Thank for your uplifting and positive post.
Hi Cheryl
Thank you for explaining that.
Glad you got closure on that one piece. Your mom was lovely and what a blessing to have been so close to one another.
Ell
I said to my husband today. I feel so lost. And thoroughly depressed. No flicker of interest in anything. I have horrendous headaches at the moment which doesnāt help my mood. I think there are a few things Iām going to just have to learn to live with. And not visiting my mum sooner which is so unlike me. As I normally would always be there. Is something Iām going to carry with me for the rest of my life.
I think we probably will joules. I have no interest in anything other than work and being at home. I dont call friends and I dont accept invites to social occasions. I cant bring myself to comment on peoples posts on facebook and I avoid people so I dong have to make conversation.
I dont know long this is going to go on for but itās been 6 a half months today.
Iām not getting headaches but I sleep very badly.
I just dont know how to help us but in the new year Iām off alcohol and Iām down the gym.
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I completely get the Facebook thing, I have friends,close friends message me asking how I am, 2 seconds later posting selfies of them and their mum, I sound really bitter and itās totally not that I want their mum I just feel sometimes theirs a lack of empathy, grief, real grief isnāt spoken about too much, I almost feel like Iām ill some days,I do have some close friends who completely get it, they too have very close relationships with their mum and have a fear of loosing that so they do take the time to listen.
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On the night my mum was dying one of my best friends was at a music festival and posted photos all night of her dancing with her husband. Even though I was sending her updates. An hour after I text her to tell her mum had gone she still carried on posting photos of her out partying.
One of my cousins was at my mums bedside when she died. A couple of months later, she posted a picture of my mum and us at a family party 4 years ago. She tagged me in it and said āwow. How much has changed in 4 years guys!ā
The only thing that had changed in the photo was that mum had died. I was sooo angry and I cant stand Facebook. Iām sick of seeing peoples fake happiness and pointless posts.
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Unbelievable jooles!
Thatās awful to both, people are soo soo insensitive
Iāve also had to deal with terrible comments from a friend Iāve known for decades on Facebook. Some people just seem to loose their humanity.
She still has both her parents and she is a know all when it comes on grief. Sheās even posted on a global Facebook page that āgrief is no big thingā.
Sheās in for a very sharp awakening on day.
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Facebook so often brings out the worse in people.
We are lucky that we have this place. Sharing our pain should help us eventually cope and come to terms with it all.
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So sorry. I lost my partner of 30 years on 23rd November 2019, from lung cancer. Horrific. Like yourself, I cannot sleep and every second is spent in shock. It hadnāt even been a year since his diagnosis. The time sped so fast and yet at the same time so very slowly. The time since he passed feels like an eternity and as if it has only been moments. My partner was 47,I am 48. I donāt know how I can carry on with this life now. We have been together our entire adult lives.
Except for the fact that I am still breathing, and although sometimes I canāt because of the grief, and that we have 2 children and 2 grandbabies, I could have gladly gone with him than suffer this agony. The words āheartacheā and āheartbrokenā are now how I am.
Like you said about the way people talk to you, āAre you okay? How are you doing?ā What do they expect from you? My life is terrible and I am desolate and desperate. Okay, move on, letās move on, pack it all up and put it away.
Personally, I am not really one for keeping my emotions inside, if I feel it I usually show it. Having done all of his care and having spent so much time together, I saw almost everything, although I imagine he wasnāt entirely truthful with me about how he felt. But I did know that he was scared. And right at the end, he terrified. His face and that scene keep replaying in my head. So, am I okay? No I am not doing okay
I truly hope that you can find some peace in your heart sometime soon x
Dear Jooles,
Some people can be so insensitive. x x
My mum died on January 15th. Sheād been ill but the doctors kept saying she was making progress and that the treatment was going to help her. She had heart failure and was in for an op. Her heart couldnāt take the stress it was under and it gave up suddenly. So suddenly that the day she died she was going to have the op, the consultant had sent for her blood results for a last check, but in the preceding 36 hours she deteriorated and it was too late. She was my best friend in the world, completely and utterly irreplaceable. Thereās now no one for me to share everything with. Iām married but he is just frustrated he canāt help and doesnāt understand he just needs to be around, chat to me and listen. I told him I was sad and had had a bad day and he was frustrated he couldnāt help, he didnāt understand just listening to me say Iād had a bad day was enough. I find it impossible to talk about how I feel without breaking down, but I can talk about organisational stuff. Iām just so alone.
Scarlet
I think Iāve answered one of your previous posts.
My mum died 7 and a half months ago. She was in hospital having surgery to unblock her carotid artery. She only found out the week before it was 95 percent blocked and was told it was a huge stroke risk. On the day of the op she was so lively, confident and happy. 15 minutes after arriving into the recovery room age suffered a severe bleed on the brain and died.
It was such a huge shock. I was collecting her the following morning to bring her home and look after her for a couple of weeks till she was fully recovered.
Life has been awful ever since. My partner gets frustrated too, he doesnt know what to say and thinks if we gave already discussed something once we dont need to keep going over it.
Iāve tried 6 sessions of bereavement counselling which did nothing.
So, Iām just getting on with everything.working full time, running the house and looking after my 12 year old.
I never socialise and in all honesty Iām just existing not living.
I completely understand where you are and here to chat if you want to.
Cheryl x
Scarlet, you are not alone. The people on here understand, are great listeners and are very supportive.
I lost my Mum suddenly in October 2019 from pneumonia and a sudden heart attack. We lived together and Iām missing my companion and best friend terribly. Last night, I broken down in tears, just before my partner and I ate dinner last night. Tears will come and I cantā stop them.
Come on these forums when it feels over-whelming. x
Hi Scarlet I am soo sorry to hear that you lost your mum, Iām almost 2 months in from my mums passing, I still feel very much alone, my partner is supportive but doesnāt have that same bond as I do with my mum and dad, last week I also had to give him a reminder that Iām not ok I felt as though he had returned back to work, Iām going to gym, dealing with kids ect but Iām not ok and I felt as though he was expecting me to act ātoo normalā or whatever normal is anymore? I read a lot online and follow lots of grief support pages on Instagram, it doesnāt help with the pain whatsoever but it helps me understand how Iām feeling? As sometimes I have a total mixed bag of emotions I canāt even begin to explain to people. Itās the most awful time day to day is still very much a struggle for me. Take care xxx
Thank you it just hurts so much and although it doesnāt stop it I think that understanding what Iām feeling and how Iām acting/coping is important to me. Been to work this morning and at the end of a meeting someone senior offered their condolences, I broke into to tears and had to leave - think I had a panic attack. Poor man was only trying to be kind and show sympathy.
Youāre right the tears when they come just donāt stop. But writing here and to mum helps.
Donāt worry about other people and how they will react to your grief, I completely get it tho sometimes you have to be mentally prepared for people to even bring it up, Iām not back at work until next week, Iām looking forward to the adult interaction but the initial sympathetic looks Iām dreading, it makes me feel even more sorry for myself. Iāve avoided quite a lot of things actually, kids birthday parties ect Iāve just choose whatās suited me Iām not ready to fit back into life as it was, as itās just soo different for me now xxx