My name is Debbie I lost my mum 5 weeks ago ,I am just struggling so much,it was unexpected we had to break In and I found her passed away on the chair, 
it’s haunted me ever since ,I tried to be strong for my daughter and sister but it’s like it’s all building in my head and I’m feeling worse.
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Dear Pepsi56
I’m a volunteer on here and want to say I’m so glad you have reached out to us at Sue Ryder. What a terrible, heartbreaking time you have had. It’s bad enough to lose your Mum, but to have found her without warning is a physical shock as well as an emotional one.
Have you sought help through your doctor? Maybe you need to do this, there are many services available to the bereaved these days, including our own Sue Ryder Counseling line.
Or Sudden provides support after a sudden death incl. useful resources for adults and children: http://www.suddendeath.org
This may help your daughter and sister too.
I hope this helps. We are always here for you.
best wishes
Miche24
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Debbie. Sending you care and kind thoughts. That must have been so terrible, I’m sorry. My situation was different when my mum died 6 months ago but I know the pain of losing your mum. Those early weeks and months particularly are unbelievably hard.
Hang on in there and you will get through it. I hope you get the support you need. Look after yourself.
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Hi
So Sorry for your loss xx
I Know how your feeling and I feel for you I really do .
My mum died last July !
She had COPD we knew it was coming but obviously not exactly when and me and my 3 siblings and dad cared for her at home .
It was a massive shock to us all when it did happen at home and was truly awful and I still can’t quite believe it !!
I was with mum with my aunt dad and sister when mum passed and I go over and over and over every detail of it constantly , it wasn’t nice !
I hate it without my mum here with me
It’s so hard . We were so close
I have 2 daughters and a grandson and a family but it don’t matter I just want her back
Seems to get worse not better !
I miss her and I hate my life without her in it
Also doesn’t help that my family has fallen apart arguing and it’s all different now …
You are in the early early stages atm so don’t be too hard on yourself
And u don’t need to stay strong
People always say this !!??
I don’t know why tbh it’s mad
Why
Cry if u want to
Scream do whatever’s gonna get u thru this horrible time
U need to deal with it the best way u can
Every minute every hour every day one at a time
Just get up breathe and live the day
Then start again the next day
We’re in very raw stages atm u more than me just 5 weeks
Still in shock especially as it was so sudden
I’m sorry for u
And if u need to talk I’m here
X
Zoe xx💔xx
We will be ok
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Hia Zoe , Thank you for your message ,I totally agree with everything you have written ,my mum also had COPD ,I cared for her at home along with my sister,I new something was wrong ,but my mam been my mam said she was ok ,she always protected us from anything ,I saw her everyday,spoke everyday, Friday morning I couldn’t get in ,her curtains were shut ,I new in the pit of my stomach I new,but maybe just maybe she had fallen down stairs , couldn’t reach her phone,I had to break in ,there she was all alone in her chair,bent forward I thought she was just reaching for something ,but she,d gone ,my heart broke and I new nothing would ever be the same ,the image of her is haunting my head night and day ,like you I go over every detail again and again ,my sister who is older went to peices so I had to be strong ,I have a daughter 17 to support aswell ,so I went into auto pilot,done everything ,but now I’m falling to pieces,my sister is selfish ,it’s all about her ,so I keep my thoughts to myself,I’ve had to go back to work as I couldn’t not do , money wise ,but feel guilty,I’m sorry for your loss you remind me of me , everything you said I feel ,I would do anything to have her back ,as you would, people say I’m there for you ,just message me etc but in reality there not ,I’m just going through the motions like you hour ,day ,I hope you are ok? You are struggling yourself,and when people say oh it gets easier ,for us that isn’t the case, Thank you for your message and letting me rant ,
Take care of yourself
Debbie xx
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Sorry Deb
Only just seen your message
Thanks darling
Hope ur doing ok xxxm
Fucking Mother’s Day coming up now eh and my mum n dads 60th anniversary
So !!!
I’ll message u at a more appropriate time
Soz for late message
Take care xxx
Zo xxx
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My mum passed away 4 weeks ago. She had copd. But it wasn’t at the stage where it really affected her life. Or so we thought. She’d been having anxiety and panic attacks. Said she was breathless but said from panicking. When she got like this she’d get herself really upset and take to bed… she’d done it before and I really thought she was having a bad stage of anxiety. My sister saw her 3 times the day she died. She said she was tried and wanted to be alone. Also said to my sister I don’t feel ill just panicky. I couldn’t get hold of her but thought she was probably asleep. I honestly didn’t think it was anything like this. I did call the doctor to go and see her. My sister went over too to make sure doctor could get in. He checked her blood pressure and pulse and said they were ok and then checked her chest which he said didn’t sound good and she’d have to go to hospital. She said no and literally went there and then. It was too long before they got her pulse back. She passed away again 3 days later in hospital. I keep thinking it’s my fault. I should of known it was serious. I could of stopped all this. But I honestly had no clue. I’m still in complete shock. It was her funeral on Wednesday just gone. She was the only person I really used to talk to. My best friend and I let her down when she needed me the most. And now she’s gone.
