but I’ve got to keep trying, I had counselling from my doctors surgery over the phone it helped it bit, try to speak to your family, thinking about you, keep strong jackie
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Hi Jackie.
So sorry for the loss of your husband.
It’s hour by hour at the moment for me.
I did go back to work today but have taken holiday that’s owed untill next Wednesday as it was just far to soon for me It’s not knowing what to do to try and make things better in any small way. This group has helped a lot since I joined on Saturday.
I do feel I need to talk to a professional but I find it difficult talking about it. It’s just terrible.
Simon.
I’m the same, I feel in limbo every day, I try to do things but then feel paniced, I don’t even know if I want to try anymore, it’s difficult just got to keep trying