I lost my wife on Monday night and don’t know how to cope. I’ve broken down numerous times and feel under so mu h pressure. Tell me it gets easier😥
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Mark so sorry to hear this. I lost my wife 12 weeks ago and sorry to say that there is no quick fix or cure. It’s difficult as people here will attest.
I have days, where I sob my heart out and other days where the tears are less. I loved my Jackie for 60 years and we would have been married 58 in September. Grief is the price you pay for love and I have 60 years to pay for.
Every day is a mix of doing little jobs and crying, especially when I come across something of Jackie’s. It’s bloody hard, , still I’ll survive.
Like everyone, I’ve experienced deaths in the family, but nothing at all like this.
I so desperately want her back to tell her all the things I didn’t get to; to hold her in my arms again; to have a little tiff; to FaceTime our grandchildren together and the list could go on and on.
The thing that most say who lost their partners is that you learn to live with the loss. You will never ‘get over it’.
You’ve taken a first step by coming to this place. Chat to others going through the same as you are. Talking really helps.
You take care 
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Onhh Mark , I’m so sorry , you will be feeling bereft now . It’s so early for you , all you can do at this very early stage is survive . Get through 1 hour at a time , then I day . Make sure you get enough rest ( you probably won’t sleep well ) and eat if you can . Don’t let anyone put pressure on you , or pressure yourself to do anything right now . Cry , wail , whatever gets you through , it’s all a natural response to such a loss and it’s also a release . I’m nearly 10 weeks down the line , and can’t say it’s easy, my first few days/ weeks I couldn’t function at all , so you’ve done well to even think about coming on here. Keep on talking to folk on here- they are very supportive . Sending hugs .
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Mark, On here we know how you feel, we have all been there. I lost my Darling wife just over a year ago. I still miss her and will always love her. But I am starting to manage the grief a little better. What I do is to try and remember some really happy times with my wife, and when sadness hits I try and think of one of those. You have found this site, come on here for a chat or a rant or a ramble, I have done it and it has helped me, all of the people understand and will respond. Hoping you get some sleep tonight.
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I’ve had offers of help from friends but don’t want to be a burden and it feels like I’m failing my wife if I don’t do it all. Can’t even talk to people face to face without sobbing so don’t want to leave the house. Dreading going to the funeral director tomorrow to discuss the funeral. Wife said she always wanted a straight to cremation with no service but I feel like people will think I don’t care about her without a service. My heads all over the place. Not eaten, not slept, just feel worthless and so lost. Even sobbing like mad as I’m typing this. Don’t know if I want to see her before the cremation. I held and kissed her hand as she went and it’s killing me that thats how I last saw her. I just hope I made her happy while she was alive.
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Mark
Have you not got anyone to help?
My son and I are down as executors on my wife’s will. I started trying to do things straight away, but my son told me to stop. I was in no fit state to do anything and was messing stuff up. He’s done 95% of the work and it’s a lot better. Obviously there were things I had to make decisions on, but he did the donkey work.
I’m not religious but Jackie and her family are, so I had a church service with a direct cremation afterwards, so the congregation did not go to the crematorium. For me it was a lot better. Those of her family who are church attenders gave me a seal of approval afterwards.
Jackie passed in my arms at home, but I did go and see her at the chapel of rest before the funeral. It wasn’t really my Jackie in the coffin, but I felt I would always regret it if I hadn’t gone.
I did take a pic after Jackie had passed, not out of any morbid curiosity, but I wanted to show my granddaughter s how peaceful she looked at the end.
You are the one who makes decisions, but you don’t have to be the one who does all the work. Take help if you can.
Most of all, look after yourself. I lost a stone and half since Jackie passed. I’ve put half a stone back on, but still look a bit haggard. W also can’t sleep much.
See your GP and ask about bereavement counselling.
I’m having a third session with the counsellor next week. My GP put me on sn anti depressant that also increased your appetite and helped sleeping. Trouble is that they gave me the runs, so had to change tablets. Only taken 3 of the new one so not sure if they’re going to make a difference
All the best and take care
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Mark,
Please let your friends help , You could do it all , but why not allow your friends to help you if they want to . You’re not failing your wife , I’m sure she’d want you to seek the help you need. See if one of your friends can go with you to the funeral directors .
