Lost my soulmate to sudden death

5 weeks ago I lost my soulmate, he was 35 and I’d spent all day with him, I spoke to him at 18:00pm at work and advised I would call him on my break. At 20:30pm I rang and got no reply. I saw him every day and we messaged hundreds of times a day so this was out of character - I ended up doing a Police check and they found him dead. He had been completely normal that day we’ve no cause of death as yet. I can no longer function as he was my entire world. I’m waiting for counselling but I’ve no idea how to go on anymore, I’m not even sure I want to without him.

Hello mytragiclife. I just wanted to say how sad it is to read about your devastating loss and the distress you must now be going through. All you can do is just “be” I’m afraid, I know that’s not helpful but somehow that manages to get us through each 24 hours in one piece, just about. I’ve emailed the Samaritans before now, sometimes it helps, sometimes not, but it’s another outlet. It’s so very, very difficult and I’m still struggling so I can’t share anything positive with you but I do send compassionate thoughts and hope you’ll be able to cope until you get the counselling. If things get too difficult to bear please consider 111 or A&E if your surgery isn’t open, please don’t suffer in silence.

I have counselling on Tuesday but it seems very far away and I’m not sure how useless it will be, they can’t bring him back :frowning: I am aware it’s early days but the loss seems so significant I can’t understand how anything can get better without him being there, thank you for your kind message though x

Hello again, I know, time seems a weird concept at this stage. I had counselling but the counsellor stopped my sessions after the 2nd one as she felt I was “too negative”, this was at 10 weeks. I was crying each time, I was too distressed. Everyone reacts differently though and although it won’t be easy it may be really helpful for you. My counsellor declined to resume the sessions at a later date and now I’m feeling quite unwell. It’s a bit like I’m experiencing some form of PTSD. You’ve had the presence of mind and strength to seek out the counselling and I hope everything goes as ok as it can do for you. In the meantime just do whatever you can to help you get by. I wish you well for Tuesday.

So very sorry to hear of your sad loss.
When I lost my darling Chrissie on 12th March this year the first week vanished. I have no recollection of it. All I can say is keep posting, it does help to talk about it and there are good folk on here passing through the same unsolvable sadness. Also take any help you are offered,
My sweet Chrissie was 66yr to loose your love at such a young age is so tragic. I do wish I had words of excellence to help you Mytragiclife. But I can sympathise. All I want is to depart and be with my Chrissie, but have to carry on day by day, sometimes cannot contemplate a day, so break it down to 30min periods.
My very best wishes to you.

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Hello mytragiclife. I understand how your feeling having lost my husband to sudden death a few weeks ago without an immediate cause. The not knowing why intensifys the pain and the shock. I hope you get an answer soon, it helps to make sense of it in a small way. I can t think or function well, I don’t sleep and can’t eat but I believe it to be how the shock affects us as well as the grief. I know no words I say come close to easing the pain for you but just take each day hour by hour. Thinking of you.

I’m struggling along I’m at work and functioning to a degree but my thoughts are entirely consumed by him and how much better my life would be if he was in it, I can’t make sense of the last conversation we had and how routine that was not knowing it would be the last ever. I can’t see how this will ever get better x

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Hi Mytragiclife

I am so sorry for your loss my heart goes out to you. I loss my husband to sudden adult death smydrome in 2003 he was only 26. It does get easier I promise, try not to think too much about what your future looks like now and just take it day by day. I hope councelling is helping, do you have any children? Do you have family around that are supporting you ?

Take care of yourself, big hugs

Rachel x

Hi I’m not coping at all, I fear his death may go down as sudden cardiac however I think it was likely a drug interaction he was self medicating, I’m heartbroken. Does it ever get better? Counselling isn’t helping yet and no I’ve no children but he left three 5,7 and 8 years old x

It’s still very raw for you and it will take time for you to accept what’s happened but it does get easier. I am so sorry and it’s so sad to hear he had 3 young children. I found having counselling in the first few months wasn’t helpful as it was just too difficult to talk about. Take support from family and friends as talking about the way you feel is helpful. You will feel so many emotions and that’s ok… you need to go through all the emotions that come with grief to become stronger to cope and come to terms with it. Looking after yourself is the most important thing and take it one day at a time.


