I lost my beautiful son, Shaun aged 29 in May. My heart is broken and I cannot cope. I am devastated and cry constantly. I feel I cannot carry on. He had such a bright future. He was studying for his master’s at uni and heading for a distinction. He had a beautiful girlfriend. He planned to propose, get married and have kids. He had his life all planned. Shaun suffered from anxiety but was doing well. He went to bed one Friday night and never woke up. His death was said to be unexplained. I found him on the Saturday morning. The guilt I feel is unbearable, why did I not save him? I cannot carry on without him. He was back here staying with me while he studied. I had been annoyed with him over silly unimportant things now - lights being left on and dirty dishes. I wish I had hugged him more and told him I loved him more. I cannot cope…I feel my heart has been ripped out. I breakdown all the time. I scream at him to come back. I went to the doctors and was given medication but this hasn’t helped. I miss him so much.
Hi lizb,
I’m so sorry to hear about your son, it sounds like it was a terrible shock and that things are very tough for you right now.
There are a few parents active on this site who find some comfort in sharing how they’re feeling, if you’d like you could read through some of their posts or even introduce yourself here >
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.
You deserve this support, keep reaching out.
Take care,
Hazel
Online Community Team
Hi lib,
I lost my son last year. He was 35. It was unexpected and I sat with him when they removed life support. It was the worst time in my life, nothing compares to losing a child regardless of age. The pain is horrendous but all I can say is that the spaces between each episode of grief does get longer. Even now I can’t speak about him without breaking down. I am crying as I write this. But there are good moments too and I try to dwell on the happy ones. I distract myself when the sad thoughts get hold. The more you do that the better you become. I feel your pain and wish you well. Nancy
Dear Liz, I am so sorry you have lost your precious son.
I can see how proud you are of him.
I lost my beloved daughter, Gemma, 3 years ago and she also died suddenly. It is a huge shock and so traumatic. Be kind to yourself and remember that it is best to take baby steps.
In the early days I would cry and scream. I felt as though I was in the middle of a nightmare. The sadness is always there now but the pain is not quite so acute and I now feel much calmer than I did.
Try and keep posting here as we all support and help one another through the hardest of times.
Send me a private message if you would like and remember that one of us will always reply to you.
Sending you lots of love and a big hug xxx
I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your beautiful son , I lost my beautiful 30 year old daughter suddenly 24 weeks ago , I fully understand how you feel , all you can do is take one day at time , and some days just an hour or a minute at a time. Our children had so much to live for taken away from them too soon, we live in a cruel cruel world , life is just so unfair , I miss my daughter so much everyday is a struggle
My thoughts are with you
Big hugs xx ,
I have also just lost my son Ryan aged 27 to Suicide 3 months ago. Every day is a struggle and I can’t imagine my life being the same without him.
Thank you for writing. I am so sorry to hear about your son. I don’t think we ever expected that our children would go before us. I find the pain horrendous and I cry constantly. I am struggling to do anything at the moment. I can’t eat or sleep. Yesterday I went to pick up Shaun’s ashes and I completely broke down. I think it suddenly hit me that he won’t be walking through the door. Thank you for sharing that you have some good moments. I am sending you a big hug. Take care and look after yourself xxx
I am so sorry to hear about your son. I wish there were words I could say to comfort you but I know there aren’t any. I struggle each day and cry all the time. I don’t know how to move forward and I imagine you feel the same way. I am sending you love and hugs xx
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I feel the same as you…I went into shock and I struggle to believe this has happened. I felt it can’t be real. Yesterday I went to pick up Shaun’s ashes and I broke down. I think I realised then he won’t be coming back. I don’t know how to carry on. I feel so guilty, he was back home with me and I didn’t save him. Thank you for saying the pain eases and you feel calmer. I am still not able to see anyone or go out. Shauns girlfriend comes round and I enjoy seeing her, she shares stories about what they have done and things he has said. It’s nice to hear as she is struggling too. The day after her visit I just break down and can’t cope though. I’m sending you love and hugs xxx
Dear lizb
I’m so desperately sorry to read your post. I lost my younger son in October 2019.
the shock in itself takes months and months to settle let alone the grief. I am managing on a daily basis much better but still have bad spells of wondering if I could have saved him…done things differently…his death was drugs related and he had poor mental health at times.
Take every hour at a time and just don’t think about the future. I found meditation helped me especially with the panic and overwhelming emotions. I used an app called Headspace. I still use it actually.
So many of us carry guilt with us and it doesn’t help. You loved Shaun and he knew it, he still knows it.
I’m sending you a warm hug and lots of love.
Keep in touch on this site with all the wonderful people who will listen and offer hope.
Purple x
I’m so sorry for your loss, losing a child is unbearable. I lost my daughter over 2 years ago and for the first time understood what it was like to have heartbreak. Other things in comparison are nothing, to lose a child is something else and I wondered if I could ever be the same again. Over two years on, I’m not the same and won’t ever be the same again as everything is a reminder of my daughter. We all have regrets like you about how we should have and could have done things differently because hindsight is a great thing. No one knows what the future holds and your son would have known how much you loved him, little things like the dishes are just that but it it is part of the normal grief cycle to have that guilt.
Things will feel better, you will never ever forget your son and will remember him everyday. You will think of him everyday but you will learn to live with it and will carry on with life because what other choice do we have especially when we have other children.
Here for you x
Hi LIZB so sorry you lost your wonderful son In May . I was just wondering how you are feeling now. I also lost my son suddenly at home in May, he too suffered with anxiety. I feel all the things you do and the guilt is overwhelmingly unbearable.
Unfortunately I actually am feeling worse as time goes by, not sleeping without tablets, not eating and often just spend days in bed doing nothing. Every day is another day without him and every new month that comes along is like a dagger in my heart. I was just wondering if you feel the same and it might be normal to feel worse before you start to feel able to accept and deal with it all.
Take care jss