I was the same for weeks after my husband died , couldn’t talk to anyone directly , except my sister and one very close friend . I used WhatsApp to talk to other friends at that time , it was easier typing than talking . But I explained why and they all understood ( well the ones that matter did ). For the first few weeks I couldn’t leave the house and I I still struggle sometimes , but that is getting a bit easier . It’s all normal feelings, don’t beat yourself up and ask for help from your friends, be clear what you need from them - I did that via WhatsApp and it worked well .
With the funeral and service - arrange what you think is best for you . I did have a service afterwards and my sister thought it would be too much for me , but I’m glad I did as there were lots of people who my husband knew there and it showed just how much he was loved . Don’t decide if you want to see her before until the day , just see how you’re feeling .
Please don’t beat yourself up, youre not worthless , just grieving …
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I am so sorry for your loss. My partner passed 4 weeks tomorrow.
I have no idea how to get through it
People tell me it gets easier with time
I hope they are right.
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I did not have a service for my partner. I got through the cremation. The funeral directors were very good
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Mark, My wife passed suddenly perfectly ok in the morning and gone in the evening. I was in shock. We just had the service at the crematorium with our vicar. I have used our social club for years. My son said ask them if they can do the wake, I went in and asked the steward, she was lovely she gave me a hug and said Rob just guess the number and I will get back to you. She did a great job, it was low key which I needed. I could not have gone through a big church service at the time. As my daughter said to me, do what you are comfortable with.
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Hello Mark
I am so sorry that you have lost your wife.
You must be feeling so many emotions, sadness, frightened, lonely, they are all feelings that I feel.
It is so raw for you now, you must be bewildered by it all.
Don’t be afraid to express your emotions, so many of us here, know what you are feeling, It’s an awful painful time for you.
You must take care of yourself, try to eat and drink, I know you may not feel like it, but please try.
I send you love and condolences xx
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Mark71,
I an sorry for your loss. I am on week 18. I think I’m still classed as early. Your emotions will be all over the place. It’s not easy, but please remember to do the basics if you can eat,drink and sleep. These are important, if you have a support network please use it.
I still cry everyday but not as much( thats why you need to drink). The funeral is hard i live over 100 miles from family and friends, so i had to do everything myself as we did not talk about it before Sue died. Everyone said i did her proud and it made people laugh and cry. I used a celebrant to do the talking. I still have her ashes as i am not strong enough to scatter them yet, and if i don’t i have arranged my funeral and are ashes will be scattered together.
So please look after yourself ( we all know its hard) if you need to rant and ramble feel free. I do
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Just back from sorting the funeral arrangements. It was hard deciding what to do but I’ve gone for a humanitarian service at the crematorium. Strangly, I feel a little better knowing I’ve got the big thing sorted. I feel I can concentrate on the little things now. Thanks for the comments and advice from you all. It’s still hard, but I’m starting to feel more in control.
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Well done!
I hope things get easier for you
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Good to hear Mark. Treat every achievement as a milestone my friend. Be strong and take care
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That’s good to hear , don’t rush anything , just do a bit at a time and don’t forget to look after yourself . Keep talking on here when you need x
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One step forward, three steps back. Just fell asleep in the chair through pure exhaustion. Dreamt of my wife hugging me. Woke up and feel like I’ve lost her all over again. Each second without her feels like an eternity 
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Mark, been there, fell asleep in the chair woke up went to say something to my wife she was not there and I remembered why.
Now I have a few special memories that I have stored close to hand in my mind, and I mentally reach out and grab one when I am sad. I am just over a year on this journey and I can manage the grief a little better. I am trying to lean how to rejoice in the life we had and try and leave the grief behind. I know that I will never completely do it but I am going to try.
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Had a bad day today. Very emotional and struggling. Keep finding things she bought for our summer holiday and parcels keep arriving with more. Been asked to see friends tomorro, bu I’m not sure I could cope without breaking. Feel guilty just thinking of functioning socially so soon.
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Mark, When my wife passed on the Sunday, I was devastated. I could not be angry with her because she had been planning for things in the future. She and a friend were to sort out her art stuff on the Monday, Tuesday we were of to Salisbury Market ( would have cost me a handbag), Wednesday she was off to an afternoon of art. My Darling had not given up she was enjoying life to the end. I am grateful for that. I try and get pleasure from things that she did, like finding the presents she had bought for the grand children’s upcoming birthdays. Oh my Darling is in my mind, Of course it still brings a tear But I try and get happiness from those things as well.
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