Dear Rammie
I don’t know if you have decided to go yet. As everyone has said it’s a personal decision, and what ever you decide is right for you.
I actually went everyday. I read him my speech , played him the music I had chosen for the funeral.
And the lovely funeral home worker actually gave me what turned out to be very sound advice. One day in-between when I was upset at the time till the funeral being so long…she said
“Remember you will never get this time again” that’s what made me go every day after that. It was right for me.
You just get comfort from whatever you decide.
Much love x
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@Cathphil thank you for the sound advice. I think I will go and see him. I had asked him for some kind of sign (silly I know) that he wanted me to come. On that same evening his best friends wife was texting me asking how I was. She then text, quite out of the blue, “I don’t know if u have thought yet about if you will go and see Simon and say goodbye?? I always do , and I always so pleased I do .It really helps(but of course everyone is different )x ” I have till the 26th May to visit. 
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@Rammie
I lost my partner 9 weeks ago, completely out of the blue, no signs, symptoms, he was fit, healthy didn’t smoke or drink. Heart attack and was on life support for 4 days. As I never got to say goodbye or see him again, I was so scared of going to see him at the Chapel of Rest (I started a post on it) and I finally knew I had to go. Because it was 7 weeks until he went to the Funeral Directors it was a closed coffin. I have to say it was the best decision I made. Although it is entirely a personal choice, only you will know the answer, I found it completely peaceful, calm and I got to say a private goodbye, said all I wanted to say. The funeral Directors put my single red rose, letter and photo’s in with him. I felt he was there with me (I also had an amazing sign, again posted about it). I went again the day before the funeral. It helped me so much to get through the funeral because there were so many people there and I had private, personal time with him.
Whatever you decide to do will be right for you, trust your instinct
Lyn
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To all of you suffering this terrible mix of emotions, keep reminding yourself that they are ALL normal things to feel. No matter how confused you feel about them, you will have all sorts of feelings which seem alien to you but are perfectly normal under these circumstances, no matter what your personality is.
I didn’t join here until at least five months after Richard died and I am not sure I would have been eloquent enough to string much together before that. I do think facing what has happened can be something we try to avoid and we keep the disbelief alive for a long time. This is probably our brains way of trying to protect us from something too terrible to take in.
My brain still believes Richard is around if my dreams are anything to go by. It hasn’t yet rewired to a life without him and part of me has no desire yet for it to do so.
Having said that, for me it felt crucial to accept the truth whilst awake, that he isn’t coming back, in order to begin making a new life. None of us wanted this new life and we’d do anything for it not to be what we have to live with but live it we WILL, for those loved ones we have lost as well as for any left here with us.
We will all be here to support each other as we do this.
There is no fairness in life to expect. I worked in a special school when many of the young people died whilst still school age. Compared to those poor children, most of whom didn’t have any normal life, I consider myself lucky to have had the strength of love Richard and I shared and a life together we could enjoy.
Also for those of you despairing, just over a year after losing Richard I DO have a life now. I still cry easily and I miss him every day but I am trying my hardest to move on, taking him in my heart every day. Part of who I am is because of my time with Richard so he will never truly be gone. The simplest things I do, which have been influenced by our lives together, are testament to that.
Also, don’t forget that this forum had many previous members who probably don’t come on any more as they don’t feel the need for it. There is no time scale for this and no right or wrong, but those of us who are still here are here either because we need it or we feel we can help others - or both.
Sending love to all
Karen xxx
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@KarenF thank you for inspiring words Karen. I lost my husband a week before Christmas suddenly. He was 53 years old. Went to work on the Saturday and came home on the Sunday after a phone call from my son to say that dad collapse. I got no closure and no answers. I feel so much guilt over things which is definitely causing the delay of moving forward. I didn’t come on this site till recently because when I came on here first I felt even sadder reading about every one grief. Now I can read every one unique story. So sad that we are all on this site for losing our love ones. Like you said I didn’t want this new life and wish I could have my lovely old life back with my handsome husband. Life is so unfair and cruel. Take care and big hugs xx
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@Sarlyn Sometimes it takes someone else to help you realise how far you have come. I have followed your posts and journey so far, from your early days of losing your lovely partner, the challenges with his family, your decision to go to the Chapel of Rest and the amazing signs that he was near. Reading your posts now in support of others shows such strength and courage, so I felt drawn to let you know that. Sending hugs and love xx
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@sandi
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. You will never know how much that means to me without knowing me. I visited my dad’s grave today and broke down knowing how alone I am and I asked him to send me support and strength and then your post pops up
I always try to help others as there is always someone worse off that may need it more.
Sending you a big hug too and much love.
We walk this path together and hold each other’s hands xxx
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I went every day possible as it was a bank holiday weekend it was closed but like you I posted our wedding song to him which was being played ar the funeral . I felt so close to him when I was there, even though there was still disbelief that it was actually him there , I found it very comforting, I still cried each time as it is hard but it just felt right for me
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I missed your post about a sign , would be lovely to hear it but of course I understand if you don’t want to .
I too found it very comforting & personal to sit with my lovely Bry
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Its so hard. I am also going through chemotherapy. Another session tomorrow. My husband was here this time last year and supported me. So lost and lonley. Thank god for this site.
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Oh that is so harsh. I’m so sorry. I hope tomorrow goes ok and you don’t feel to awful afterwards x
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Thank you speak soon
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@Kate51 Thinking of you tomorrow and hoping your treatment is not too exhausting. Sending you hugs xx
On the last day I visited my husband in the chapel of rest I was knelt on a chair next to him. One arm on the coffin with my head on it and the other across his chest. I was playing our wedding song to him & chatting . I can’t explain exactly what I felt but the only way I could , is after having my arm across his chest & occasionally stroking his face . My arm felt like it had pins & needles / electric feeling . I didn’t think anything at the time & moved my arm , suspecting pins & needles. However the moment I took my arm away it stopped & I would have expected it to be the arm I was lay on that hadn’t moved to experience pins & needles. And usually pins & needles don’t go instantly 
It was only when I came home and thought ‘ that was strange ‘
I’ve become a little more sceptical of after life since losing Bry because maybe I am wanting too much but that day still plays in my mind . Also on the couple of occasions I’ve had a cigarette, not from the same packet & only for a few seconds I can taste a strong aftershave . 
I really do hope they were signs & maybe I should stop talking myself out of it …. Xxx
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Hello flower…wow X X I have a night light on the top of the stairs, one night it was on, I thought I don’t recall putting it on and thought no more of it. The following night I came up and nipped back down for something. I came up and yes it was on!!! I believe it was my Eric who passed one month ago. It has not happened again but it brought a smile to my face X X
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How lovely and how special.
It made you smile, so it was definitely him 
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Aw it’s nice when you have signs & it’s all we have now , I need to stop talking myself out if it .
The last two nights I have felt slight movement on my hair & I always got Bry to mess with my hair - I drove him mad 
I’m 7 weeks in & still cannot comprehend how someone can just go from your like so quickly.
I hope you are coping ok , a month is not a long time at all 
Sending you a hug 
xx
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