Hi I lost my soul mate yesterday morning to an infection that set in during his first round of chemotherapy for stage 4 lymphoma. Heart broken doesn’t come near how I feel. He was only 54 and we had been each others best friend for 30 years.i thought we’d have many many more years together I have 2 beautiful children 20 and 18 who don’t deserve to lose their dad and no amount of loving support from my close friends is helping this unbearable ache. I’ve I read so many of your experiences of grief over the last few hours. I don’t want this new life without him.
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I’m so sorry that you are going through this. The beginning of this journey is so hard and raw and there is nothing anyone can say right now that will ease your pain. Take it slow, step by step. I know exactly what you are feeling, everyone on here does. Just keep sharing how your feeling and off loading in here x
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Thank you.
No one I know among my lovely friends has lost their husband or wife so their kind words about losing parents is so lovely however I need to speak to people who are feeling this immeasurable pain. I can’t get past never being able to see, talk to, touch or simple be next to him again T x
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@TJ14
Yeah, it’s definitely not the same pain as losing a partner. You don’t just lose them, you lose the future you planned too so it’s a really difficult time. The beginning is so raw and you will feel so many emotions and what you are experiencing is all normal. We have all felt it and it is as horrific as it can get. Just take each moment at a time x
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Hi TJ14…I lost my wife of 48 years 12 weeks ago today. She also got an infection after the first round of chemo to treat a CNS Lymphoma on her brain. So I know exactly how you are feeling…which is terrible. I also have 2 great kids who are now in thier 40’s. They have thier own families but are grieving for their mum too. She was only 66. Other than empathize with you I can offer no advice as I am still at a loss of what comes next. I found…and still do…just concentrate on getting through each day for now…I truly feel for you 
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Thank you for your support UnityMan
This community of lovely, grieving people is like a life line for me right now.
I am truly sorry for your loss.I’m trying to do boring things round the house so I don’t just sit and dwell on what should have been.
Xx
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@TJ14
So sorry for this terrible loss of your soul mate. It is totally overwhelming at the beginning and you can’t see how you can ever survive it. The pain can be physical as well as the huge burden of confusing emotions.
My heart goes out to you.
I lost my darling 60 year old husband a year ago next Tuesday. I simply could not take in that it happened as he was slim, fit and apparently completely healthy but suffered a coronary thrombosis after playing his regular football.
In case it gives you a glimmer of hope when you need it, I do have a life now and days which I can honestly say I enjoy. I still cry, triggers can appear from nowhere and some days are worse than others.
Your children will be a help I’m sure, as the instinct to do the best for them helps. I have two daughters, the younger one aged 25, has a learning disability so needs me a lot.
I would certainly never have believed how difficult this would be and never imagined going through it at this age. I am however, very grateful that I had his love and that we shared nearly 29 years of happy marriage. I also know he wouldn’t have coped with losing me so I have to be the one to bear this pain.
I do have far more good days now when I get on with life mostly normally. The tears are less frequent and less all consuming when they happen.
Sending you love
Karen xxx
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KarenF, thank you for your lovely kind words of support and empathy.
My pain is absolutely physical. It’s like a huge stone in my chest and I feel like I could just sob, scream or shake for ever unless I’m either holding on to one of my children or keeping my jaws firmly clamped together against the tide of emotions. I f that makes any sense.
Thank you so much for the glimmer of hope for the future and I am so glad you have managed to enjoy more good ‘normal’ days in life.
That s what I’m aiming for with the help of my 2 kids and my closest friends.
Sending love back to you
T x
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I lost my husband a week before Christmas suddenly. Went to work on the Saturday and never saw him alive again. He was 53 and I have a son of 22. We had so many plans for the future. I haven’t just lost the love of my life I have lost my future plans and dreams with him. I try to keep myself busy filling my time with good friends. I’m hoping to get back to work soon though only for a few hours a week. I really don’t like my new life but got no choice to live it because of my son. Life is so unfair and cruel. So sorry for your loss big hugs xx
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I know its heart wrenching 
you be in shock at moment. Just try to get through each hour xx
Sorry for not responding to your kind words sooner. Thank you. I’m living moment to moment just now x
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I’m trying Debs5. I’ve got a kind of film reel of 30 year’s memories forcing its way into my head most of the time. It’s torture at the minute. I hope this will be a comfort at some point in the future. Xx
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I’m so so sorry Hazel. 53 or like my Rich 54 is just too soon to lose . And yes it’s the now empty future we had started planning now the kids had almost grown up(20 and 18) that is so hard to accept. Take care x
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Hi TJ14. I am so sorry for your loss. Like everyone on here says we just have to try to get through one day at a time. I know it’s no consolation but what else can we do. I lost my husband of nearly 35 years 3 weeks ago. I too find it impossible to imagine a future without him. I don’t know anyone else personally who has lost a partner and having list both of my parents there is no comparison. Thankfully this community provides us with the opportunity to share with others who truly understand. Sending love 
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Yeh i know what you mean 
take care ! Xx
Hi Jan17 I’m so sorry this is also happening to you. You are right-1 day at a time.
I’m so glad I have found this community.
Sending love xx
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I feel your pain so much . Friends try to help and say the right thing but in truth nobody knows unless they have been through it. Sending lots of love xx
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So sorry you have had to discover how terrible this loss is @Jan17
It really is only possible to live each tiny amount of time - even parts of the day like getting through the morning - in those early days. Then, you realise you DID survive that morning so it’s now time to face the afternoon. Slowly you will manage days in a similar way.
As you will have read, in this way I have made it through almost a year. There are now good days and even good weeks. The guilt I felt the first day I didn’t cry was another hurdle to get over but even that plagues me less now.
There IS a life ahead, even though it’s not the one we want or planned but we can’t let grief take our lives too.
There are many of us here to help encourage when you need that and commiserate when you need to let your feelings out.
I know I didn’t understand what losing your partner was like until it happened to me so I try not to hold it against others in my life who can’t understand. We all at least know that unfortunately.
Sending you my love
Karen xxx
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Karen that was a lovely message, thank you. I really hope in time life will have some meaning again. Xx
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@KarenF , your post has helped me today. Most of us are still in the early stages of our loss and can’t see these feelings ever changing. It is helpful to learn that there is life ahead even if i can’t see it now. Thank you
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