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I’m sorry I’ve just saw this now:disappointed:I’m so so sorry for the loss of your mum ,I was so upset reading it as everything was exactly the same circumstances as my mum ,my sister phoned me ,we broke in she was gone ,we too wanted to call the doctor all the time but she always said she was fine !!! She would make herself ill at the thought of going to the hospital ,so we didn’t pressure her ,like you chick ,could I have done more , should I have forced her too ,I can see the signs now but I thought she was ok you aren’t to blame as I’m not ,but I feel exactly like you ,I was told that there generation were built to just protect us coz they loved us,I know my mam was protecting me by making out she was ok but I new she wasn’t,so I feel the guilt you do,I feel. Exactly the same I have no real close friends was always my mam whom I turned to ,I feel like I’ve failed her,the vision of her in the chair all alone is haunting me still , believe me you didn’t let her down,she will have loved you and if she didn’t say how bad she was ,it was her way of protecting you ,I am still processing it all and I feel exactly as you have described,but it really wasn’t your fault in any way shape or form,you are still in shock at the moment and you are still numb , please accept my condolences,you aren’t alone x
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My sister went to mums that morning and she wouldn’t answer the door. I should of told her to call an ambulance then. But I really didn’t think. Mum said she was tired and she wore earplugs when she went to sleep. I just didn’t think. She’s gone and we’re all suffering. The world feels so lonely and dark xxx
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Awh I no what you mean , hindsight is a good thing,my sister is plagued by if she’d gone up earlier she might have been able to save her,I live 5 mins away from my mams but I could of went down ,but she was constantly saying she was ok ,we didn’t know how bad they really were coz were protecting us,but now my life is so awful without her , people say I’m here for you ,but if I reach out ,no one really cares ,you are not to blame for anything xxx
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I’m finding that a lot of people who say they’ll be there have not been. In fact even though I have my girls I’m feeling very alone. Right now I don’t want to be alone! But I don’t have a choice. Went to my mums house for the last time today as we have to hand in the keys tomorrow. That was hard. I don’t know if I’ll be able to pass by there again but maybe one day. Your mum sounded very similar to my mum. This is all so horrible xx
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I have a daughter 17 so I had to be strong for her so I have bottled all my grief I think,we had 28 days to empty my mam’s ,28 days to empty 73 years of memories ,it was the hardest thing I’ve ever ever done ,I’ve not been down past my mams since ,I live alone with my daughter , people expect you to be ok ,I had to go back to work ,felt guilty,the circumstances of our mums are so so similar ,it’s been 14 week since my mum ,I feel even now I need to phone my mum! Then I remember it’s not an easy journey but all we can do is take it a day at a time xxx
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Yes we had the same amount of time to do my mums and yes it was hard. She lived there for 20 years and I lived there for half of that. So many nice memories there and she had some amazing neighbours who’ve said we can go to theirs if we ever want to. She lived in a quiet village and it was so pretty. I used to like going round to see her and sit in the garden. Yea it’s very similar circumstances which is absolutely horrendous but also comforting to know someone else is going through the same thing. That sounds wrong but I hope you know what I mean. Am always here if you need to talk. This is so hard. Just day by day xxx
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No I no what you mean ,some days I want to just be alone not talk other days I can reach out to people,I’m always there,I heard that so many times but people just aren’t really,I was my mam’s carer aswell before she died ,she wouldn’t go out at all ,2 years she stayed in ,but never ever found out why ,mother’s Day next Sunday ,first for us both without our mam’s ,I’m dreading it ,I’m here anytime aswell , sometimes nothing we can say to help ,but sometimes it just helps to put down how we are feeling xxx
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Next Sunday will be hard. I suppose luckily I have my 2 girls so have to celebrate it even through I don’t feel like it. Depends if my ex makes an effort to help them do something I suppose. I was thinking I might still get her a card. Is that silly? Mum freaked out a lot about covid cos of her copd but she still went out. Carefully. Only to us and my sister and I used to go shopping with her on a Tuesday cos she would panic about going shopping. Maybe your mum was worried about covid too? Mum always used to say it would finish her off xxx
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Sorry I’ve just saw your message now ,I’ve got my mam a card already certainly isn’t silly at all ,yeah I have my daughter to which sort of helps ,also got the unhelpful ex aswell ,my mum stayed in before covid but she wouldn’t have her injections ,me and my sister only people she,d let in the house ,I new 100% if my mum had caught covid she would have not got through it,I think I. Hindsight my mam had a fall and list her confidence in going out ,was stubborn coz we would have got a wheelchair but she wouldn’t have it ,our stories are so so similar xx
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Yes they are very similar. We got mums ashes back today. I’m not doing so well tonight. Missing her so much xxx
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Hi, I agree it seems to be getting worse instead of better for me too. I don’t know if it’s because as time passed we’re forced to accept it? It’s an actual physical pain that stabs me in the heart. I can’t believe Mum is dead…I keep saying this over & over to myself constantly 
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I think it’s also so despairing because there is nothing you can do to make it all ok again. I still can’t believe my mum has gone. It’s been 5 weeks since she was rushed to hospital really already gone but I hung on to hope or a miracle. I think even now although everything is very much final I’m still in shock. This morning I was so cold and shaking with it. I’ve not felt warm since that night. I’m sorry for your loss and here if you need to talk xxx
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I was exactly the same when I got my mum’s ashes ,I’ve still got them as I don’t want to part with them yet,I don’t sleep soon as I go to bed ,my head goes on overdrive of all the if onlys what ifs,I feel everything you are feeling it’s a pain that no one understands untill it happens to them xx
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