I know what you mean about ‘is this real and how has all this happened.’ I keep going over and over it in my mind and still can’t get my head around it. A few months ago we were away on holiday and now I’m walking around the house with this horrible deep sadness inside, deciding on what to wear for her funeral on Thursday, which is another hurdle to face.
Mums empty armchair is next to me as well. I picture her sitting there and us having chats about stuff. Now it’s too painful for me to even look at it.
The sun is shining outside and I feel so miserable and sad inside. Grief is such a lonely place to be.
My mums funeral is Thursday as well. Iam not going as I suffer from depression and anxiety. I would not be able to cope . My sis has been brilliant . She said mum would not me to feel uncomfortable. She is getting a video link for me to watch it. I got stuff from my sister belonging to mum. It’s going to be hard this week.
Yes it is. Iam so angry and hurt. I do not know what Iam doing most days. I miss my mum so much. Times I think of taking my life . I do not want to. It’s just how Iam feeling. My life is so empty right now. Just don’t know what to do anymore.
Hi Di-678,
Aww my heart goes out to you. I too was on holiday with my mum this time last year and she had a wonderful time and we were making more plans to go away.
Thurs will be tough but as they say it will pass. It will be a blur for you but you will get through it. You have to be strong for your mum.
For my mums armchair I found it so upsetting seeing it empty that i sit in it now so that has helped me . Just an idea for you to try
I will be thinking of you all day on Thurs and willing you to be brave
Deborah x
Hi Michael73,
Your mum will be looking down and will give you the strength to get through Thurs. It will be very tough but do whats best for you and thats all your mum would want
Deborah x
Hi Di-678,
Aww I am so glad you sat in her chair. It’s the little things that ease the grief a little.
I will be thinking of you all day tom. When I held mums funeral I thought I would collapse with grief but it went so so quick. I just remember thinking I have to keep strong for mum and that I just have to hold my head up high and make sure everything goes like clockwork for her. Thankfully I did. I honestly dont know where I had the strength from but I am sure mum played a part in that and got me through it. Your mum will be with you too.
Make sure you rest tonight and get everything ready so you are as organised as can be. I went to the Chapel of Rest before the church service and spent an hour with mum before it all started. This helped me so much. I felt I had the last of quality time with her.
Will check in on you tom night
Deborah x
Iam not looking forward to mums funeral. Is going to be he hardest day I have had to deal with. I know mum would not want be to be angry or upset. That’s how I feel. Today I was round in a daze . Not knowing what to do. The funeral is at 10.30. Iam dreading it. Everyone here has been really good. Thanks everyone
Hi Michael73,
Will be thinking of you tom. It will be the toughest day ever. Do whatever you feel is best for you and your mum will understand I am sure. If you feel strong enough to go then try to go. If not your heart will be there with her and you can quietly think of her on your own
Deborah x
Will be thinking of you tomorrow. It is the day you will never forget; one of the toughest. I really didn’t know how I was going to get through the funeral when my mum passed in May this year. She was my entire world. I already had some valium ready (just in case) from the doctors the week before, because I literally thought I would go out of my mind thinking about it. I must admit the night before was a bit hectic, with my mind whirring about how on earth I would get through the next day. Just thinking that the following day my beautiful mum would be buried in the ground… just surreal. Just remember to breathe deep. Stay calm. But, I really surprised myself. You may be on auto-pilot. I got my best dress and high heels on, and everyone said how lovely I looked. I just totally focused my entire thoughts on getting ready and looking my very best that morning (my mum’s funeral was 11am… mornings are best as you don’t have the whole day to be thinking about it). But I really truly believe that mum was there helping me through. I didn’t shed a tear and I was truly amazed at myself. I cry at most people’s funerals, but I just stood there at the front with my head held high and it just felt surreal. The cemetery was quite sad and I did shed a few tears, but the sun came out and I knew she was now at peace. You may feel the same. I’ve read that the departed ‘soul’ will usually visit their own funeral, so I really think she was ‘there’ in the church with me, keeping me so strong that day. I never expected the day to go as ‘well’ as it did. And I proudly did it myself, with not many close family. xxx
Bless you, I so feel your pain for the loss of your lovely mum.
I lost my mum at Christmas in 2021 and like you, I had cared for mum, as she deteriorated through the Covid lockdown period. We were both only children and the only ones left in our family. We lost my dad 16 years ago. I never married or had children and it always lived with my mum and dad. Mum and I and our two little dogs were forced against the world. My mum with my best friend to just like you and your mum. I know how lucky I was.
But now sadly I suffer the grief that comes from the love that we shared. It’s incredibly painful and I still cry every day. I even have odd physical feelings in my chest when I wake up every morning or if I dozed off during the day at any point.
The Sue Ryder community is truly wonderful. Last year I registered for some counselling. I was so grateful to have somebody to talk to who understood. Those sessions got me through a number of weeks when I was going into my first real autumn and winter without my mum.
I know that grief is exhausting, and as others have said, the most important thing is to look after yourself now. Even if your days activities are just getting up and managing to have a wash or make yourself a cup of tea, that is a massive step. If it’s all you do, that is fine. I know that nothing anybody says will make it feel better, but please know that you are not alone.
Hello Paula,
Thanks for your kind words. Iam so lost without my mum. She was a major part of my life. I spoke to her everyday . Sometimes three to four times a day. Even when we had thunder and lighting which Iam scared of . I would call mum just to chat to take my mind off it. I hate the way I feel. I just wish she was still here. Iam so sorry about your mum. If you need a chat I’m here.
Ah, Michael, it’s so very hard isn’t it and no words can describe what it feels like. You sound just like me with my mum. We would text during the day in work breaks and soon as I got in the car to come home, I’d text to say I was on my way and mum would call me and we would chat until I got home, then chatter away all night watching TV. All these things are now gone for us and many others on here but we can all support each other and share our stories as we understand how difficult and alien the days we now live are. Thanks too for your kindness. Drop a line too if you ever want to chat, scream, cry out or laugh. We can go on the rollercoaster along with all the lovely people on here. Take care.
Just wanted to say I am sorry to hear your loss. I lost my mum in May and she was my world. It is so hard without them. Just one day at a time. I try to keep busy with work almost every day. Spurs me on as I work from home and gets me through. I guess they are still around us in a ‘different form’ but it is so hard not to talk to them and see their face. Gosh I wish I could go back and tell her over and over how much she meant to me. xxx
Thanks for your kind word. My mum was killed in august. A hit and run. At the time of the accident I was calling her. If she had answered she might still be here. . I used to call her every day. I’m lost without her. I just don’t know what to do anymore with my life.
Iam lost without my mum