Hi Blizzard
Read your story a week or so ago and was in tears for the rest of the day,
Your story is so much how I feel after my dear wife died suddenly to COPD we both knew she would not see old age but 59 was far too soon and now she has gone my world has just collapsed.
Been 18 months now crying as I write this, each night each morning it’s the same its just a struggle to get through each day.
I try to remember the nice times we had together holidays etc but instead of making me feel better they make me more sad.
I’m sorry Blizzard this is not helping you , I do share your greef and so sorry for you just wish there was a magic tablet we could take and make our lives go back to how it was “back with the one we love”

Thank you for your post John,
There is nothing anyone can do. We just have to struggle through each day with all meaning in life gone. Tears just happen, I cannot stop them. When Chrissie was alive we laughed every day. Nothing is funny any more.
I do hope things get more bearable for you (and me) John. I don’t think they will ever get easier when you have lost the love of your life, but maybe you learn how to carry on with things.

Best wishes, Blizzard.

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Grief #
And best wishes to you Blizzard.

Have just read this thread and other recent posts and, as ever, my heart goes out to everyone on this site! It seems that once our soulmates have been called home, those of us left behind have exchanged our best friend for our worst enemy and the battle to keep grief in its rightful place becomes a daily struggle for all of us. There are no answers or quick fixes and memories can be hurtful as well as comforting but if we had never loved the one we are parted from, if we had never known the joy of just breathing next to them and hearing their answering breaths, if we had never been loved by them, each of us would not be the person we now are. Grief is horrible but it is just the price one of us had to pay.
So, we have to keep on going; the future is uncertain and often looks bleak but our past travels with us and, in the silence, our loved ones are still near.
Take care everyone x

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Hi My tragic life

I run through our last moments over and over, should I have noticed something but he was laughing, should I have said something different but everything seemed normal. I went to Cruise today and the overwhelming advice from everyone was be kind to yourself and take each day one by one. People said will never go away but living with grief will get easier. Let’s hope so but like you I can’t see it at the moment. X

I do exactly the same, I spent the whole of the last 48 hours with him so it’s always at the front of my mind. I feel responsible like I could have changed it, I shouldn’t have been working and it was the only night that week that I didn’t see him. He was laughing and joking on the phone as usual that evening, people also tell me the same to be kind to myself but I don’t know really what that means all I know is I feel sick and disorientated all the time X

I feel exactly the same I lost my husband suddenly to suspected suicide in February this year. He was only 53 and we’d been together for 25 years, I miss him much and feel I’m dying inside.

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Thank you for your kind words, And best wishes to everyone on here , when you lose someone you love , I think part of you dies as well and unfortunately we have no choice but to carry on and live with it.
So many emotions , self pity,feel so sorry for the lost one, being lonely even in a room full of family and friends, I feel guilty that I didn’t see it coming maybe I could have done more ,I’ll never know , So much I want to say to my Sheila but can’t ,so sad.
Sorry for going on again,
Love to you all XX

Go on all you want to John. We all on here have the same heartache and heartbreak. We all seek answers when there is not an answer. You can’t change what’s past. I thought I would go before my Chrissie, but then she needed my help with her illness. I know it makes life, or rather just existence, a void, empty of meaning, future or happiness. But as you say John, we just have to get on day by day. So many on this site are suffering the same way. It is horrid and I do not have an answer. Yesterday I went to Chrissie’s grave and the tears just rolled down. It seems so wrong that the person we love has gone.

Hi i have just been reading your post ime so sorry i can actually say i know how you feel to say its agony is a massive understatement but been on here and unfortunately we are not alone but we feel we are all i can say is if it get to bad theres the Samaritans and a grief call line called cruz they have realy kept me going its only been two weeks since i lost liz she was taken a stroke after chemo then sepsis took her in her case it was die quietly with us or die part paralyzed by cancer what a horrible disease so my sympathys to you .best wishs paul