Thank you tags. I have days when I am strong and days when I am not so I do as much as I can in the days I am. We were going to downsize anyway so am only carrying out things that were planned…. Just on my own though which isn’t easy, and it’s still so very hard to believe some days x
To jojan
Thank you. It obviously is still hard for you. Not that long ago. I’ve found it harder than t thought. But then knowing can’t prepare you however much you think you are . Sorting his pensions and stuff out today basically broke me again. Just another realization that he has really gone. I feel like sleeping now and not waking up. I feel safer tucked up in here away from people that keep saying it’s early been 5 weeks you’ve got to start moving on!! Really! Top advice from people that haven’t been through this. Xx
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To tags1
I’m so sorry to read how you feeling. It must be awful to feel as you’d had no help. I hope this site can maybe help aliitle. It I hard to find groups in Sheffield perhaps a bit more could be started for dropins whenever people are feeling low and need a comforting chat at least 2 even 3 times a week. It would put us in touch with like minded people we could help eachother and maybe make some firm friends from it. Xx
I will be going to a local bereavement support group next week. I just needed to talk to someone about what happened. Been out again today taking each day as it comes.
Good luck, I hope it works better for you than it did for me.
I hope you get the support you need 1233. I am having a meeting with his oncology consultant early March but have been invited to go over first to Maggies support centre to see support workers and oncology experts. This is so I can run by them the questions I want to ask and know what to expect from consultant. So many unanswered questions that I go through every day.
Flo I too had a lot of questions. I got to talk to the doctor. I also got to have a go at her for not making it clear to me he was going to die. I was blissfully wondering if we would have to cancel our holiday the next week, and telling my other son to come up later that day and all the time they knew how bad he was, letting me go home missing his last 90mins awake. They did reassure me that the heart op he had 7 weeks previously was nothing to do with the sepsis. They even said if he hadn’t had it he would have been worse. Worse then dead? Its like when they said there was no room in critical care as there were a lot of really sick people. Well my husband died so how sick do you need to be? They said it would not have made any difference to the outcome but I will never really know that. At least I got my point accross and the doctor said she would take it on board that she needs to make it clear and not just give you clinical updates. If she had just said ‘you know he is really poorly right’ I would have got the message. When they told my son they were putting him on a respirator ‘to give him some rest and time for the antibiotics to work’ they said ‘you know what we are saying don’t you’. He said yes ‘you are putting him on a respirator’ but I think they were saying he might not wake up. So why not make it clear? I was not expecting him to die and the idea had not crossed my mind. It did help even though that I sobbed throughout to telephone call, snot everywhere. I was so cross with her when she said she knew he was likely to die 7 hours before he did. I could have had a meaningful 5 hours with him instead of wasting that time.
I told my wife that she would not have to face anything on her own, but although i held her hand as she died, i feel that i fell short of what i wanted for her.
I have questioned myself and on the day she died that i wasn’t goid enough, wondering if she was happy with her life with me for 22 years. I know we had a really good 22 years, but it still doesn’t stop the thoughts going around inside your head.
People don’t get it, but you guys probably will. It is horrible.
Your mind plays tricks with you in the early days. I was in shock and couldn’t process what had happened. I questioned if I had ever loved him. It seems silly now as he was my world but because I was still standing and couldn’t feel anything I thought it was because I didn’t love him.
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Get it totally and you’ve described it really well. When she was admitted they asked if she’d brought anything valuable with her and she said, ‘Only my husband.’ so I know how she felt but you’re right, it doesn’t stop the thoughts of letting her down etc
All part of the grief so I’m told - the gift that keeps on giving!
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M loves. I question myself all the time. I think it’s part of the grievance.i question if I did everything was a with him enough did I do this or that. But deep down I know I did. I have enough people that tell me. It’s odd where these thoughts come from.ive just had a chat with his photo and looking at it for the first time I said thank you my darling… I always told him no regrets pastis past. Thank you for loving me laughing with being kind to. Thankyo for having me and all the memories we but now I’ll do them for us to share. We worship ed the ground we each walked on. I’m so proud he was my man. Xx
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Hi Tenpin
On Thursday i bury my beloved wife. She was the kindest, gentlest and most humble person i have ever met. She had a great sense of humour, but my god, she was strong and she fought for her life for every second.
I, like you said about your husband, was immensely proud to call her my wife. She too, was my everything. I hope that at some point, that the good memories we made will drive out the horrible memories of her last fight from my mind.
I wish she were still here making new happy memories, but i know that can’t happen. Grief is a terrible thing, but at least i can take solace from the fact that it means i loved her massively, and will continue to do so.
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Hi Jacrobthorn,
Beautifully put. Apart from wife’s service being 2 weeks ago I could have just written everything word for word.
I hope Thursday goes as well as these things possibly can.
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Yes that’s the part the last visions , mine seeing my sister motionless beside my wife’s bed in hospital after a brain bleed and my wife on a morphine pump in real discomfort.
If only we could unsee them.
Thoughts with you all 
Thanks I am sure I will just need to speak to someone.
To jacrobthorn.
I feel for you my love. You said you was proud to call her your wife carry that proudness with great pride on Thursday. She’ll be smiling at you and no doubt as proud of you. Remember as I keep telling myself of all the people in the world we managed to find each other. And for that I’m so grateful.
So head up my friend and make her proud. Xx
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Thank you Tenpin
I intend to do that. I have done everything for her funeral that she wanted, and have planned a lovely service for her.
Hi silverfox
I have incredible respect for you, knowing what happened to you. I am struggling losing my wife, without losing a sibling at the same time too.
I don’t know how you battled through that. Utter respect to you sir. I am sure that in time these painful memories will recede. I am sure you won’t forget, just learn to live with the pain.
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To jacrobthorn
Good. I did that for my partner. I made it light-hearted and funny. We had racing post on cos he was a big racing fan. He’d have been delighted. There was always the touch of sad ess there but I made it like a big party for him. I’m sure your wife will be at the side of you wondering a little how on earth you managed all that . Bit we know she was influencing you all the time. I’ll be thinking of you love. Xx
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I think your wife would really appreciated everything you have done. My partner passed away suddenly from a heart attack l found him it was a very big shock I am trying to get on with grieving and because he was a big hoarder take things to charity shops. He loved pieces of wood so have lots of pieces to take to the recycling plant. Take care
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